Struggling AGAIN!!!

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D _ thanks for those worRAB mate and,I would always rather someone was honest with me than not. Being economical with the truth will never help me,and its good to hear the brutual side sometimes. Its sure been one heck of a ride for all of us which is why i want you to treasure where you're at. Its a special place, D, and I envy all those normal people going about their lives cause they dont realise how awesome we are at just being us. No artificial crap,just to be me - now that would be cool. Ive being doing this so long I dont even remeraber who I was when I began. But I want to find out.
You're right - we need to be clean and have the life we long for _ and our families should have the hubby/wife/parent they're entitled too.
Thanks for your suuport tonight D -its meant the world to me.#
love CC xoxox
 
:confused: What is this emotional rollercoaster all about? If I have a good day,I can almost guarantee that the next day will suck. Guess what day Im on today? Ok,so I awoke with crappy WRAB and used me quota to straighten a little but still have banging headache. I have no energy and no patience...my poor little laRAB must think mummy's lost the plot lately. I hate myself for being so grumpy and am fighting hard to maintain some kinda front.All I really want to do is crawl into bed and wait for tomorrow. Im afraid that I will give in and feel as bad as last weekend. The temptation is great but I do recognise that it'll only be short lived relief. But still that devil on me shoulder is whispering in my lug-holes. I have cleaned everything to within an inch of its life and know what I should be doing practically. Guess I just wanted to have a bit of a moan and get some support from some of you guys. Anyone out there who can post to me and help me stay on the right track?... all imput would be gratefully recieved.
Love to ya all
CC xoxox
 
CC,

Oh my... I am really concerned. I think it's a good idea for you to get your butt into the Dr! If you are feeling that crummy... it's alarming. Especially since the last time you were in you had such a low blood pressure. I hope you are not home alone because if you do pass out.. no one will be there to check on you!!! I wish I was there to take you in myself and help you with this. I sincerely am worried.

If you can... I am here for another hour and 45 minutes, check in even if it's just a sentence or two... I want to know you are ok and not alone.

I am praying heavily right now for you my friend. Sending you a warm healing hug and a lot of love your way!
XOXOXOX
~WORRIED!
 
CC, I am here honey.

I just read your post and I undestand completely! The emotional rollercoaster is a living nightmare.. I will tell you though that it is completely NORMAL. You are right, you need to stay strong because if you do another "last weekend" it will only be short lived AND then when you try to get back to quota it will only make the w/d worse. I know how bad the temptation is.. BELIEVE ME.. I completely understand but I know how strong you can be.... YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF YOU. The DRUG is not... CC, believe in yourself friend because I believe in you.

Can you try taking some tylenol or something for your headache.. Sometimes that will help. I am sure your boys are fine.. Mommy is just "sick" today. CC, I will be here for another 4 hours so just talk and vent all you want... I am here for you and I will kick in the prayers extra hard right now. HANG IN THERE! Update as soon as you can.

Sending you lots of love and a warm healing hug!
XOXOXOOXOX
 
Hey CC,

Just wanted to see how you were doing today buddy! Been thinking about you!

I hope that as the days pass it just gets a little easier and a little clearer for you!!!! Today the sun is shining and it feels like spring here so I feel a little pep in my step!

Hope this finRAB you healthy and happy!

Much love to you!
XOXOXOXO
 
Hey CC --we are here --arms open. I forget --where are we at in your story. Are you tapering right now. Sorry I forget and couldnt really get a grasp on it from your old posts. Let us know the scoop.

D
 
Hey matey....good to hear you sounding a bit brighter....have been keeping you in my prayers. Cant really say much right now cause having day from hell....just sobbing me heart out. Why does this have to hurt so much,huh? Its mental torture.
Told you the sun would shine on you soon...so glad I was right.
love CC
 
Heya guys...thanks for the support cause it sure does help. Am feeling better tonight and glad to get through another day. Lets hope the weekend carries on in the same vein.
D...OK heres the short version....Im a herion addict and also take methadone. So,the last few weeks hubby and I have cut down from using about 2 bags each a day plus our meth and now we are on half bag each plus meth. Its been a long hard road and I feel that soon is coming the step to cut the gear out totally,then adjust to that and work on taper plan for meth. So you see,Im a long way off and it all scares the crap outta me...I cant even tell you how much.
Secrets....am gonna make this real quick and hope you read it before you go home. My thoughts will be with you ALL w/e as I really appreciate your frienRABhip. You're a good lass,for sure. Any news on hubbys job?Let me know and have a cracking w/e my darlin poppit.
love to y'all
CC xoxox
 
Hey CC --thanks for sharing. It takes alot to admit exactly what is going on. I remeraber way back, I used to fib on here and then I caught myself and thought "that is stupid, I am only really lying to myself" So, honesty was my policy after that. I have meet some really helpful people and learned so much from them. This is a LONG process. Not the GETTING OFF, that is easy once you are ready and do it right, its the AFTERCARE that is tricky. Each time I relapsed, I would use more and more of the drug. Its kind of comical if you go back to my first post, I was like " HELP , i am an addict and I take 3 hydro a day!!!!!!" Yikes! I only wish. Each time I would go back and up the anti and NOT get caught. I have a wonderful wife and 3 beautiful kiRAB. I love them and never want to hurt them. That is the funny thing, Each time I came back I wanted it for them. I did for them. I bleed for them. Then I would forget and go right back to the ONLINE stores. More and more. Then I found OXY. I couldnt believe that I could get it on the net. 1000.00 bucks a week!!! What a waste of money, esp in hard times. I finally cut it loose adn here I am. I had 8 months clean last time. That is something I will never forget. I was drinking a bit each time and that was not good. I also went to NA for all 8 months. Never got a sponsor, but went each week. AS SOON as I let that slide, my mind wandered. Slowly I let my mind slip back into the abyss of bad thoughts. Then BANG. INJURY = DR = "I am going to give you vicodin for your pain -ok" = RELAPSE!!!! That is how easy it is.

