Trying Hard

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camperlot1

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Well Its the New Year and I decided to post with the rest of you.
I could say Im new here, but not sure the thing to say.
I went cold turkey 7 days ago from 100mg at least sometimes more per day.
When you get up in the morning hurt so bad cant move. Then take 40 mg of hydrocodone and cant even feel normal. Its time to stop. I know there are lots of great people on here. Reach you dont know me but I feel I know you well.
Ive ready every post you have written because I was using the whole time you were. Only problem I have is that no one know of my addiction. Its hard for
me to say I'm a drug addict when i'm not using but I guess thats we are.
Secretes you are great too.
you are the ones who got me to this point. Don't really crave
just not much energy.
I pray every day now for those of you who are struggling. You can get there. Lucky I was off for 2 wks for holiday or never made it. :wave:
 
Good job, were basically in the same boat, im on day 5 c/t off oxycontin, this is my ownly support system as well, keep it up!
 
Good morning Camper,

I'm sorry to hear about your friend. We hear about death so often in our lives, but we never think it will happen to someone we know. No one is fully prepared, and it cuts like a knife - something we'd never imagined. I lost a very dear friend one year ago. I haven't ever mentioned this on the board - moreso because it hurts so much to think about it. The reason I've chosen to tell you is simple...I relapsed after my friend passed away. I relapsed hard and overdosed. That's all I'd like to say for now - so be sure to protect yourself. What I mean is, be honest with yourself about cravings or thoughts of using. I'm not saying you will, but just be vigilante and know that the death of my friend was 'the' trigger for my relapse.

After I relapsed, I started Suboxone (11 months ago) and I've been fine ever since.

Listen to your heart, listen to your head - collectively.

I've been thinking of you, hoping all is well. It saddens me to know you are going through the emotions, regarding your frienRAB passing. Whatever you're feeling, post it. You never know, there could be that 'one reply' that helps you in ways you've never imagined.

With sympathy,
emsmom
 
Thanks Emsmom. I must say this is not my first time to try quitting, but its been 3 years
ago. That's how long I was using again. The first time I only made it 2 wks. Didn't really understand the process. At that time I guess it would never get better so I started back.
Getting pills would not be a problem. Just call the doctor but not as many as I would need.
I did sleep some last night, back at work today. Is it normal for your stomach to ache.
Thank all of you for you advice and help. You have no idea how many times I wanted to post, but believe it or not just reading put me here.
 
Hello camper,

Welcome to the board :) I just want to send some encouragement your way. What you're going through may be one of the hardest things you will ever endure in your lifetime. Remeraber that. As each day passes, think of it as another clean day in your recovery. Welcome the symptoms, remeraber them, so you can always look back at what you've gone through.

"When you get up in the morning hurt so bad cant move. Then take 40 mg of hydrocodone and cant even feel normal. Its time to stop."

I went through the exact same thing a year and a half ago. I woke up one day, in pain and feeling hungover, sweating/cold chills - I took 160mg of OxyContin, but it didn't do anything. At this point in my using, I was taking at least 400mg/day. Yep, 400mg/day. I stared at myself in the mirror, was ashamed of the person looking back at me, and decided enough was enough. I told my husband (who had no idea at all), confessed to raising my credit card limit and taking out cash advances, and told him I wanted help. My habit was around $250/day and I'd taken out $9000+ in cash advances. My credit card was mine, he has his own so he never knew about my cash advances...at all. I was terrified to tell him, overwhelmed with fear and potential disappointment - thus being the reason it went on for so long.

It all started with one percocet, following my gall-bladder removal, and continued for almost four years. After my surgery, I approached my family physician and told him that percocet took away my back pain (protruding, herniated disc which caused severe sciatica nerve pain) so he gave me a script. Slowly but surely, I had to increase the amount I was taking, until I started on OxyContin. I took percocet for the first three years, and Oxy's for the next/last year. While I was prescribed Oxy's, I found out a friend was selling her Oxy's to a dealer here in Toronto, so I got in touch with him.

It all happens so quickly. One day I was taking one or two percocet, next thing I know...I'm abusing Oxy's, buying them from a dealer when I ran out of my script.

The shame I had was horrible. The day I decided to come clean and get help is a day I'll never forget. Ever. A weight had been lifted off my shoulders and I was on my way to recovery.

We each have our own versions of our stories, but it all enRAB the same way. One day we just can't take it anymore and we get help, somehow.

Keep a journal of how you are feeling, both physically and emotionally. You will look back on it one day, and see how far you've come. I start each day with a gratitude list and a call to my sponsor. I am grateful for this board, cause for a long time, this was all I had. I had a secret, but on here I didn't have to hold anything back. There are some really wonderful people here, who have helped me more than you could ever know. This board is a part of my family now, as I've grown close to a nuraber of users.

I wish you health, luck and a smooth road to recovery. You sound very determined. Keep posting. Write a journal. Be honest with yourself, always.

