This is a poem I'm gonna read at my best friends funeral, please let me now if

B

Ben Robertson

New member
it is good and how to improve? TO JAMAAL

Yo, this poem goes out to me mate Jamaal
He was a wicked mate of mine,
he drove a taxi and was a Muslim too, he only ate food that was halal
with a preferance for kebab.

He wasn't a terrorist, he gave plenty to charity
ten percent of all his earnings went to the homeless charity

But tragically it was he died,
he was run over by a four wheel drive
at quarter past nine
on a sunday twenty fifth of april and i curse at god, oh why?

Ge was only twenty five
he was a wicked fellow that Jamaal
may he rest in peace in heaven with Jesus and Allah
 
Great poem! It is very poignant; however, in the third stanza--first line--your flow is abrupt. Remove the words "it was" to induce a lucid flow in the first sentence. Overall, nice sentiments and may your friend rest in peace with Yahweh.
 
Well...
Here's some advice. He was your best friend right? Don't just tell everyone he was your friend and he died and how it happened. Everyone else going before you will do a good job of that. Think about how you feel. Sad? Angry? Concentrate on those feelings and just write what you feel. If it comes from the heart, everyone will know.

And i'm sorry to hear about your friend. Hope everything gets better for you.
 
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