The NEW "every band ever sucks" thread

I'm glad you are able to tell my musical tastes (and my degree of mainstream-dom) from me criticizing a band that was suggested to me by someone else in a thread devoted to criticizing every band no matter what. I'm sure that would be a useful talent if you didn't predict so wrong it's funny.

Bit of a backlog so I'll do two:

Jimmy Eat World has one of the top five worst names ever for a band, edged out by Death Cab for Cutie and a few others. Their music is so bland it hurts; they are proof that rock music is dead, if it ever lived in the first place. I know! Let's start a band whose sole purpose is to get a song or two played on the Clear Channel-owned "alternative" rock station!

and for fbikilledmygoat:

It's almost like beating up a wheelchair-bound 4 year old criticizing Envy... from the off-the-pretentiometer track names ("Chain Wandering Deeply"??? Come on now. I can do that too, look: "Bicycle Drift Senselessly Meaningful") to the ridiculously overlong song lengths to the comically bad vocals, they've covered the bases of shit-ass banddom. Just goes to show, it doesn't matter how skilled you are at your instruments if you hire a singer whose skill is what most would classify as "hollering." That's not to say they're skilled though, unless your definition of skilled is "can write a song with simplistic quiet bits strung together with simplistic loud bits."
Rock songs should never, ever be 13 minutes long. Ever.


OK, anyone up for led zeppelin or the casualties?
 
no i must object, they do not suck fucking balls, they are not perfect, you can find things about them that suck they do not suck fucking balls

lets go , rancid selftitled (both of them) out come the wolves are damn good cd's - life wont wait is a little too reggae - indestructable (the sellout album) is a little softer but has good tracks

rancid is good music unles you have something better
 
I wanna see someone tackle incubus, are you up for it? I don't think I could do it without turning it into a thousand-page life pursuit
 
Atreyu - if there was a special dictionary for this sort of thing, the entry under "absolutely comical bouncing between growling and emo-metal vocals" there would be a picture of them next to it. Does anyone imagine what this would sound like if there wasn't metal-ish guitar and drums in the background? It'd teach me how to laugh anew each day. If "Family Circus" didn't already have that role.

Franz Ferdinand
 
Franz Ferdinand could never write a musically "amazing" album. That said, that does not seem to be their intent, as they've noted on several occations that they are a "singles" band. All style, no substance. However, they do in better than any band in recent memory.

Oh, and family circus isn't funny.

Sublime (seriously, I hate these guys)
 
Fuck it, I'll do it. The problem with Incubus is their actual skill at playing the instruments. It's almost tragic; it WOULD be tragic if they didn't play such shit. I remind you, though, that their singer looks like this:

Priceless. Also, that god damn acoustic version of "Pardon Me" is an insult to the whole of human history (including proto-lifeforms like self-replicating enzymes). And they criminally waste what could be cool if it would stop hanging around alternashits like Incubus: a turntable. Plus I believe one of the white guys had dreadlocks at some point.

time to pull out the big guns...

R.E.M.
 
And you, get the fuck out. The point is to rip on every band in history. Let me tell you about Rancid.

Played themselves off as punks, yet having melody and being able to play their instruments halfway is problem 1. Problem 2 is that they suck at being halfway punks. Problem 3 is "The Transports", that rap-punk hybrid shit.
 
Michael Stipe = big bag of shit with the ability to create a sound with his voice that would have made ghandi go on a murderous rampage.

stone temple pilots
 
They were theives. Practically the P.Diddy of their day. Much of their music was originally obscure blues.



But they still rock.
 
wait was korn the band that had that video about not making music videos that were like all the other ones and tried to be all cool by being rebellious when in fact they were just being douchebags? hmm yeh korn does suck
 
Although I know who she is, the rest of music loving America is going "Who? "

She was in a band with Courtney Love.

Outkast
 
Back
Top