The Things we Think

L

lil hip hopper : )

New member
simple light burns, I self ignite in the dark.
Amid mindless night, echoing hollow foreign space receptive
Carrying silence I think intangible I distress a moment passing
Cease the struggle, let myself divide uncontrollably
I void a space, the giving stuck to your shoe.
I force out of this painful head, for freedom of those pricking
Alight they wanted self reflection, I give empty space
 
This is super interesting.

although the poem is only 7 lines long i feel like it tells a large story and really say alot in a small amount of space.

the first half you're simply there thoughtless, but the silence is strange, or as you say foreign and it freaks you out for a second.

after this it gets pretty deep, im not quite sure what "the giving stuck to your shoe" means but its interesting because suddently there is an object, the shoe.

im also unsure Who youve gained freedom from: "those pricking" who im guess are the same people who wanted your self reflection.

very good says a lot in a small space.
 
I don't like the first line too much but the line "I void a space, the giving stuck to your shoe." was really cool. From what I can tell this is one of those just write and see what comes out kinda things with no real solid path on where you want to go. It comes of vague and thought provoking without giving too much away, creating a nice image of skeptical dissonance.
 
yessir. The try is a shot in the dark but if I'm to continue it's because there is something formative that I want to describe. I've yet to learn to properly punctuate myself
 
I've re-read this quite a few times, and am beginning to understand the poem. I really like it, the complexity definately suits the length of the poem for me...i don't think i could've read much more lol
 
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