This isn't a question (yes a rant) but I feel it's an important one for the sake...

C

chickenfarmer

New member
...of new mothers. There is a? of anti-CIO rhetoric on here and much of it I agree with in terms of meeting your baby's emotional needs but, if you are exhausted, have been up several times in the night, met your baby's physical needs and simply cannot fathom getting up again, your are not going to damage your child if you let them cry for a bit while you compose yourself. It's dangerous to impose that kind of idea on a new mother who is overwhelmed.
I'm not condoning or condemning CIO. I'm simply suggesting that sometimes, when you don't know a parents situation, telling them they are going to destroy their baby's sense of trust if you let them cry for a bit, is dangerous for a new mother who will feel like she can't take a few minutes to catch her breath or her baby will be forever changed for the worse.
Mama Bean: Yes, that's exactly who I'm addressing (well even many mothers who are just flat out overwhelmed with or without the added stress of ppd. I'm not suggesting mothers do this all the time or even at all, I didn't cio but understanding that once in a while, you should walk away instead of letting your exhaustion and stress fuzz your common sense is not a bad thing.
Mamabean: I appreciate your point of view and I agree that I hope if a mother is on the verge, that there is someone else to take over!
 
hmm i personally do think CIO does do damage. too much cortisol in the Brain can slow brain growth and development and cause hormonal imbalance's in the brain. however, i do think if you're overwhelmed and you're afraid you're going to freak out walking away is best. However, parents who are down stairs having a drink or watch soaps while their baby is crying because " they need to learn" i believe it's just laziness
 
I was an overwhelmed over tired new breastfeeding 18 year old mom with a baby that was up every 2 hours day and night to eat. He never slept longer than 2 hours until he was 6 months old. I never left him to CIO, NEVER. Well, except for the time it took me to rinse off when we would wake up while I was in the shower. If a baby is crying they need tended to, simple as that. There isn't anything "dangerous" about imposing the idea, or fact, that when a baby cries they need your attention.

Of course if you feel you are losing your cool walk away, but once you walk away use that time to call someone to help you. If you are so exhaused and stressed you cannot do anything but leave your child to cry call for help.
 
I used cry-it-out with my first son because I was so physically drained I had to learn to walk away after his needs were all met. Once I put him in the bath with his socks on I was so tired and loopy....at that point I realized that I couldn't make him stop crying always...sometimes he has to cry-it-out. When I did this, it took a week or two at night and he finally got the difference between night and day and he slept through the night around 9 weeks old. I will do the same this time....I am 34 weeks along. There is nothing wrong with it if the child's needs are met and they are in a safe location and you can hear and get to them right away.
 
I normally agree with most of your posts. However a few minutes yes. But sometimes a baby doesn't need physical tending to(ie diaper,feeding etc). But rather emotional need(holding,snuggling,security). As most new moms want some comfort, new babies are the same way. Yes my 4 week old sometimes just needs to be held in the middle of the night for a few minutes and while I may be tired and delirous (have two other kids) I still drag my butt out of bed as part of my job as his mother is to make sure he feels secure. I've had to get up and bounce my 22 month old around our property at 3am to calm her down. It is part of what we do. They are only babies for so long, so I see it as take in every moment. Most of my fave memories are the 2am snuggles!
 
"It's dangerous to impose that kind of idea on a new mother who is overwhelmed."

I'm sorry I don't understand why?
Are you talking about moms with PPD? Overall emotional problems? If not, I don't agree. It's not dangerous to impose the idea that a mother need tend to her child, and yes I believe when a child is crying ... the child needs tended to no matter what time it is.

edit** with all due respect (because we agree about many many other things:) I must disagree. Women with PPD need support and treatment for their hormone induced chemical imbalance. Encouraging them to let the baby cry won't help her anyways. The sound of the crying is what I would fear would set her over the edge. I believe women with such problems need more support and help from family than other mothers. So in a case where it's 3am and to much for her I would hope someone else could comfort the baby.
 
It is very emotionally and mentally important for a child to learn to self soothe. Giving them instant attention and doing everything for them will impair their mental growth. That is why so many kids are idiots.
 
I'm still not sure on the whole subject. I can understand why a mother of a one year old getting desperate as she hasn't had a full night's sleep since the birth. I can understand a new mother with other issues - such as PND, or some sort of huge emotional upheaval (more than that of every new mother) feeling that kind of desperation, but I don't like the thought of babies being left to cry so the parent can 'teach' them to self sooth. I mean, walking away when you're distressed is fine, but teaching a baby that no-one comes when they cry - despite having been attached to you, hearing your heartbeat 24/7, for 9 months. But yes, telling them that CIO is a necessity (as some people tried to tell me) isn't benefitting anyone - a mother needs to learn too, she must learn that another life, another person's comfort, comes before her own from now on.
ETA - Lynx - you can teach an older baby to self sooth without letting them cry themselves to sleep. I have done it myself with both of my children. And no, it doesn't create children who are idiots, it creates independant and yet secure children.
 
This used to be my very touchy subject here and for good reason. Spend a few days in the newborn & baby section and you will see how many people let their 1 week old baby cry for 2 hours. Those are the ones that get me. There is a time and place for everything, that is not it.

Newborn... Infant... Toddler= big difference
5 minutes... 30 minutes... 2 hours= again, big difference

ETA: I just read your additional details... You think more along the lines of myself, rather than that person I mentioned above. What you are getting at, I completely agree.
 
i agree...there is nothing wrong with letting your child cry after you've done everything to meet their needs. this happened to me last night...my son did not want to do anything but cry..he was fed, diaper was changed, didn't wanna play with toys, didn't want his swing, didn't wanna play with his brother...so i put him in his bed and let him cry...he cried for a little bit then fell asleep. i don't know what his problem was but there was nothing more i could do for him.
 
Back
Top