Denon, I admire your bravery!!!! I know what it feels like!!!! When I decided to go into the "in patient" clinic at the hospital the family doctor who took over my case after my doctor was in a car accident and died, changed my break through meRAB to eight hour tylenol in the place of vicoden , that put me into the withdrawls and I hit rock bottom (another story)
She was the one that had to get me put into the hospital and she wouldn't answer my calls and I left 3 messages with the girls at the front desk and she completely ignored me.
She knew what she had done to me and was completely ignoring me while I called and called and cried and was so upset. I spent the long Labour day weekend in the worst withdrawls, in the fetal position, shaking uncontrollably, pacing back and forth and looking at my husband saying "I can't do this, I can't do this"!!! He didn't know what to do and either did I. I managed somehow to get through the "long weekend" by taking some vicoden or oxycodone that I had still and didn't want to take it but I had to because my system was a mess and first thing Tuesday morning (this is when I stopped taking my pills that morning, to me that was it!!!!! I asked my husband to take me right into the Emergency Room of the hospital and they checked me out, my blood pressure was sky high and my heart rate was elevated so bad. They did some tests and said that they couldn't find anything wrong with me!!!!! I had kept all of the nasty pills that the doctors had put me on (for years) and lots I didn't take but I had bottles of pills in a big bag. I grabbed the doctor by the sleeve and pulled him over to me nicely and begged and begged him to put me in and told him point blank (and I wasn't serious but desperate). Look at all of these pills and I dumped them on the bed I was laying on and I said "if you don't put me into the clinic, I am going to take the whole bag of these"!!!! (As I said, I wasn't serious just desperate to be heard)!!!!! They talked about it and said the only way to get me in there was to see an "addictionologist" that was affiliated with the hospital which to me was bull but I had to conform to their rules. My husband took me over there and I waited and waited and by the time he came in to see me I was in complete and full withdrawl because I hadn't taken any of my pain killers that day. He had no choice and so the story goes!!!!
I still had lots of pills but I had decided to stop them on the weekend when I went into withdrawl and my mind was made up.
I was in there from Sept. 3 to Sept. 9 and had 1 visit with my husband and son and oh yes a meeting the day after I was in there and that was it so I understand how you feel about being away from your family. I was the only one in the whole ward which was in a major construction zone. They were doing the whole ward over again. Early in the morning they were hammering and sawing and putting in a new kitchen, new shower and the main room that we all sat in was also in construction. It was a nightmare until people started coming and I by the time I left the ward was full. They keep you soooo busy with meetings and homework and games and meals that the time went by fast but I couldn't wait to go home. By talking to everyone else and hearing their situations, you don't feel so alone and I made some very good frienRAB.
Sorry I am rarabling. If you have any other questions Denon just post to me.
Take care of yourself and good luck to you. I feel so bad for the way you feel right now. Hot baths and heating paRAB on my neck helped a bit and I tried to keep my mind busy by watching TV and trying to sleep. I know, it doesn't work, you are correct, your whole life and mind is consumed by it and I think that all of us are very strong people and it is all of a sudden very difficult to try and train your brain to not think about it. Believe me, this will pass and you will start to feel better and you will see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am through my withdrawl, I just now have to find a way to get rid of my pain.
Bye again Lyn