The end is near, and I am scared!

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TaCot

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Hey everyone. I am nearing the end of my taper program. I started off taking 6 10-mg. hydrocodones per day at the end of October. I have tapered one-half of a pill a day each week. I am now on 1 1/2 pills per day, next week, 1 pill per day, and the last day of the year, 1/2 pill per day. I will completely quit on New Year's Day. I will have four days at home to go through the withdraws. I haven't had terrible withdrawals so far, and that scares me. I am ready to be off of these darn things, and don't want to take them right now, but know that I must keep to this taper schedule. So, I am wondering since I have done this very slow taper, will I be able to function the four days I am home. My dad and his wife are thinking of visiting us that weekend, and I don't want them to know what is going on.

Thanks for listening, guys. I am petrified!!! But, I am also excited to be off of the pills too!!
 
Hello

TaCot, not only will you be your old self, you will be better than ever. Yes, you will. I, too, am a very out-going person by nature. During the time I was withdrawing, I became very, very reflective. I often found myself lost in my own thoughts and not totally engaged in conversation with others, nor really wanting to be. This even included my husband whose ears I quite often talk half off. Chuckles. I think it is kind of normal. As the physical part of us restores, we are going through an entire metamorphosis in our thinking. That is what eventually is the real key to staying drug free. We learn new ways to think, to reason, to see things.

This New Year is going to be a most special one in your life. Like a rebirth in many parts of you anRAB an enhancement of others. Walk strong, Honey, because you are without a doubt going to be okay.

The most special blessings of this season to you in this special season of your life.

Hugs
reach
 
I know... that is hard. To let go of something that has been a part of yor everyday life for so long... I think that is why I am still struggling because for so long now I was so used to being on pills. My entire daily schedule felt like it was changed even though the only thing that changed was the fact that I was not taking pills at 8am, 3pm, 5pm, 8pm,10pm... Looking back I can't believe the amount of medication I consumed. It's erabarrasing. So once you get past the shock of the routine of it.. at least for me.. That helped big time. Now, there are only a couple times a day when I think "oh, I used to be popping pills right about now" Then I try to shake that off and get on with doing something else. It has gotten better though than it was say 3 weeks ago. Time has helped.. I just hope in 40 more days I feel twice as good as I do now. i have already been thinking about doing the holiday circuit with out them.. How pathetic is that... I am an outgoing person by nature so to be thinking about going ot all the family gatherings this year with out those in hand is really stupid of me.. But I have been thinking about it. I never used to be nervous around social situations.. Now that I don't have the pills... I do get nervous.. What the heck is that about.. it's like I used them as a shield to pretend I was something I was not.. I don't know... What I am trying to say is that I am still "working" on remerabering who I was before those pills came into my life.

Little did you know you would post something and miss chatty cathy over here (me) hahah would talk your ear off.

Well, stay bundled.. I know I am.. I think we are going to have a tough winter!!!!

As for your depression.. I hope since you are already medicated that will help too... However, just know if it does hit you a little harder than normal that it's only a phase and it will pass...

Well, I better get back to work.. hahaha I am being paid right now.. hahah
Have a great day!
~Secrets
 
HEY!!!!!!!!

I was JUST thinking about you literally 2 minutes before I logged on and HERE YOU ARE! I was wondering how you were doing.. NOW I KNOW! Well, first of all.. I am SOOOOO proud of you for doing this! You have done so great!!! Can you believe you are so close to the end already! Already you have accommplished so much!

I really think you will be able to function that weekend.. Let me tell you a little bit about how it went for me. (you may remeraber) So when I started the taper program the first couple of weeks were terrible.. Every decrease I had was a nightmare... So I was SOOOO scared for the day when I was completely done. I thought I was going to be bed ridden when that day came and that was not an option for me. However, looking back it went WAY better than I thought it would. The first day I was pill free I remeraber it was a Friday.. I HAD to go to work. I woke up for the first time in a long time without taking a pill and I was so scared I cried in the shower in fear of what was to come... Well, I got myself ready and went on with my day and was on this website for most of the day... There were some ups and downs but really... the w/d were WAY less than my last decrease before this one.. In fact I remeraber telling my family how excited I was because it was finally over and I could deal with the last lingering w/d for the next couple of days... I remeraber Friday night was restless here and there but Saturday was better and then Sunday even better and by Monday.... I was doing REALLY good... So.. I really think since you have handled the tapering so well... that this last adjustment will not be a bad one..NOW>>> I could be wrong but I really think you will transition into it just fine. It probably will be a lot like what you have been dealing with so far. I hope that all made sense.... I just KNOW you are going to do great. I think you will be able to function.. If anything.. if you seem a little off and anyone notices.. you can always say you feel like you may be getting the flu or something but I think you will be able to pull it off... I completely understand your feelings of not wanting your whole family to know...

