thoughts

C

cap

New member
I am sick of the same veiw out of the window. lookin at the blue sky but not knowing wtf to do and ending up bored again.
i have lived in the same house all my life. i want to be in cornwall, i dont want to be at college. i realised that the only reason im there is so when my family say "so katherine, what do you do now" i dont have to say nothing. i feel so strongly that life is too short.
my mother had kid at 20. im 18 but i feel like there is so much living still to do. im afraid of becoming too old to have children, to old so there will be a distance between us, i want my child to have evrrything the best in life. not materialistic things, advice , wisdom as i want to do so much. i will be 20 when i leave school , where does that leave me. 3 useless A-levels and a dream without direction. i have so much to do, no money, and little time. i dont want to let go of my dreams, the western world isnt everything. i want to experience all cultures, all ways of life, and i want to fit in to one of them, i know my destiny is out there. its out that window, somewhere, but i have no idea where to find it or how to find it.
every second is like another nail in the coffin, every minute is another agonising search for what i really want. but im still sat here looking out of the window.
 
I refer to it as limitations.. I have such high ambitions for this world.. I want to change it, shape it, and show this world who I am and what I can do.. but I often ask myself would it be worth it?.. really?.. It will all disapear when we all pass away.. or will it? who knows?.. but given so many limits and cages I just let what happens happen.. if i can avoid it or influence the possible outcome then I will.. but when you can't do something.. you can't! prepare for the worst and hope for the best. as far as kids are concerned.. i'd make sure i can offer them as much as i can before I have any.
 
the thing is, however big you are you cannever change the world. look at this guy alan carr,(strange example) he has a fool proof way to stop smoking, he has changed millioms of lives yet still the majority of people smoke. whatever you do you cant change everything.
 
You think this is unique to you? Almost every kid who is in school has no money, or even in debt. You just need to realize that you are where you are for a reason. You are learning, to advance your own culture and to learn the necessary skills to perform in the real world. With time, or drugs, you will also learn to take the ups with the downs. Some days its gonna be blue, some gray, and some you will be bored no matter what color the sky is. work now will equal play later.
 
Back
Top