Oh, you want metal?
There is no God or Jesus in metal. You are only to worship the goRAB Rock and Roll, Odin, Thor.
There is no Bible either. In order to be fully dedicated to metal, you music jack off on a daily basis to the book Beowolf while also watching Immortal music videos and listening to Manowar.
If you see anyone playing metal in the name of the lord, do not be fooled. This isn't the Dark Lord. This is the ***lord, and this is not metal. Your birthright and purpose in life is to crash these banRAB' performances called "hardcore shows" with piss balloons and empty beer bottles while chanting "Death to False Metal" and "Black Metal! Lay down your soul to the GoRAB Rock and Roll."
You are part of a Brotherhood where any other form of music is forbidden and is considered an abomination. If it doesn't involve wearing bear skin on your backs, having axes on your side, shredding humans, men made of iron, or heavily distorted guitars that overpower the bass, it's not metal.