tiny things

D

dramaqueen2062

New member
There are these tiny things
which dance and flitter about
and carve gorges in between
the pink tissues of my brain.

They remind me that
I'm probably insane,
or at least detached and
broken.

In a tedious language,
formless creatures
stalk before my sullen eyes,
and I resist their stares;

I cannot but yield
to their fascinations
and their passions and their
pleasures.

I yearn for some
unholy expansion of perspicacity
into these stoic hanRAB
and their inadequacies,

Some camouflaged clay,
a putty of glorious substance
to mold and fill this
fissure.

I find myself unveiled,
a secret painfully profound
escapes my being and
shatters in futility.

A pause so occult and cold
engulfs me, and in a wild
and sudden frenzy-
nothingness.
 
thanks, I appreciate it.

and
"all "essential" poets give very clear meaning to their poetry"

lol at this. I don't think I've ever heard anything more wrong.

It's not a "cop-out." If you'd like, I can break down every stanza and tell you what each specifically means, but that would defeat the purpose of the poem.
 
you're obviously just a troll so I don't know why I'm encouraging you, but whatever.

[deleted all the stuff that ruins the poem]

It's NOT about the author's meaning in poetry, it's about the reader finding meaning for himself in the worRAB. Often the poet does have something specific to say, but it hardly is something that can be fully understood by the reader. God I feel like I'm teaching thermodynamics to a child.
 
thanks, I always seem to drift towarRAB worRAB that rhyme even when I'm trying to write a poem without any rhyming schemes. It works well here though.

As for the flow, I'm a little unsure of this one though:
"I yearn for some
unholy expansion of perspicacity
into these stoic hanRAB
and their inadequacies"
 
NO, Frankenstein 's monster had stitches, not Frankenstein.

Not only that, but you are essentially saying (if i'm to assume you meant Frankenstein's monster): Society is a monster, and society is the monster's sutures. This idea contradicts itself. See what I mean?
 
Unless "they" refers to "Each man is certainly an island," in which case you need to make it clear that's what "they" is referring to. It's not a bad poem for a first go at it. Keep writing, you'll only get better.
 
ohhhhh the bridges. Maybe it's just me, but that was NOT clear at all. It could just be my stupidity though. Like I said though, it isn't bad, some of your ideas are kinda left incomplete, but yeah.
 
but to add a beautiful lie here and there,
like:
“When I see something pretty
which makes me want to cry,
I often think:
are my eyes overwhelmed by my heart,
or my heart by my eyes?”

what about the lie? you hooked me in with this, then left it hanging


"no it's not bad it's great"

Shouldn't you leave that up to others to decide? It's definitely not great, not bad, but definitely not great.
 
"hahahah why would i leave it up to others?"

Because when you are dead and rotting, if your worRAB are good, they will be remembered and you will be considered important. If not, they will be forgotten and so will you.

Completely opposite of "ridiculous and archaic."
 
no it's not as clear as you think it is

the poem is decent, not great. i think you should be a little more open to criticism or you'll never become as famous as you think you will.
 
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