So here it is...
A few months ago I bought a brand spankin' new car. I'm proud n' all see....
. Anyways, skip to two days ago. Saturday afternoon, after visiting a relative's house to grab left-over Thanksgiving tastey treats my mom asks me to drive her to the market. Whatever, fine. Went to the market. My mom goes, "Gawd, I feel miserable." "Did you take something before we left the house?" I asked. "Nope," she answered holding her head. "We'll be home in a jiffy," I assured her. "Oh! I need to go to Walmart, " she suddenly remembers. I told her she can write down what she wanted and I'll get it for her while she chills out in the car but she insisted that she had to find her items herself.
So we're done and are on our way home. She's in the passenger seat naggin', "Why can't you go any faster?" "Geez ma! Do you want me to get into an accident!" I barked, made a face, and turned up the music to tune her naggin' ass out.
OUT OF THE CLEAR FUCKIN' BLUE SKY SHE MAKES LIKE A DEMON POSSESSED AND FUCKING :sickpuke: BARFS ALL OVER MY ALL-LEATHER INTERIOR!!!!! FUCK!!!!!!! :sfrown:
All on the dashboard, all on the radio and CD player, all on clutch, all on the windshield, on the steering wheel, on the floor, on my big mac & fries, ON ME DAMMIT!!!!! WTF??!!!!!!!! Not to mention on the cieling, on the visor, on my glove compartment. And it came up in girgling waves of nausea - more like a friggin' tsunami! It gushed like a volcano and splattered like a fountain everywhere. Grabbing every napkin I had in the car, she tried to cover her mouth but with ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY NO SUCESS, she hurled more on herself. And her only reply was, "I'm sorry." "Yeah, how 'bout that," I said through my teeth.
THE FUCK?! SORRY???!!!! BITCH, YOU FUCKIN' YACKED IN MY NEW CAR!!! I SMELL LIKE A FUCKIN' NUCLEAR HAZARDOUS CHEMICAL WASTE FACTORY(with a dash of befowled eggs, curdled milk, and a pinch of stomach acid joy juice for that hint of "ooo la la" WHAT THA FUCK!). Now, I tried several times, even in busy traffic, to pull the car over or stop cuz she was puking up left-overs. But she kept insisting on getting back home. Excuse me, but the hell with traffic....I figure the smart thing would be to stop, throw up the hazard lights, and let her chuck it up outside in the bushes. BUT NOOOooooOOOoooooo!!! :motz:
Now, because it's my mom I had to curtail my blazing anger and disgust cuz, to her, if I express such a reaction it would be seen as disrespect and we'd be arguing all through the week. A headache I don't need. Then she says I have no sympathy for a sick person. The heck?! I had to clean all that shit up. She goes, "I'll be there to help you in a minute." I say nothing and in a flash I changed my clothes, got a bigass bucket of water with a scrub brush, a bunch of rags, Pine-Sol and Oxy-clean spray and quickly cleaned it up.
I tucked her in to bed, got her some medicine, gave her some Ginger Ale, turned on some jazz and told her to rest. I have no sympathy? Bullshit. Thanks to her I get nightmares of her hurling up dinner to biblical proportions. Now I feel on edge Every time she asks me to drive her somewhere. Sheesh. The things you do for your parents.
Not to toot my own horn but honestly folks, she should be thanking me.
A few months ago I bought a brand spankin' new car. I'm proud n' all see....

So we're done and are on our way home. She's in the passenger seat naggin', "Why can't you go any faster?" "Geez ma! Do you want me to get into an accident!" I barked, made a face, and turned up the music to tune her naggin' ass out.
OUT OF THE CLEAR FUCKIN' BLUE SKY SHE MAKES LIKE A DEMON POSSESSED AND FUCKING :sickpuke: BARFS ALL OVER MY ALL-LEATHER INTERIOR!!!!! FUCK!!!!!!! :sfrown:
All on the dashboard, all on the radio and CD player, all on clutch, all on the windshield, on the steering wheel, on the floor, on my big mac & fries, ON ME DAMMIT!!!!! WTF??!!!!!!!! Not to mention on the cieling, on the visor, on my glove compartment. And it came up in girgling waves of nausea - more like a friggin' tsunami! It gushed like a volcano and splattered like a fountain everywhere. Grabbing every napkin I had in the car, she tried to cover her mouth but with ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY NO SUCESS, she hurled more on herself. And her only reply was, "I'm sorry." "Yeah, how 'bout that," I said through my teeth.
THE FUCK?! SORRY???!!!! BITCH, YOU FUCKIN' YACKED IN MY NEW CAR!!! I SMELL LIKE A FUCKIN' NUCLEAR HAZARDOUS CHEMICAL WASTE FACTORY(with a dash of befowled eggs, curdled milk, and a pinch of stomach acid joy juice for that hint of "ooo la la" WHAT THA FUCK!). Now, I tried several times, even in busy traffic, to pull the car over or stop cuz she was puking up left-overs. But she kept insisting on getting back home. Excuse me, but the hell with traffic....I figure the smart thing would be to stop, throw up the hazard lights, and let her chuck it up outside in the bushes. BUT NOOOooooOOOoooooo!!! :motz:
Now, because it's my mom I had to curtail my blazing anger and disgust cuz, to her, if I express such a reaction it would be seen as disrespect and we'd be arguing all through the week. A headache I don't need. Then she says I have no sympathy for a sick person. The heck?! I had to clean all that shit up. She goes, "I'll be there to help you in a minute." I say nothing and in a flash I changed my clothes, got a bigass bucket of water with a scrub brush, a bunch of rags, Pine-Sol and Oxy-clean spray and quickly cleaned it up.
I tucked her in to bed, got her some medicine, gave her some Ginger Ale, turned on some jazz and told her to rest. I have no sympathy? Bullshit. Thanks to her I get nightmares of her hurling up dinner to biblical proportions. Now I feel on edge Every time she asks me to drive her somewhere. Sheesh. The things you do for your parents.
Not to toot my own horn but honestly folks, she should be thanking me.