this is the first poem ihave EVER written, what do you think &how can improve? (:

  • Thread starter Thread starter ♥kitty
  • Start date Start date

♥kitty

Guest
thank you? my sunny skys have turned to gray
with all hope to escape the foul taste you left my mouth..
you see im broken&strayed, yet your left with nothing to say, you'll easily turn your back, &ill be counting the footsteps as you walk away...


my eyes are wide awake now &all iwant to be,
is a bird soaring overseas, careless with glee, ido to deserve
to be happy...

The sleepless nights will come to end, the humble clouds of blue and white will open a captivating beam of light.
and through the nights i will soar, the colorless pavement will mask in gold.
iam numb, but ifeel my toes tickling the floor.My thoughts, my words, my actions are cold.
but its time, yes its time to return to bold ..

the summoned lies will bottle in your heart so
hollow, in the end you will drown in your own overwhelming sorrow.

"we were doing so great" i could hear the ring, of what is now the screeching memory ..

your misleading poetic voice, flamed the heart i had to give, dangling on a thin stitched string, for an overbearing poor indiscreet choice.

But never ever more have you lost your self? what do you seem to be? a everlasting character that changes to horrendous things, I'd never thought I'd see...
ialready made some adjustments that improved a bit. thank you for your suggestion.
 
it's very nice poem you wrote here i think you can improve on using some strong hard hitting words which will amaze the once who will read your other cool poems and they just become speechless right and all they would want to do will be get up and clap for you 6 times right.
 
Back
Top