Story beginning???

  • Thread starter Thread starter Crazy Angel
  • Start date Start date
C

Crazy Angel

Guest
Okay....tell me the truth. What do you think of this story (CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM....please don't be afraid to say the truth)


The soft humming noise coming from the fan had seemed to die down. Violet focused intently on the spur of light peeking through the outside of the closet, expecting it to be cut off by a tall burly shadow.

Violet lowered her hands which were cupped over her mouth. in case someone could hear her panting. She raised her arm and felt around for something to wipe her damp forehead on. Nothing was at her reach.

Violet focused on the ray of light once more and she decided that it was safe to go. Before getting up, she clasped her hands together and prayed, something she only did when she was troubled.

Violet traced the outline of the doorknob with her fingers before she cautiously turned it.
 
really good writing techniques but what happens (I knowthis is just a preface or whatever) shouldn't have some input to the story?
 
Overall pretty good! This is a little rough though:

"Violet lowered her hands which were cupped over her mouth. in case someone could hear her panting. "

It doesn't flow too well. Whats the story about? It sounds interesting.

Keep writing it sounds good! Just fiix that sentence.
 
Oh I love it I would always love this if it was a book thanx for sharing
for you!
()_()
(* *)
(")(") bunny
 
Back
Top