'Tis better to have loved and lost....

H

Hott S

New member
Okay... So I guess the following is going to be a story which you are all used to hearing... boy likes girl, girl breaks boys heart, boy wants to die.

So if you're sick of hearing it. I suggest you stop reading now ;)

Mmmmmk... Where to start. (this all takes place in BAND)
Haha, band drama

Well okay... At the start of my junior year in highschool, we had the normal flow of freshman nothing special I thought... about half way through the year, I started to really like this one girl. Her name was Marianne... a freshman who had recently moved to the US from South Africa(yes, she was black and i am white). Every second I was around her, I could not stop thinking about how sweet and beautiful she was. Well, after a while, one of my "good friends" started to notice how I acted around her, and one day decided to ask "Hey dude, do you like Marianne?". At the time i thought nothing of it so i said "Yeah" and I thought that was that...

So I guess a couple weeks later I was chilling at this "good friends" house, and we were in his room with about 2 or 3 other people playing video games. Xbox, Dream cast what ever... So.... his phone rings and he picks it up and starts talking and talking and talking... and he eventually leaves the room. So I look at the caller ID on the base of the phone to see who he's talking to... GUESS WHO? Yeah, it was Marianne, the girl i told him I liked and had told him many times on AIM how much i liked her... so needless to say I was pretty pissed... and there was not much i could do about it... considering (as i would find out later) she liked him too...

So to make the next part very short. This continued basically to the end of my junior year and about half the summer. They spent hours on the phone talking, Sign on aim and go invisible and talk to each other (with out either of them IMing me =/ ). I didn't want to be Steven's (the "good friend") friend any more at all... but i played it off like nothing was wrong... for a LONG time.

Then.. as it would seem, my prayers were answered... They didnt like each other any more.. and they werent exactly on good terms. So... i guess about a week or 2 later... i decided that I was going to tell her i liked her.

I didn't want to do it face to face because i'm way too F***ing nervous, so what i did was, I got a card, spilled my heart and soul into it, got her a box of her favorite chocolates, put it all in a bag, gave it to her at some band practice and told her not to open it until she got home. After band practice I was really worried / nervous about how she would react to it. Later that night, i signed on AIM and she said hey, and we started talking. She said she was "really touched, but, we cant have a relationship of that calibur" because she's not allowed to date until 18 -_-;; I was fine with that... I was happy just to have finally got it off my chest, and that she didnt seem to mind at all. We were still great friends.

So... Summer ended and it was the start of my senior year. I started hanging out with her and her friends in the morning, being with her whenever i could... and she didnt mind. I don't remember exactly how it happend but we started talking A LOT on the phone. Which i had never done with anyone before. It started off with me calling her once or twice a week and then after a while i started calling her every day... we got REALLY close even though she wasnt allowed to date. After a while she started asking me to hang out with her after shcool since her ride didnt come until about 3:30ish and we got out at 2:30. So.. that's what i started doing. We would sit together on the bus too and from football games (we were both in the marching band) etc etc... we were really close.

So it's now november of my senior year and we're still really close. Our marching band had been invited to go to disney world and be part of the Micky's very merry X-mas parade. I was super excited about this because i knew she and i would be sitting together on the bus, and that we would get 2 free days at disneyworld just to chill.

The night before the trip... she tells me that she doesn't want me to do the "tickling" thing any more, and she doesn't want us to act like bf/gf any more. So i'm like "okay.. w/e." I try not to let it bother me. She had said this once before, and nothing changed... So... next day, on the bus, i try to get flirty w/ her, we watch family guy w/e. but she doesnt let me get flirty w/ her. and about 30 mins b4 we get to disney world. there is this other guy, and she starts messing w/ his hair... the whole "oh let me brush your hair for you" and "let me braid it" thing. This really really REALLY aggrivated me... I tried to not let it bother me though. However... on the way out of the park, we were walking off the fairy and i was talking to her, and the same fucking kid comes up from behind us and starts talking to her.. and they ended up walking arm in arm off the fairy all giggly and every thing... this just pissed me off.

So... on the bus, i'm on the verge of tears, and she asks me whats wrong (obviously she knows and she wants to talk about it). I said "how can you tell me that we can't act like that, yet you can go up to other guys and do that kind of stuff w/ them and it's perfectly fine?" I said to her, "i thought u said you liked me and that even tho we werent going out, to you, it felt like we were" and she said "yah, i did". And i said "... so what.. have things changed or something?" She said "yeah, i said that, but lately i've been looking at our relationship as just friends" I didnt know what to say after that... but after that part, she was all like "i'm sorry" and "i feel like a heartless b-i-t-c-h"

However.... the next day, she didnt even seem to give 1/2 of a shit... she never asked me once how i was feeling. I was by myself. I even had ppl in the band whom i've never talked to b4 come up to me and ask me how was feeling... I found it really sad that ppl who i didnt know would come up to me and ask me what was wrong when she's supposed to be my friend and she didnt.

So... on the bus ride back, she was sitting w/ me again. and she was studying... and after a little while, she asked me "is it okay w/ you if i go over and sit with ben (aka the guy she was doing the hair flirty thing w/) to show him my pictures?" i had already made it clear to her that i didnt like the way she was acting w/ ben, and that it hurt. So i gave her a dead stare in the eyes, then looked away, and said "you know what? do what ever you want." So she said to ben "hey, i'll just sit over here, and listen to what you guys are talking about" and i thought to myself, "wow, that's one of the most non-selfish things i've seen her do on this trip" However... bout 20 mins later... she went and did it any way.. and at that point i was like fuck it, put on my ipod, volume to the max and just looked out the window.