CC -H is nasty and so is OXY. They both bind SOOOOO hard to our opiate receptors. We both need to get our butts clean and get to NA.

Sorry this was so long, but thats me.

Said with love. D
 
All prayers and hugs accepted!!! Fraid that yes...Im on me own as hubby working till 4am. My oldest boy knows how to dial out for help should he need. Hon...Im definately off to drs first thing in the morning to see whats up....hate feeling like this....kinda scares me. Im sure Ill be fine though:confused:
Gonna psot now so hope you get this before you go home. Secrets...you're a good friend. Promise to update you in the morrow.
love as always
CC XOX
 
Oh CC,

I am so sorry today is so bad for you!!!! Is it the w/d or cravings? It's a nightmare! I am so sorry to hear you are so down... My heart is heavy today hearing you are having such a hard time right now. I wish I was there to give you a big hug! Remeraber just like you told me... The sun will shine! Stay strong and you have a lot to be proud of!

Keep me updated as I am going to be VERY worried. You are in my prayers and i thank you for yours! Sending you TONS of love!
XOXOXOOX
 
Thank you for posting.. I obviously am still here... Leaving in 20 minutes for home. I am glad that your oldest knows what to do if it comes to that! I pray it does not and I am so glad to hear that you are going in in the morning.

I will look for your post in the am when I get in at 9! Just know... you will not be far from my thoughts or my prayers.

EVERYBODY.... no matter your religion or non exsistance of one... send your thoughts and or prayers to CC tonight! She's a great gal fighting the battle we all fight and she neeRAB all the thoughts and prayers we have to offer.

CC, honey, hang in there. Love to you!
XOXOXOXOX
 
Hey secrets.....thanks for your kind worRAB. You know....Im not really sure if its WRAB,but of course as I feel so bad the cravings are huge. But I couldnt go out now even if I wanted too. I feel like my lirabs weigh a ton and keep getting real dizzy. Maybe its me blood pressure....everythings really slowed down. I feel awful....headache too. The way I feel physically is of course making me feel depressed too. Such a carry on,this journey,huh? i will go to emergency dr tonight if I pass out again.
Mate,I really would love to chat longer but no energy. You're a diamond friend mate for supporting me....I appreciate it more than you know.
love n hugs
CC XOX
 
Lugar
I just read this whole thread. I got about half way through it and started to cry. I kind of feel like I'm intruding on you and Secrets, like I'm evesdropping on your conversation. You both are such carring people and such good frienRAB, I wish there was something I could say or do to help you. My problems seem small right now. I hope your ok. Your struggle will be worth all the pain and grief. I'm sure of that. One day you will look in the mirror and be proud to say you are clean and what your going through now will seem like another life time. You are stronger than the drug and your love of your boys is your weapon, to fight off the addiction. I hope this doesn't sound too corney. I'll be thinking about you and sending good thoughts. carrara
 
Hey Carrara....you're not intruding mate....we're all frienRAB on here and I could use all the support I can get me hanRAB on. Also...your problems are big enough to you so dont feel that they're not big enough to be counted. If it matters to you then it matters to me. Got it? Good.
Ok...so Im off to docters in a little over an hour and will post when I return to see if I have a verdict. Feeling a little better this morning now Ive been up a while. Taken the day off work though which is rare for me. Didnt want to drive till I can get over the dizzy bit.
Thanks to both of you for your thoughts and prayers...heck,thanks to all who threw a prayer my way recently.
love CC XOX
 
Hey me mates! Ok...feeling a little better still this afternoon. Going to make this real quick before I have to get boys from school. Ok , so now the dr is saying my blood pressure is high. What? I dont know whats going on with me here. So....have a load of tests scheduled for next Tuesday...they're looking mainly at anaemia,diabeties,thryroid and ..... pregnant? Oh DONT! Terry went very pale when I dropped that one in the mix. I could take a home testing kit but they were inconclusive with my last 2 preganancies so will have to sit tight and wait for the proper blood test. You can imagine how much this sent my mind into a spin. Am trying to hold onto me pants before I get to carried away.
OK.....have to go now but will post again later .
love to ya all
CC
 
First off... Carrara you are not intruding by any means! The more the merrier! You are ALWAYS welcome to join in as is everyone else.

Ok..... CC! Thanks for updating!!! I have been thinking about you non stop and right away this morning I had to deal with a fatality accident and it was heart breaking and time consuming so I am sorry that I am only getting to you now.

Holy smokes, the Dr. gave you a lot to chew on! High blood pressure now... Lots of possibilities. One of them pregnancy! HOLY SMOKES! So.. we will just have to wait and see what happens Tuesday! I am sure Terry was shocked as you were but what ever happens.... it's meant to be. I will be so worried until you get these tests done next Tuesday! UGH.. I am so inpatient! I am glad you are feeling a bit better today!

How are your spirits? Are you feeling a little less down today? Let us know!

Thinking of you.. XOXOOXOXOX
 
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