Suffering from Separation Anxiety

[pam29]

I was wondering if anyone suffers from adult separation anxiety, besides myself??? I'm in my late 20's, still live at home with my parents and sister ( whom is my best friend) and have recently found out that I suffer from separation anxiety and have been since I was 12 ( started with school phobia). I went to see a doctor because as much as I love my boyfriend whom now is my fiance, I see us together forever and he makes me very happy, I freak out in my head thinking " do I really want to be with him, do I really love him"??? Yet I also fear my anxiety is going to cause me to loose him which also scares me ( he reassures me everyday he is going no where : ) My fiance is full aware of my fears and is very supportive, knows how to calm me down and just make me laugh. I've also had two relationships before my fiance which I believe hurt me very badly. The first was a 5 year relationship which in turn he broke up with me and the 2nd was approx. 5 months, everything was going great and out of no where he broke up with me saying " I don't love you and never will", harsh much. Any ways, the doctor I saw diagnosed me with separation anxiety. He said the fear I have about moving forward, buying a house, getting married etc. and not letting go of past is causing me to question how I truly feel in this relationship because if I wasn't with my fiance I wouldn't be any closer to leaving home and feel like I was leaving my parents and sister behind. The fear is causing major separation anxiety.

My question is does anyone else have this problem or a similar problem. I'm just looking for someone who knows exactly how I feel and that it's normal.

Any advise would be greatly appreciated. I know I've posted something similar before but I'm still suffering and just need reassurance. Hope to hear from someone soon. Sorry for the length.

 

[bestkeptsecret]

Hello,

I went through the same anxiety myself. Starting at the age of 4 or 5 years old, I had a very difficult time leaving my mother. I was very smart and well adjusted in all other areas but I had a foreboding sense of dread every time my mother left me with a relative or tried to enroll me in summer camp. Evening was the worst time for me. It didn't really go away even after I was married. It presented itself in not being able to stay at our apartment and truly make it feel like home. Most of the day I spent at my parent's house which really wasn't unusual since my husband worked for my father. But it was hard. Here I felt like an intelligent woman with my own idea of how I wanted our family to look and feel and I couldn't make it happen.

I'll tell you the path that I had to take. It really took me leaving the state that my parents lived in, with my husband and young daughter, & getting purposely involved in a LOT of activity, especially, roles where I had to develop leadership. I didn't realize it at the time how it would affect me but the more identity I created that was independent of my attachment with home, the more independent I began to feel. I think some of the problem was that I didn't have anyone dependent upon me. Once I had children and saw them growing & felt I had a "position" to fill with them...all of those dreams of how home should be, began to blossom. I would also consider going to a therapist that deals with separation anxiety in adults. There are many free resources with the County Health Department. Often just talking it out makes you feel normal & feeling normal helps you make progress.

 

[pam29]

Hi bestkeptsecret,

Thank you so much for your response. I'm sorry to hear you have had to deal with what I'm dealing with but also reassured that I'm not alone so thank you for posting

I may go back to the psychiatrist sometime but right now I'm riding things out. My fiance and I bought a home and will be moving in soon so until then I'm just trying to push myself. I do see an Acupuncturist every few weeks who also deals with Chinese Herbal medicine and I went to a NaturoPath for quite a few months. I have found all of this very helpful as I do not want to take meRAB. I want to have children one day and not have to deal with having to go on and off meRAB.

Question for you, before you got engaged and then married, did you ever have "uncertain" feelings towarRAB your now husband because of the fear of leaving home? I have read so many sights where people suffer from anxiety and have this very problem. One minute they know they're madly in love and then a second later they're questioning everything.

I talk with frienRAB and my sister ( who is older than me) all the time and they have all been very supportive. They help reassure me that this is just fear and once I'm settled in my own place it will be better. I also talk with my fiance who has been great as well. If I'm having a hard time I find I can't help but cry and he will just let me cry on him and hold me. Anxiety has left me very emotional but thankfully not angry.

My sister and parents have helped a lot in the renovations of my home and have helped me to make it feel homey. They all keep reassuring me they will be fine once I'm gone and that I will be ok. My sister also reminRAB me that I've always been like this. I missed quite a bit of school because I couldn't bring myself to leave home and once I started working full time I would call in sick almost once a week. I then changed jobs ( I hate change and don't deal well with it) and for the first week or two I cried every night. I'm not sure why but I have always put a lot of stress on myself to do well which also contributes to my anxiety. My mothers family also suffers from stress and anxiety so I have for sure inherited this.

I have read many things on the internet about Adult Separation anxiety and have come to realize that my sister is my attachment figure. We have been inseparable since we were young. She is my best friend. She still lives at home but only because financially she can't afford to move out on her own ( yet). I feel that is one of my biggest blockers because I feel as though I'm leaving her behind and alone

I understand what you mean about being independent and having people need you. I was actually told to get a pet so that I would have something dependent on me for once. Unfortunately I'm very allergic so that wouldn't work.

Hope to hear from you again : )