Trouble with in-laws already?

[lili]

My husband and I are expecting a baby girl in July. His second and my first. Lately I've been getting annoyed by his parents and the way they just don't seem to care about certain things. We were talking about car seats earlier today and they were trying to remember what they'd done with my step-son's old car seat(he's 5). I told them it would probably be expired by the time the baby was born anyway and the first thing my father in law said was "well, that's stupid how they put expiration dates on those things these days". I tried explaining to them that it's not stupid, that it's a good idea because safety standards are changing so much that they have to keep the car seats up to date. They just blew me off like I didn't know anything because I'm a first time mom and they know it all. I'm worried about the way they rationalize things sometimes. I can imagine them going out and finding some really old crappy car seat and trying to put my daughter in it just because they don't see the harm in it. They also have this really old highchair (looks like it's from the 80's)that they used for my step-son and they intend to use it with my daughter. I tried to talk them into trading it in to get a discount towards a new one at Babies R Us since they have this trade in event going but they refuse to spend the money on a new one.
I don't know if it's just me worrying over stupid stuff just because I'm pregnant, but I'm really starting to get uncomfortable at the thought of leaving my baby alone with them. My step-son has never gotten hurt while he's with them and he loves visiting them... but I can't get over this feeling.
Another thing is they're always making racist comments and jokes... especially to my step-son because his older half-sister is half black. I don't want them teaching my daughter that crap and they know how I feel about it... but I know as soon as I leave they'll do it.
How do I get them to understand that my concerns aren't just something they can just blow off. I'd hate to have to tell them they can't have the baby over to visit(they only live 5 doors down from me so it's not like I'd send my baby across town to visit her grandparents alone). Am I just being over-protective already or am I right to be concerned?
Also... my husband is in no way "protective" of his parents... chances are, if something they do bothers me a little... it pisses him off a lot. It's not likely he will ever take thier side over mine when it comes to the kids.

 

[lolxlisa]

Oh wow I'm really angry for you.

The government says you should purchase a new carseat every 5 years (or earlier) and if the carseat has been in even a minor traffic accident.

I don't think your being over protective about anything. Not the carseat, or the the highchair, or the racist statements.

My advice is to be coy about your feelings. The old highchair can suffer an unfortunate "accident" . You could bring over a new highchair as a replacement.

As for the racist comments, I'd wait and see if they actually do make them in front of your child. If they do, just say "I don't want you teaching that to my baby.", and take her home until they realize that its not going to be tolerated.

Until then, you're just going to drive yourself crazy thinking of all the things that other people could do to mess up your kid... Thats why I'm on yahooanswers at 4:30am instead of sleeping.

 

[Emmy's mummy]

I love in-law questions.

They all have the same running theme, we mothers are always unable to communicate with them, what we need from them regarding OUR children. We've all had these same issues.

My advice to you is that its not worth it to get stressed over things you think theyre going to do wrong with your child. The resentment will build and you'll lose trust in them. I found with mine, it was far better for me to blurt out if they'd done something I wasn't happy with, or if I needed something done a certain way. It caused arguments with my husband (..you shouldn't boss them about!..) but we need to feel our babies are being well looked after don't we?

Remember safety is really the only thing its work kicking up a fuss about. When my in laws bought a car seat for my daughter (to put in their car), and installed it forward facing when she was nowhere approaching the safety limit for that, I told them - Turn it round please, it isn't safe, she's not heavy enough. They turned it round, job done. My husband was not happy with my approach. Oh well.

Anyway, pick your battles. If theres nothing unsafe about the highchair, (and you check it first), let them use it. The car seat on the other hand. You say no. Car seats expire because of light induced degredation to the plastic casing, which generally takes it unsafe after 5-6 years. If they used the same car seat for your baby that they used 5 years ago, it would likely shatter in a crash. Those are the facts and you tell them that.