There's no crying in POETRY! (comment/critique)?

C

Cilla

New member
It's a certain hell
to know ...
ignorance blissfully swept away
the fallen leaves
fallen grace
and the fallen.
Never once did I cry
to anyone or on anyone.
Not one tear dropped
on a shoulder -
and still my cheeks remain dry
as I know
the words - as only I can translate
mean more than the actions.
You are absolutely right Iano. What the hell was I thinking?
 
I think that people who express themselves well with the written word often find it an easier form of expression. And I think that in strong emotional situations - love, a death, a birth - make them seem introverted and perhaps even a bit cold. But people who write poetry are usually riding a roller coaster of emotions inside and feel those emotions even deeper than others. You referred to not crying - your poetry does your crying for you.
 
I think that people who express themselves well with the written word often find it an easier form of expression. And I think that in strong emotional situations - love, a death, a birth - make them seem introverted and perhaps even a bit cold. But people who write poetry are usually riding a roller coaster of emotions inside and feel those emotions even deeper than others. You referred to not crying - your poetry does your crying for you.
 
This is really good. Part of me wants to start a new stanza with line 7. Also, on line 13, I would replace "as" with "that"; so it would read: "the words - that only I can translate".
 
it'd be a nice beginning of a good poem, so u gotta extend it for some more lines, maybe double the lines, it'd be great then, so work on it, wish u good luck :)
 
So ... uh ... you're sure your words do it justice?

"the words - as only I can translate" ... at least you're honest.
 
can you critique my poem for an english assignment? I don't really write a lot of poetry ,nor am i good at it. So if anyone wants to critique it, please, dont hesitate.
 
Oh i forgot that only in translation can meaning be lost- so i refused to seek any self-association in this on second reading and i liked it because it was something i did not comprehend as much as just feel and experience
 
I rather like this. The abolition of ignorance would almost depopulate the earth from the associated pain.
Knowledge CAN be hell and to absorb its fallout thus requires tremendous will, even courage. These crystalline words are all there is. Sweet.
I feel your pain- excellent release mechanism. Feel better now?
Very nice, I think.
 
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