TANKA POEM HELP! LAST LINE! TEN POINTS?

D

Deuteronica

New member
You may want to count the number of syllables in each line, unless my source of the syllable pattern is wrong and your poem somehow does have a syllable pattern.
Each stanza should be 5/7/5/7/7?
"with our million pound back packs" has eight syllables.
 
You may want to count the number of syllables in each line, unless my source of the syllable pattern is wrong and your poem somehow does have a syllable pattern.
Each stanza should be 5/7/5/7/7?
"with our million pound back packs" has eight syllables.
 
You may want to count the number of syllables in each line, unless my source of the syllable pattern is wrong and your poem somehow does have a syllable pattern.
Each stanza should be 5/7/5/7/7?
"with our million pound back packs" has eight syllables.
 
You may want to count the number of syllables in each line, unless my source of the syllable pattern is wrong and your poem somehow does have a syllable pattern.
Each stanza should be 5/7/5/7/7?
"with our million pound back packs" has eight syllables.
 
You may want to count the number of syllables in each line, unless my source of the syllable pattern is wrong and your poem somehow does have a syllable pattern.
Each stanza should be 5/7/5/7/7?
"with our million pound back packs" has eight syllables.
 
You may want to count the number of syllables in each line, unless my source of the syllable pattern is wrong and your poem somehow does have a syllable pattern.
Each stanza should be 5/7/5/7/7?
"with our million pound back packs" has eight syllables.
 
IM AN 11TH GRADER, IN CREATIVE WRITING, I HAD TO DO A TANKA .. I CANT THINK OF ANYTHING FOR THE LAST LINE TO END IT, HELP?

The lake
as we take the hill
with our million pound back packs
climbing and striving
we stumble towards a lake
a beautiful blue clear lake

my shoes fill with hope
as we joyfully gallop
towards the wordless waterfall
surrounded by mossy green rocks
we climb to top and dive

as i land safely
my body sighs in relief
the water feels so clean
as all my sweat and pain leave
 
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