Hugs,
emsmom
 
Hi camperlot1 - I am glad that you posted and that you want to change your situation. Congrates on the C/T! Something I have found after getting off of the oxy this last time (as well as the first time) was that my pain substantially decreased from what I "thought" it was when I was taking the oxy. I believe it is called "opioid-induced abnormal pain sensitivity" and after this second time detoxing from the drug, I am a firm believer that it occurs. You may find out that your pain actually decreases once you are off of the hydro. My pain still exists, but is is bearable at this point, although some days I am so tempted to take that little white pill to make it go completely away - I resist. I'm better without it! I'm not the same person when I'm on the oxy.

I noticed cravings around the 2 week period and then sporadically there after. The best thing to do if they occur is to think about how good you feel w/o the opiates and keep the good feeling inside you. It will help to make the cravings go away.

Sorry I didn't post sooner - I've just had a lot going on lately. Keep up the good work!!
 
Camper,

I am SOOOOO sorry for your loss!!! It breaks my heart just thinking of it!

The advice you have been given is a sure thing. Loss can trigger cravings and use.

THANK YOU Emsmom for sharing your story. I think it has helped more people than you will ever know.

Hang in there Camper and you will be in my thoughts and prayers!
 
Hi to everyone. Wow what a difference a few days make. Finally feel much better. Wow Ive been cleaning house and I really felt good. I mean I enjoyed it. Just letting you all know im doing so much better. Time Time Time thats all we have anyway. I feel like Reach. A wife, mom, and my som getting married in the summer. Ive wasted 3 years of my life. I just hope there are so many of us and more on here that can make it. As Reach said baby steps and believe me that was all I've been able to take most of the week. But today was so much better. Worked all day then cleaned house. Havn't posted much about my story but I can tell you when you are to the point you have to have your pills beside your bed to try to get up in the morning. Its time. The bad thing is I never could even get to the normal feeling. Believe it or not I have more energy right now than I can even remeraber when. Sorry for so long. Felt so much better had to post. Anyone trying dont give up. Not in 1 week or 2 weeks got to 3 weeks you be so much better.
 
THANK YOU ice. I also read your post. Think about you also. Wish you best of luck.
 
One more thing I wanted to add....

"We" did not get you here... YOU got you here and I am so proud of you for doing so! Welcome, welcome, welcome!!!!

I look so forward to getting to know you!
 
Thanks Emerson. Was a long day at work. My only problem is no energy. But its up at 5:30 AM and getting ready for work. I know well about the money. I had legal perscription. But as you know trhats never enough. $100.00 a day was tuff.
I learned from this site already enough to know how its happens read for so many months. Just energy is all I need, Dont have a hard job THANK YOU LORD.
But just having to be there is bad enough. Maybe soon sleep will come. praying.THANK YOU ALL.
 
Hiya Camper

Your post brought a smile to my face this morning. It is so good to see the progress and wonderful to hear a lighter tone in your worRAB.

Understanding the process of withdrawal does help so very much in going with the flow of it. I was honestly in a state of terror in the beginning as I had no idea what was happening to me. I was scared to death. It was when I found this board and frienRAB here guided me through it that I began to be able to cope with it. We truly can become restored and whole again!

I think now may be the time to start gently prodding you a bit to work on an aftercare plan and get it in place. We really have to start recognizing those things that caused us to abuse drugs. It is a horrible way to cope with life. We need to learn and put solidly in our brains new coping mechanisms. For me, I worked with a clinical social worker to understand what prompted by behaviour and how to correct it. Personally, I was trying to be the fixer of all problems for everyone. I was way in over my head and finally came to understand that it not only wasn't my job, but not healthy for me or those I imposed it on. I also had to deal with a lot of buried hurt and grief. I was hiding from it all and from life in the pills. If we do not deal with the things in our subconscious that dictate our conscious behavior, we will fall right back into the old coping mechanisms. This is a vital part of a successful plan to control our addictive behaviour. Absolutely vital. Put lots of thought into how you can proceed with your own aftercare, okay?

So, Mom, Wife, Mother-of-the-groon and Vital Woman... here's to another good day. Look forward to many more in your life.

Hugs
reach
 
Hello Camper

Glad to see you posting now. I know it can be hard at first to put down in black and white our secret, innermost truths and hurts. You have started and I so hope you continue. A good start!

The way the posts of some of us impacted your life, in turn your posts will impact others. It is a blessing to us when our sharing can help others and it is a blessing that keeps going round and round. Funny how we all know each other in spirit, isn't it?

Boy, did it ever hit home when you wrote about taking pills first thing upon waking. At the height of my using and abusing, that is what I found myself doing. Convinced myself that it would ward off pain. In truth, I wasn't even awake enough to know if I was in pain or not. I was just blocking out the day in drug haze from the get go each morning. I was sinking fast at that point and it wasn't soon after that I did just finally break. Totally, horribly, and, I thought, irrepairably. Thank God above that I could be fixed, that my body and brain could still be repaired. Now I wake in the morning and think about the day ahead. I don't fear the coming day anymore, I look forward to it. Doesn't even have to have anything out of the ordinary in it to enjoy it. Smiles.

