closest i came was holding the knife...
i'm not afraid of death. i'm afraid of the thought of the one person i care about the most coming online one day (she's 4000 miles away) to find i'm not there... comes on the next day, i'm not there... a week goes by, no me... a month... she'll wonder where the fuck i am... what the fuck i'm doing... if it weren't for her, i don't know what i would have done.