these people who answer every question with " you should of discussed this...

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Theresa

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...before marriage"! ? I mean gees, grow up! People change. I know there are things I said I would never ever do that mom did and low and behold I have done them! We are humans.....we change, we evolve, we live and learn. Im not the same person my hubby married 20 years ago! Gees, I have not see a form listing everything you are to discuss before you get married!!! How on earth can you remember to discuss it all before you get married!!! lol Come one, sometimes you are going to disagree. It doesnt mean you screwed up or you married the wrong person. It doesnt mean you forgot to discuss it before you married him/her. It means you gotta work it out now! So how do YOU argue/disagree with your spouse? how do you resolve the disagreements?
 
what the is there a question in there somewhere?

um, people agree and disagree you are two different people. i don't want someone who agrees with everything i have to say sometimes a balance is good
 
If you do not want people to answer honestly, then why ask a question? Should we all agree with you? It sounds like you refuse to take responsibility for your choices. You chose not to discuss something before marriage. Now you are reaping the effects. Take responsibility.
 
the people who say "you should have discussed this before marriage" are referring to problems that could have been avoided if the questioner had been paying attention to everything they were supposed to before they married.

such as:
your partner is an alcoholic, drug addict or gambler before you marry and now you're complaining about it.

you knew going into the marriage that you wanted children but your spouse did not (or vice vesra)

your partner is a habitual cheat but you marry them anyway and then whine about how they are unfaithful to you

you marry someone with children from another relationship and then complain about the kids and how your spouse does or doesn't discipline them.

and on and on.

yes people change. and if you thought you didn't want children when you married but you changed your mind and your spouse hasn't.

or you were a party animal and doing drugs or whatever and you clean up your act and your spouse doesn't

or your spouse becomes depressed and takes up drugs or alcohol

or whatever...then your decision making process becomes different and in some respects more difficult.

The best you can do is post your question with the pertinent details and make it clear that the issue is a new problem NOT an ongoing one.
 
I agree to some extent. I think that people in marriages that are working for them like to think it is all their own doing. I have some family members who've tried to inflict that p.o.v. on me. I avoid them and just send Christmas cards and pictures of their nephew they have the loss of not knowing.

But there's another p.o.v. that many here over-look, in my opinion. Answers are not just for the askers. There are people who come here and read q & a and don't do anything else. There are also people who can benefit from the answers like that because they're not yet married and they're looking... It is good advice to KNOW the person you marry.

I married an alcoholic. I knew he was an alcoholic, but I knew he would never cheat on me and at that time in my life, that was the most important thing. What I learned is that there are different ways of cheating.
 
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