The waiting game called life.

U

USMC Dad

New member
Man, lately I've been feeling like shit. I feel like all I'm doing is waiting. I don't even know what for. There's really nothing to do to pass the time... I mean, this weekend I did NOTHING. Nothing notable AT ALL. Just sat here and rotted, waiting for something...

School : I wait for teachers to teach me some lame shit that I'll never use, then do some work related to it, which after I just wait for more work

At home : I wait for people. I wait for employers to phone me about resumes (which doesn't happen very often...), and I wait for people to ask me to do something... Or I wait for "friends" and other people to ask me to do something, or wait for a certain time to do soemthing with someone, only to be let down by them saying, "oh fuck, i forgot all about you man. Sorry it won't happen again"... Time and time again...

Other times : I just wait.

On WTF : I wait for people to post new shit

All of this waiting, you say I must be thinking about SOMETHING. Half the time my mind is just dead. Thinking of random shit, or suicide. I've had some pretty serious suicide thoughts this past week or month or so... I mean, I'd never cut myself, hang myself etc, but I've never thought of what I'd do if I had the chance to end it with a gun ... I've never even touched a gun before... I mean, its quick and I wouldn't have to deal with all of this fucking waiting... But then I kick in and think that I don't want to die etc. but still - when I'm caught off-guard thats what I think about... Then again, if I had the choice, I'd cut my own existence (if there were no reprecussions such as people feeling bad, or the trauma that comes with disappearances etc. ...)

Possibly all of this waiting could be due to the speed of my life. I like things fast. At school, I'm first to my classes. Why? I speedwalk. Most people who I know use computers excessively speedwalk. Mostly AV people, but they walk faster than people usually do. I usually feel like I have very little time left when really I have all the time in the world.

Ehh - I just find everything really boring lately...

And thats pretty much my Life is boring rant.
 
Sounds like your waiting for someone to come along and show you the way. You want someone to point the way and lead you down the path. Problem is noone can do that for you, you gotta get up off you ass and go find out for yourself. There's an old saying: Life's not about the destination it's about the journey. It's about the things you do, the choices you make and the people you interact with along the way. I'm not gonna tell you to "snap out of it" because it's sure as Hell not as easy as just telling yourself "I'm not gonna feel bad anymore". I can tell you that if you make an effort to do something that interests you, you can improve your attitude and disposition. I speak from experience, as I have had some dark thoughts in the past and I wish you the best of luck.
 
Naw, man. I'd never commit suicide, no matter how bad my life seems to be. Theres so much I need to do, and this all is probably just a stage in your life. It'll be over in just a matter of years, and besides think about your family and friends, they will suffer because you decided to put a gun to your head.

My advice:
...what?
 
pick up a book called "The Prophet" by Kahlil Gibran. Taught me a lot, now I enjoy both fast paced and fairly sedate parts of my life. Two of my favorite activities are going to the beach, swimming, playing volleyball, etc, and going to a remote natural place and just sitting and listening (and smoking)
 
it's not the best link, just a publisher.. but thich saved my life, pulled me out of a hole.

siddhartha by hermann hesse is also a calming influence, not really inspirational in the vein of the prophet but a good input in life all the same.
 
READING FTW! The Dune series, Harry Potter, Ender's Game, Foundation, Forgotten Realms, and other good books will help you relax and imagine things. It's fun!
 
You know, I could relate to this. But the thing that I learned from all of my broken bones, don't let anything stop ya. With my broken leg, I was slowed down on my drumming, but that didn't stop me. I still drumed and even released an EP with my band. My point is, find a hobby that you can do when no one else is around. Pick up an instrument, try skateboard or biking. No one can change your life but you. At school, ask for extra work. With your "friends", tell them to come to your house, I mean, with how it seems with you, what you call "friends" are really people who only think of you rarly. Do something wild to get their attention. And have fun. Can't stress that more.
 
kokorami : You got me all wrong... heh... There's no decent musicians around these parts interested in getting a good punk band together... I play bass... My drummer isn't that great, so when I think up of something good on my bass, she can't match it on the drums... Her brother plays drums too, but prefers to play guitar... *shrug* ... I also bike, but as it's nearing winter now, my bike is put away for the winter...

I could do school work... Not really what I want to do at the moment though :)
Umm - as for friends etc. I kind of have an ego and it's actually ME who's turning people down to hang out with me :rolleyes: I made someone pay me 10 bucks to go to the mall with them the other day - heh...

This weekend should be good though... All-nighter at the movies... Probably going to play some DDR too (Free arcade) ... Meet some people I only know online (from my area) etc... It's going to be one helluva night!
 
Boycott:

Stop waiting. If you are waiting, then nothing will ever, and I mean ever, happen for you. Seriously, just stop. Instead of waiting, placing the value of your life on others actions, make you own actions. Write a book, a song, draw a picture, take pictures, make a sculpture, fucking learn origami. But never, ever wait. Waiting is its own little death, it will kill you faster than anything else. Every minute of your life you spend waiting for someone else's bullshit is one more minute you lose because of someone else's bullshit. Keep your minutes. Love them, cherish them, fornicate with them, whatever. But dont let them be someone else's minutes.
 
It sounds to me like a classic case of boredom,just get off your ass(no pun intended) and get a chick/dude it'll give you something to live for everyday,worked for me.
 
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