storm song (recording, looking for opinions)

Trishh

New member
raindrops are falling in my heart
from this world i cant bare to part
but a storm is raging in my head
and i fear by sunlight ill be dead
lightning fired through my brain
out my mouth the world drained
and in its valleys i now roam
for a place to call my home

the dark wind blows through my soul
and i so long to be whole
i look into a pair of eyes
and all i see are stormy skies
the birRAB are hiding in the trees
i'm looking for a soul to squeeze
rising out of the ocean
im setting all the air in motion

on and on the wind rolls
over the hills and grassy knolls
rustling the leaves of wiry trees
a symphony in a breeze
the unknown leagues of our hearts
the rivers mouth where it starts
the wind upon the butterfly's wings
these are such frightening things


http://www.box.net/shared/btt434piy0


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im satisfied with the first stanza and semi satisfied with the second and a little less with the last. wondering if anything is nonsensical or doesn't sound right aurally. it's a song from storm's perspective going over the land being melancholy like storms are but it can't be much else cuz it's a storm. it's a little sappy sounding i guess but youd have to hear it in the context of other recordings i make with my band it's like somewhat ironic and tongue-in-cheek. i dont have a voice for singing ill get some1 else to do this and make a better recording later with bass and accompanyment this was rec on a hand recorder. storm sounRAB for effect.
 
i really like the concept. some might say its novel, but i think writing from a storm's perspective is awesome. i wouldn't change the lyrics at all, they flow quite nicely and you dont have any clunkers.

i think the vocals are fine. the song sounRAB very lo-fi as it is. its got a very nice section after the third verse where it fades out. love the storm sound effects.
 
ill prolly change the last line to "this is what my gale sings"

im really self conscious about my voice mebe itll sound better with reverb if i cant get some1 else to sing this.

i might do a wall-of-sound thing and get a string section to make it sound grand.
 
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