This will all come to be for you also. It took a long time to mess our brains and bodies up and the repair time can seem long also. However, it will come and you will find yourself restored and finding pleasure in life again.

I don't think any of us like to have to say we are drug addicts. Not the first thing I would want to put on a life resume in my name. Chuckles. However, since becoming sober and clean, I remeraber once more all the other things I am also. I am a wife and mom and grandma. I am a woman who can be witty and charming and intelligent. We are all more than addicts. We are all unique human beings who each has something to offer to the world in our being.

As you work to restore yourself from the drugs, work also to restore all the good and wonderful parts of yourself. Share yourself with the world and add good things to it. Stay a part of this circle here also and keep the blessings of sobriety flowing.

With hope always
reach
 
Thanks Tiffla but my recovery will have to be done by me and frienRAB here.
I do understand where you are coming from. But as I said I told no one of my addiction.
It can be done I work every day, always have. Right now there are no cravings. Really been doing great.
Through God all things are possible.
Three weeks is long time really but every day is better.I dont count days, weeks, or hours anymore. Just getting on with life.
Thanks for reply.
 
Hey Camper

Good for you for making that push to go to work. That has to be tough. It will help, though. It will force the brain to start producing what it neeRAB more quickly and help the body. You are doing a great job.

Is sleep coming for you? I used Melatonin, 3 mgs, to help with sleep. It did help me to fall asleep even though sometimes it was only a few hours. Even that few hours would feel good.

Camper, we don't feel our best for a while after withdrawal. Don't get discouraged by that. It will come. Baby steps. It comes in baby steps. Each baby step is a victory and we need to look at it that way. Each little step forward is one more step to becoming whole again. Rebuilding takes time!

Stay strong, friend.
Hugs
reach
 
Hello again camper,

Although you are finding it hard at work now, feel blessed that you had the initial two weeks off. It could be worse. Imagine if you had to work during the first few days of detox? I've read so many posts about people not having time off, and having to detox while at work (oh the horror!).

Reach is right - Being at work will help you in the long run. "It will force the brain to start producing what it neeRAB more quickly and help the body." I agree profusely.

You may not agree, however sitting at home is much worse. You'd feel the withdrawal alot more, but more importantly, your brain is actively working (getting ideas, looking forward into your day about upcoming deadlines or projects), therefore there is less chance of a relapse. You see, if you're sitting at home, feeling every part of withdrawal, it may trigger your brain to start "finding" ways to get more pills. It happens to the best of us.

I hope you're able to get some sleep, as that will make you feel better as well. Melatonin is a good option. You can also try benedryl (but be careful if you are using more than one 'sleeping agent.' Once you're over the initial 'bumps in the road,' you will start to notice that your days are getting better and better.

The MOST important thing is that you are honest with yourself. Keep posting :) There's nothing wrong with getting many suggestions/recommendations. In fact, I considered myself very lucky, as I had SO many people on this board who wanted to help :)



Thinking of you,
emsmom
 
Hi Camper,

So glad to hear you're doing well :) Three weeks doesn't sound like a long time, but to an addict...it certainly is!

As each day passes, know you are one more day clean. It's great that you are not counting the days/weeks/hours. Accept each day as a gift, and keep your goals in mind. I started writing a gratitude list after I completed Rehab. Every day, I write down what I am thankful for (and why), and it helps me start my day off feeling blessed to be clean. Maybe you could give it a try.

Stay strong camper, you are on a good path :)

Hugs,
emsmom
 
Thanks Reach for your reply. It lifted me up. Working today. Doing OK.
Love You All.
 
Good morning Camper,

I'm so glad you're feeling better. What a difference, huh? Don't get discouraged if you have a little withdrawal here and there. That's normal. It seems like you're on the right path now :)

Hoping every day is like today :)

RegarRAB,
emsmom
 
Thanks EMSMOM and REACH. I know there will be good days and bad days. Had good
weekend went to church. Thats not new always have.
I got really down on Saturday when I found out that a friend I went to school with all my life died. He and his wife were high school sweethearts. He had great job for years. Too good. Had been on drugs for about 25 of those. He visited me at work many times
but there was nothing for anyone to do. Been in detox so many times.
Finally his wife of 32 years divorced him about 2 years ago. She was a saint.
Wat was so sad when you read deaths in the newspaper and you see 1 Son. 1 former wife of 32 years.
Son is in prison for second time. Got out 1 year ago now back in.
Anyone who searching please get help. There is life after drugs. And it really is a much better one. Sorry had to post this it was just on my mind. Im not on top of the world today, but I almost feel normal.
 
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