And this is you reading all of it. 
I feel... exhausted, with having to deal with everyday life. I dread going anywhere, doing anything. And that's bad, because sometimes I give into it and just don't do shit.
I just don't.
The doctor put me on 10mg Celexa to help with anxiety and panic attacks, but I'm not sure if it's working yet. I get headaches, blurred vision, stomach aches, and I've only been on it for 4 days. It's supposed to take 2 weeks to start. And all the while, my thoughts have steered dangerously close to... just things.
I missed five days of school in a row. Eight is the limit, before you don't get the credits they make you slave for. The system at my school is fucked up, seriously. And I'd work with it, if it weren't for how many ridiculous people there are in charge there. They don't listen to what you have to say. Most of the time, they're just downright stupid. All they want is to improve the grade point average of the school to get government money. They couldn't care less if you learn a damn thing.
I have to pass all of my 7 classes, as well as a night class I haven't been going to. Or else I don't graduate. I was a fucking charity case to the people up here, and they're ballsy enough to say I might not be able to graduate.
Which is why I wanted to stay in my hometown. Graduate with the people I grew up with, have the classes I needed/wanted, and all around enjoy the benefits of a good deal. But things went sour. It couldn't work out, for one reason, and for yet another. I still miss it. I still wish I were back there.
Which brings me to the 600 dollars I owe. Yes, after two days of having my license, I ran over someone's stone mailbox. And backed up into a truck a few hours later, but that's irrelevant. The mailbox was a huge ordeal for a long time. I have to pay 200 dollars out of my checking account that I don't have whenever the guy finally sets up the mailbox, and the rest of it a few weeks afterwards. I don't have a job. I'm probably not going to be able to pay for it when they need the money.
Not too long ago, a guy backed up into my hood at school. Now my car, a good looking/working car, looks like a teenager got ahold of it. And I never wanted to be that teenager. I wanted to prove to my Dad I could be a good daughter; watch after my sisters, take care of my shit, make good grades. So far, none of that is working out.
So far, not much of anything is working out. Thanks for taking the time to read this. It's pretty long and boring, I'd think.
I feel... exhausted, with having to deal with everyday life. I dread going anywhere, doing anything. And that's bad, because sometimes I give into it and just don't do shit.
I just don't.
The doctor put me on 10mg Celexa to help with anxiety and panic attacks, but I'm not sure if it's working yet. I get headaches, blurred vision, stomach aches, and I've only been on it for 4 days. It's supposed to take 2 weeks to start. And all the while, my thoughts have steered dangerously close to... just things.
I missed five days of school in a row. Eight is the limit, before you don't get the credits they make you slave for. The system at my school is fucked up, seriously. And I'd work with it, if it weren't for how many ridiculous people there are in charge there. They don't listen to what you have to say. Most of the time, they're just downright stupid. All they want is to improve the grade point average of the school to get government money. They couldn't care less if you learn a damn thing.
I have to pass all of my 7 classes, as well as a night class I haven't been going to. Or else I don't graduate. I was a fucking charity case to the people up here, and they're ballsy enough to say I might not be able to graduate.
Which is why I wanted to stay in my hometown. Graduate with the people I grew up with, have the classes I needed/wanted, and all around enjoy the benefits of a good deal. But things went sour. It couldn't work out, for one reason, and for yet another. I still miss it. I still wish I were back there.
Which brings me to the 600 dollars I owe. Yes, after two days of having my license, I ran over someone's stone mailbox. And backed up into a truck a few hours later, but that's irrelevant. The mailbox was a huge ordeal for a long time. I have to pay 200 dollars out of my checking account that I don't have whenever the guy finally sets up the mailbox, and the rest of it a few weeks afterwards. I don't have a job. I'm probably not going to be able to pay for it when they need the money.
Not too long ago, a guy backed up into my hood at school. Now my car, a good looking/working car, looks like a teenager got ahold of it. And I never wanted to be that teenager. I wanted to prove to my Dad I could be a good daughter; watch after my sisters, take care of my shit, make good grades. So far, none of that is working out.
So far, not much of anything is working out. Thanks for taking the time to read this. It's pretty long and boring, I'd think.
