This is hard

V

Veggie

New member
I'm a pretty private person and sharing shit like this is difficult so bare with me.

I'm gonna do my best to explain myself but it's hard to write it and it's hard to put words to this. Basically when I'm alone I usually feel like shit and then when I'm with a friend or something everything is perfect. Then other days I can feel like everything is fine and then the next the world is a totally fucked up place. Some days I feel like the right thing to do is one thing and then the next day my mind will be completely changed. It's like a fucking roller coaster sometimes. Some days I dont feel a single emotion and then the next day I can feel everything.

I hate all the classes I've taken in college. I seriously feel like I'm wasting my time here. I honestly have been thinking about joining the military. But some days I feel like that is the right move and then other days I feel like college is the right thing.

I really wanted to tell someone this but it's really hard for me to trust people. Anonymity helps, I guess.
 
Life is a roller-coaster of many things. Emotions, indecision, what clothes to wear, the meaning of life, white or wheat bread for a tuna ... err, do you get my point?

We all have or will have some problems in our lives that cause us to second guess our decisions, decide to change them or stick with them only for them to fail. Life is some times a cruel experiment that can teach us a lot of valuable lessons.

As for these feelings or non-feelings you have... I'm sure that most of us feel more alive at certain times and feel like we are just muddling along some days in a hum-drum world.

It sounds normal to me. However, if you are having extreme thoughts or feelings toward self or others, then that's not exactly normal.

It just sounds like you are a worrier and a very analytically cautious person.
 
You sound bi-polar. Talk to a shrink, if you can afford it. I wouldn't suggest taking Abilify to treat it, though ... the warnings at the end of the commercials mention the word "death" like 5 or 6 times.

The military may not be such a bad idea for you. LOTS and LOTS of uneven motherfuckers in that corporation. Plus they do most of the thinking for you.
 
What you're describing sounds normal to me. You sound like you're very hard on yourself. But I'm in no position to talk since I don't know you. Just keep an eye open for the warning signs of ongoing depression. Feeling hopeless for extended periods of time is a dangerous place to be. You may need to talk to a therapist and to get a better view of whats going on. They can better asses you than a bunch of strangers on the internet.
 
What?? Psh... yeah right... strangers on the internet are the best people to talk to about any personal problem. We give the best advice, and we always take everything very seriously.
 
Hopeful one day, hopeless the next. Extreme highs and lows. Sounds rather manic to me. I'm no doctor, but isn't that what bipolar disorder is? Severe moods swings and what not?
 
Sounds like you're not being true to yourself. Pain is as much a part of life as being happy is. One you embrace your pain and understand it you can begin to be happy. There will be good days and bad days in life you just gotta go with the flow sometimes and others you gotta stand up and change a situation. Things that you dont like... get rid of them, things you do like do what it takes to keep them. You are the most active participant in your life... so start acting like it. Life doesnt happen to you... you happen to life.
 
Everything that is underlined in your post is something that I'm sure everyone has felt at one point or another, or something similar. I know I have.v You are overly analytical of yourself and your situation, and I'm going to tell you what worked for me. It may not work for you - but if you're tired of feeling this rollercoaster of emotions, then it wouldn't hurt to give it a shot, right?

The thing with the friends - I'm guessing you would say that you are a people person. I wouldn't necessarily say that makes you have a clingy nature, or that you were even held too much as Centered said, but you feel more at home around people than you do alone. When I'm alone, I tend to cut myself off from people and want to be alone, I become very hermit-ish. But when I'm around people that I care about, or even able to use my people skills on a job, I feel alive. It's pretty odd to explain really. The human psyche works in strange ways.

As far as the world goes, and your views on it - we live in a pretty fucked up place, granted, but you have to learn to accept it as it is, and make it what you want to be. This is the part where you can analyze this aspect: Find what it is that makes you feel like everything is okay when it comes to viewing the world and your life. The next part that's underlined, about the right thing to do, is pretty much normal for anyone. I'm still indecisive about what exactly I'm wanting to go into when it comes to my studies or anything else. I've constantly asked myself what exactly it is that I want to do, and oftentimes when I think that I find what it is that I want to do, something else pops up and I wonder if that's the option that I can take instead.

Regarding your emotions, it doesn't sound as if your bi-polar, but some of your symptoms correlate more with Dysthymia. Not saying that is what's wrong with you by any means, just giving you a former psychology student's input.

And, you aren't wasting your time, as much as it may seem like you're doing so. It turns out that no matter what decisions you make, and whether you change them or not, it's all an experience in life - so time is not wasted when you're finding out what it is exactly that makes you yourself, and finding that perfect fit for you in your studies. It takes some people longer sometimes, so no worries.

A lot of the things you've mentioned, I know for a fact that I've felt. I just learned to let things go and follow the flow of life. The decisions I make will lead me somewhere, even if it takes me a bit to get that destination.

That's just my two cents. Take it however you want.
 
It's not really about being indecisive. It's about having full emotions from one extreme to the other. irritability, extreme anger, depression and hopelessness, aggression, to elated, happy, uninhibited, careless, anxious, sleeplessness, manic. You can't stop thinking. These extremes can last days, weeks, months, hours, minutes. Bipolar was originally just describing the extreme where the manic part and the deep depression parts would happen within minutes or hours or days. Manic-depression used to just describe more long term changes, but now it's just bipolar-mania. Still, he sounds indecisive and not bipolar

Magic 1, you do sound like you don't know where you are headed. Try some meditation techniques to clear your mind like deep breathing exercises (slow breaths in through the nose and slowly out the mouth breathing into your belly and not your chest). Stuff like that or go jogging and listen to your favorite calming music to zone out and focus on where your heart tells you to go. It does not sound like college is doing it for you, but military is not your only other option. Maybe you just need a year off. Find a mindless job to keep you busy while you figure out what it is you want. Maybe work for a charity or help save animals in the Gulf...something you can feel proud of to help you feel accomplishment. Feeling accomplished is a great motivator! Maybe you can find a trade school instead where you can actually see the goal you are trying to reach and you may feel more motivated to work for it. You may want the military, but without a clear mind to make a decision with, that's not something you can just change your mind easily on. It's best to go to the military if that's really what you want. Don't do it cause you are tired of college.

I hope you find what you want to do. But don't make rash decisions, just thinking about what you enjoy doing and see if there is something you can do to use your talents or your interests. Then if you need to take classes, you will feel better about the whole thing.
 
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