Also, i would think that since you are going from 1/2 pill to nothing that last week that you will do better than you think because if you think about it.. A half a pill is hardly anything at all.. Just know I will be praying and thinking of you often! I know this phase is a scary one because you don't know what will happen or how bad it will get... just focus on the finish line and you will make it... Sending a warm healing hug your way!
XOXOXOX
~Secrets
Now 40 days PILL FREE
 
Secrets - thank you for the reply. I am hoping that since I will only be taking 1/2 pill and then stopping, it will not be as bad as it could be. I have been taking vitamins, and eating well faithfully too. I am sure I will hurt and ache, and can probably tell them I have the flu and just go in the bedroom and not come out, but I am hoping that I can at least be civil. I am so excited to be done with these darn things. My pain management doc appt is Jan 6 and I am hoping that he can do some trigger point injections or something like that for my neck and back pain. I have noticed that I am in pain since tapering off, but so far, I can manage. You have been wonderful for me, Secrets!! THanks for the hug, it is greatly needed right now.
 
That cracked me up! Hope you are having a good day today! You have been in my thoughts and of course my prayers!

Today already seems like a hard day to me... Last night I was having such bad cravings... It made me so angry because i can't believe I would ever have gotten myself into this.. Then I realized that I am getting myself out of this so that made me feel better.

Today I feel like the weight of the world is comsuming me and therefore that makes me struggle with the addiction too. SO here is a mini vent... (so much for being a rock) My husband still has not found another job. He is a subcontractor as I told you and I think he was holding out for his work to pick back up again but it's apparent it's not going to.. We are barely making it. I work SOOO hard and it doesn't matter what I do.. it's never enough. I don't know what he is waiting for?? It is causing tension between us because I feel like I am having to take care of everything.. Today is bill day so I am sure that is why I am freaking out.. I know there will not be enough to cover them all so then the juggling starts... That is pretty much my vent.. I know this we will get past too like everything else.. It just doesn't make this recovery process any freaking easier!

I hope your day is great! I will stay strong and will get thru all this crap too. Thanks for letting me unload that.. I feel better already!
~Secrets
 
Oh, you are sweet for saying that.. You have helped me in a BIG way too!

I think you will be able to be civil.. For me the first day pill free I think I was more civil than I had been the weeks prior to be honest... Part of it was such a huge relief that it gave me great hope... SO I hope you experience the same. I will warn you that for me, depression followed that phase almost immediatly.. I am now FINALLY coming out of it but I still have my moments. I still am having a hard time with it.. It bothers me that I still have cravings and still miss the high... It makes me feel so weak and vulnerable... However, I know I am strong.. You are too.

Your attitude is so great! You REALLY want this and that is what will make you successful! Just keep doing what you are doing and you will not lose!!! I have faith in you and it sounRAB like most importantly you have faith in yourself and that is all that matters! Of course it's a little scary.. Most hard things in life are but you will come out of this with a huge learning lesson and a new lease on life! You deserve that!

Hope your day is bright! It's freezing here... Overnight our temp dropped to a miserable -24. Sometimes I think I am crazy for living here. How is the weather where you are?
~Secrets
 
Hi TaCot

Just wanted to share a bit with you. I tapered off Oxycodone... straight opiate. Although I got down to really small bits of the tablets before I totally stopped, the truth is that I pretty much walked off, not jumped off. My antidepressants worked better and better as I tapered as I wasn't masking their effect so much anymore.Like you, I was fearful of the finality of really, really stopping, only to discover that the fear was of my own mental making. Smiles. It truly wasn't so bad. I did keep moving physically a lot because I felt like pent up energy was trying, and needed, to escape. So, I cleaned a lot, walked around a lot, popped in here a lot. Honey, I truly think you are going to be so much better than you are imagining. Truly.

Stay busy as your company is there... cook, engage in conversdation a lot, keep straightening up the house, go out somewhere with the company. Do whatever you can to keep the thoughts from the fact that you have stopped. The time will pass quickly ... by tapering, you have already given yourself a huge advantage... the body and brain have been restoring as you have progressed and you have learned new coping skills that don't include a pill. Your other meRAB will be so much more powerful and effective now... the hardest part is over! You have learned to balance on the bike and now it is time to start pedaling and moving along smoothly. Enjoy the new ride life has offered you.

