Time for a short poem,please leave your comments?

G

Godfather Al Pacino

New member
I am a captive in your heart
How easily you forget that part
Removing me from your life
Won't remove me from you
Residing in your heart
I will be everywhere and
In everything you do.
i like your suggestion crazy gracey,i will try that.
edited version of this poem.

I am a captive
In your heart,
How easily
You forget that part,
Removing me
From your life,
Won't remove me
From you,
Residing in
your heart,
I will be everywhere and
In everything you do.
 
Thats really nice... how bout....


I am a captive,
in your heart,
How easily you forget that part.

Removing me,
from your life,
Won't remove me from you.

Residing in your heart,
I will be everywhere,
and in everything you do.
 
You could turn this upside down and it would be good to read. Good job! (I actually prefer your original version) Thanks for sharing.
 
Tht's a good one.... I liked the way you formed the last two lines...!!!

Rhyming is not necessary ...you atleast need a line with 4-5 words...you just cant have a two...so the first version is fine for me...!!!
 
Aw. That is a really nice train of thought you have here. May I make a suggestion? I would break it into more lines to add more rhythm to it e.g. :

I am a captive
in your heart. How easily
you forget
that part.

What do you think? It is so gorgeous really. Good job.
 
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