So I tried to let it all pass, I tried to still be friends with her... but it was pointless.. ever time i was around her i would have to listen to her get flirty with that other guy... she didnt seem to care about how i felt at all.

It all ended in like December of 05.. and I'm still hurting.. it fucking sucks to take this long to heal :sad:



Sorry it's so long.

Tis better to have love and lost than to never have loved at all? FUCK THAT!
 
I always thought that saying was a bit odd... "Tis better to have loved and lost than to never had loved at all'. Of course what they dont say is 'Tis best to have loved and won.'

About now the only thing you can try to do is get back out there and find someone else to fill the void and replace the lost.
 
That sucks. And I know what you mean, that saying is a bunch of bullshit..

Don't know what else to say besides try to move on. Not helpful, I know.
 
Then a woman said, "Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow."
And he answered:
Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
Is not the cup that hold your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?
And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?
When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.
Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."
But I say unto you, they are inseparable.
Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.
Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.
Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.
When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.

The Prophet, By Kahlil Gibran



======================================
so yes, it is better to have loved and lost. Why? Because you learn from it. You learn what it means to love, and what you need to do when you do love. She's obviously not interested in you in that way. As much as it hurts, you have to let her go. If that means severing all contact, then that's what you have to do. You also need to tell her how you're feeling; straight up, no flowers, no prose, just "i feel..." and leave it at that. I know you're in band together, and the bus trips might be awkward, but you can tell her "go sit somewhere else please. I can't handle having you sit here"

she does seem to care about you, but no more than one friend cares for another. you may have to settle for friendship rather than anything more. If you can move past this, a friend who cares is a valuable thing to have. And if you truly do love her, you'll want her to be happy even if it isn't with you.
 
You know why it still hurts?

You're stubborn and you take a long time to let things go.

It's ok.

It's also ok to let it go.

I found the best way to REALLY get over my ex was to bring her back into my life. 'Cause then I'm constantly reminded of both what a great person she is and of how we're really not meant to be together romantically. We're great friends, or at least we will be eventually.

It being this long and you're still hung up could be that you're putting this girl on a pedestal, your mind is creating this interpretation of what she was. You need to concentrate on the negative shit. Go ask a friend or family member to write a list of why they thought you guys were bad for each other ('cause I know they thought that, they always do). Ask them to be honest about it and not pull any punches. And READ THAT LIST!

Oh and, no I didn't read the whole thing. Just the first sentence and last sentence.

EDIT: Ok, I skimmed a little. Sounds like the bitch was playing with your emotions. She's confused doesn't know what she wants. Why would you want to be with somebody like that? A nice distraction or something?
 
I had a crush on a girl in high school, but I never acted on it. I was nervice about it and all that jazz. I still regreat it to this day, cause I found out the she had a crush on me, but she is married now. You did something that I have heard alot of people cop out on, you aproched her about how you felt. Now, I know it's hard to get over somehting like that, but I also think she didn't plan on anything comming out of your realationship (from what I read.)
 
Your problem here dragonboy is that from the perspective of a female there are only two types of guys, boyfriend material and friend material. Because you didn't have the chance to be more intimate with her you found yourself, in her mind, slipping into the friend's catergory. She's not a cold heartless bitch, just female. The thing she's got with this new guy won't last more than a few month's.

there's no point getting worked up about her, nothing's ever gonna happen once your a 'friend.' You need to move on quickly. ;)
 
Well Dragon, I have to be honest. I know exactly where you're coming from...in fact I had a long long thread about it a few months ago, and I think I'll convey some advice that some fellow WTFers gave me.

First of all, I agree that she was confused about what she wanted, but I want to say that, well, it happens a lot with girls. They really just never know what they want until they are already in a relationship, and by that time you had better hope that you are the lucky one.

It's ok to feel really shitty about the whole situation...I got ditched by a girl who liked some guy in Kansas...and I live in Virginia. Haha yeah long story but the best way to get over the feeling of, "What could we have been?" is to leave the area in which she hangs out. Or at least avoid her. I know bklyn said not to...but the best way for me to cope with my ex[if thats what you want to call her] was to just alienate her from my life completely. I didn't want to think about her, and somehow that does the trick. Yeah, it hurts. It hurts real bad. But if you stick around and like her you'll probably just end up hurting more and well, noone wants a broken heart with a side of anxiety attacks, eh?

Anyway man...move on, find someone else...and keep doing your thing. You seem like the kind of guy who knows what you're doing and when you get nervous, you can at least play it off like a gentleman.

:hug2: its all good man
 
Yeah angry, that's what i ended up doing... after every thing happend, she wanted to be "cool with me" and she still wanted to be friends, but it hurt me way too much. To be around her, knowing that i had lost her, etc. So about 3 days before valentines day, i sent her a message saying "look, maybe down the road we can be friends again, just not now" (well, it said more than that, but that's the basic message) and since I've completely avoided her.

One of my friends gave me the quote "out of sight, out of mind" and it really helps.
 
Well it's good to see that you've actually made some progress though. One of my friends has broken up with his girlfriend a total of 4 times over the past year and wants to date her yet another time. I told him that he definitely shouldn't...she's done sooo many things that would piss me off into another dimension.

Good luck man! :)

edit: me repps you once I figure out how haha
 
I am sorry ,dude, that girls sounds like every other girl in highschool,a bitch and a dits. If she destroyed you inside that bad ,then give it back 2x over. It may be mean ,but some girls have to learn we have feelings too.
 
Yeah ^ agree.

Sounds like she was never ready for a 'serious' relationship to begin with.
If she wants to braid other guys' pubes and be flirty, then you probably wouldn't want to date her anyway.

Many fish in the sea.
 
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