SuperGuy's Rant - Pt.4

H

half blood princess

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I know the first part didn't do so well, but I'm givin' it another shot. What do I have to lose?

CARS:
Cars are the best thing that ever happened to our world's transportaion system. AND they are the worst thing that ever happened to our world's eco-system, roads, other-modes-of-transportaion, and my FREAKING SHINS!

I swear those old car-doors suck SO BAD. My car has two modes with it's door. Open or closed. And that damn thing opens AALLLL the way out. I recently got new doors, but here's a fun story:

I was getting in my car (with my family working on our new garage behind me)and looking for the mail which had fallen through the seat. My old doors shut by themselves because the hinges suck. So, I'm rooting through the seats...my leg loses it's grip on the door. My leg goes on the ground. No problem here. Three seconds later...THAT SON OF A BITCH CLAMPS DOWN ON MY GODDAMN SHINS!!! So, I'm a 17 year old car owner, who has fallen on the ground...screaming obsenities. "MOTHERFUCKER! OWWW, YOU GODDAMN SON OF A BITCH! AAAH, I'LL KILL THIS CUNT!!!" ...I forgot my family was behind me. My little brother says "...fuck!" and laughs. My sister runs screaming in the house. And my mother just sits there, open mouthed.

CARS SUCK.

TAPES VS DVDS:
First, we had the VHS videotape. Then we got Laser Discs. Then we saw the rise of DVDs. Then HD-DVDs. Now we have
Blu-ray Discs. While this all happens, I think to myself..."What the hell happened to just going to the movies or watching the damn TV?"

A FINAL WORD:
Buy a car with decent doors, pick the TV and the movie theater over these damn home entertainment devices, and GO SCREW YOURSELF OR SOMEONE ELSE....I pick the someone else! :)

-SuperGuy

P.S: I'm sick and tired of cat-piss. Don't ever buy a cat, folks. Just don't.
 
That car door fucked you up good.

I might suggest riding the bus. Then you probably won't traumatize your family so much, either.
 
Well, well, well. Look who's come crawling back. Sit back, relax...and get prepared for the coming-up most on-going rant series! You're enen just in time for...

CHILDREN, SIBBLINGS, AND MIDGETS - THEY'RE FUN SOMETIMES:
Children make me angry sometimes. That's just all there is to it. The other day, I'm in GoodWill looking for clothes and a cheap Nintindo 64. I pass by the Toy/Electronics eisle to look for the N64. Some kid (maybe 4 or 5 years old) come up to me with a huge toy. "Do you want this?" "No" I said. "Ok..." He leaves. Later he comes back (I still haven't found the N64).
With the same toy. "Are you looking for this?" ...Now I'm pissed. "No." I say. As I'm checking out he walks up behind me on they way out..WITH THE SAME FREAKING TOY. "Look what I got!" "Good for you, kid" I leave at this point.

SIBBLINGS get on my nevers...ALOT. But sometimes they're the perfect test subject. I make a bowl of "ice cream" for my brother. (*NOTE: he has pissed me off on porpouse in the past) It's sour-cream and cat fur. I hand him the bowl. He eats it. The keeps snarfing it down. Just when he's down to the ver last bite, I say "SOUR-CREEAM AND MITTENS HAIR, MY FRIEND!" He looks at the bowl and pukes. Even on my brand new leather shoes from GoodWill.

MIDGETS are fun. No explination needed here.

WHEN DOES IT START?
This is a true story:

I went to see Pirates of the Carribian: At Worlds End. There's a bratty kid behind me kicking the back of my seat. "I DON'T WANNA SEE IT. THIS SUCKS! LET ME LEAVE!" I move. SOMEHOW, the kid ends in the seat behind me...AGAIN!!!! Doing the same thing. Then, as he's kicking the seat, he kicks me RIGHT IN THE BACK OF MY FUCKIING HEAD. I'm prepared to shoot the brat. SUDDENLY, (this is the fun part) a robber comes in and shoots the screen. No one was harmed. He just stole all of the casheir's money. As, I'm walking out....I hear the kid scream "BUT WE DIDN'T SEE THE MOVIE! TAKE ME BACK!" ....Fuck kids.

A FINAL WORD:
Wear condoms.

-SuperGuy
 
The usual intro....today's main topic is something EVERYONE deals with. Strap in and prepare for...

PETS (PART ONE):
Boy, oh, boy am I exited for this shit-fest. As most of you guessed: I have pets. Yes, I've got about FIFTY FREAKING CATS. And they all have shitty names like "Tippy" or "Strawberry". MY SISTER NAMES ALL OF THESE CATS THESE NAMES. God, I wouldn't be surprized if one of them were named
"Mr. Assrammer." AND I AM SICK AND TIRED OF THESE GODDAMN CATS SHITING AND PISSING EVERYWHERE! Jesus, you can't take three steps in my house without steping in a puddle of piss.

Who up in God's labratory came up with the idea that male felines had to piss everywhere? That was God's ONE screw up. Male felines with raging hormones so that the piss on anything that moves (or not). I'm sure Fluffy Christ gives him shit everyday.

And the sick part about it...is that these creatures...take pride...in desicrating anything in their path. Jesus, I'm sick of cats.

CONDOMS:
You know, I've said in other parts of my rant that you should ALWAYS wear a condom, but....don't. I don't think God intended for us to put little rubber slips over a male's penis to keep the sperm from reaching it's destination. Folks, If you're gonna have sex...TAKE A FUCKING CHANCE ON KIDS! Condoms aren't natural! They just make it so people can fuck without having to deal with the demon that is childbirth. But, take a damn chance!

A FINAL WORD:
Go bone your girlfriend without a condom. Save sex my ass.:rolleyes:

-SuperGuy
 
For some reason, I don't feel as though the stream of consciousness has been interrupted between part 3, which I missed, and this one.

Although, if you believe all that God business, would God have granted us our superior abilities of thought and creation if he didn't want us to use them to come up with stuff like condoms?
Think about it. With your superior ability to do so.
 
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