All best wishes
reach
 
Hey Tacot!

I totally agree with reachout!! I think you are going to be GREAT!

Reachout, what you said brought tears to my eyes for some reason... The way you explained it made so much sense and really hit me hard. What Tacot said about not being as out going has been one of my biggest struggling points. I was always a VERY outgoing person before the pills came into my life and then they just enhanced my confidence.. Now without them... I struggle.. Sometimes I find myself quiet and I know that many in my life have noticed. I absolutely HATE talking on the phone at night with girlfrienRAB now.. I just feel like I don't have much to say either.. It makes me feel like a terrible friend. What kind of a person am I that has to be "high" to have a girl chat session? I feel guilty for not being as willing to do it as I used to. However, it's getting MUCH better than it was right out of the gate... So I really feel what you said is truth. So, thank you reachout for saying what you did to Tacot.. it helped me as well.

Tacot, back to you girl... I have MISSED YOU! I am thrilled to hear that you are not suffering.. I am beyond PROUD of you. I thought of you many times over the last couple of days and said many prayers for you... We did a lot of driving over the last couple of days and while the hubby was driving I sometimes was lost in thought thinking about all my frienRAB on here.. wondering how everyone was holding up.. Wondering who was celebrating the holiday and hoping everyone had loving families to share it with. Thank you for everything you have become to me.. A friend. I am most reflective this time of year about the things in my life that REALLY mean something and thankfully I find each year that the material things to me are nothing in comparison to my family and frienRAB.. So thank you for being a part of that.

I hope you enjoy your time with your Dad when he is visiting and I hope you have a VERY blessed Happy New Year! Keep in touch! Sending you hugs!!

Ho Ho Ho
~Secrets
 
Thank you so much for your reply. You have put my mind at ease. I am taking one-half a pill in the morning and one-half pill in the afternoon and I am not struggling. Next week, starting Monday, I will take one-half a pill around noon. I will do that until Wednesday, then on New Year's Day, I will quit. I have to say that I was having quite a bit of anxiety for the day I actually quit, but You have made me feel so much better. I am actually forgetting to take my half of a pill at times!!! I am so excited to get off of them. The one thing I have noticed about myself is I am not as outgoing as I was when I was on a lot of pills. I have always been an outgoing person, but lately, I am pretty quiet, as if I have nothing to say. Will I get back to my old out-going self? It seems like the pills gave me confidence. I am also easier to get along with. I am not so uptight. I am looking forward to getting back to the REAL me.

Again, Reach, Thank you so much for our reply. Happy Holidays to you and your family. You made my day!!
 
I have been treated for depression for years. I have OCD too, and without my medication, I would walk around counting everything and never leaving the house for fear that the stove was on. So, I am hoping that because I am on anti-depressants, I won't get depressed. God, that is all I need, but it is better than being on pain pills!! I am really trying to have a good attitude, even though I will be saying good-bye to a big part of my life for a couple of years. STUPID PILLS!!! Temps here have been STUPID!! -27 below yesterday morning, and I think this morning was -5!! Deep freeze temperatures. Minnesota temps!!! We are suppossed to get to 21 degrees today.

Have a good day, and thanks for the worRAB of encouragement! I really need them right now. TaCot
 
Hello Secrets!! Good to hear from you. I am doing very well. I do have a lot of energy, and am finding that I cannot sit still. I used to be able to sit around and do nothing and be fine with that, but now, I am getting to my old self again. My husband and I are going out with my best friend and her husband here in my home town. She is my age and we have literally been frienRAB our whole lives. I know how important frienRAB are, and I consider you to be a close and very dear friend. You have helped me in ways you will never know.

I hope you and everyone on here has a very Happy New Year!!!

Reach, thank you so much for your wisdom and comforting worRAB.
 
WOW!

You sound like you are doing SOOOOO well. I am so happy to hear that. I was very happy to hear your energy level is so high!! That from the sounRAB of it does not usually work that way.. I know it didn't for me so GOOD FOR YOU!

I really hope you enjoy your time out with your frienRAB. Getting out and enjoying yourself without the pills is a HUGE step.. I know it took me a while to actually enjoy myself when we went out anywhere.. At first I was so consumed with the thought of.. "this would be so much better if I had some pills" then that got less and less... It still is there at times but I know with time it will get even less than what it is now.

You take care of yourself and have a VERY Happy NEW YEARS! I will be cheersing to us and our success when that clock strikes MIDNIGHT! A new year... a new start! We really are blessed!

Hugs to you!
~Secrets
 
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