Spilling my guts.

T

The Ignorant Masses

New member
"You can only perceive real beauty in a person as they get older." Anouk Aimee

Everyone feels old now and then. Even teenagers, looking at the frivolous antics of the sophomores from the lofty heights of their senior year. Just think of it as a chance to realize you're still alive and kicking.

I think most parents fear their children will end up hating them at one time or another. Best thing you can do is to make sure you're not doing anything deliberately to cause it. Otherwise, about all we can do is to be true to ourselves, our values, and our hopes for our children. We can try our best to be a good parent and hope that, once they've grown up, they may realize that whatever we did (mistakes and all) was out of love for them.
 
Long story short:
My two oldest children live with my Ex Husband. He dose not let me have any contact with them what so ever. They live in Arkansas, I live in Ohio. My two youngest children live with me. So as you can see more than likely the oldest kids will hate me after he gets done with them. I have tried every which way to contact them, but he always seems to stop it.



You might be right about that but, I don't ever get out.


pardon my bad grammar
 
makers-mark.jpg


cheers
 
Maybe you should just take that "always for getting things" and expand on it, so by the time your 37 you'll be in the throws of Alzheimer's and you won't have to worry about shit, or rather you won't remember shit, to worry about it... what was i talking about...

Plus if you think about it, everybody i know, for a time, and in some way stops talking to their parents, but they always come back to them, they have too, they have to say their sorry for being such a shit all those years. Maybe by that time you'll be 37 anyway... :tongue:
 
I think through the beer last night i meant... something... got a headache right now though...

The kids part i understand though... i stoped talking to my parents for awhile, but i had to come back... i kinda grew up... and realized what a shit i'd been for the last 18 years.

And as far as the hubbie goes, if he breaks it, it's his loss not yours... as they say women are like wine...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Really just want to go to bed right now... .... ...
 
Okay. I'm going to offer some unwarranted advice that you're quite welcome to ignore.

1) You need to find things to do that are outside of the house, or that will be the only focus for your life. With young kids, any free time is limited, but even the PTA or volunteering at their school or library will give you a chance to talk with other "grown ups". If you like to read, you might think about starting (or joining) a book club (for example) and inviting other neighbors, school parents, or friends to come on over and discuss an author's work.

2) Regarding your older two children - unfortunately, there's not a lot you can do about their father's influence on their current opinions. As long as you remember to recognize special occasions, like their birthdays or getting a part in a school play (if you find out about it) and send a card, they will know that you are thinking about them. Hopefully, your ex won't censor their mail. When they finish growing up, and learn to think for themselves, they may be able to objectively look at you as a person and not as the picture their father painted. It's hard to have to wait until then, but don't give up.

3) As trite as it sounds, you need to like yourself first, and find yourself interesting, before you can expect anyone else to. You mentioned being afraid that your husband would lose interest and find someone else. Well, that's a pretty natural fear, based on the behavior of your ex. It takes a really long time (sometimes a lifetime) to get over expecting that same pattern from others. Don't let it become a self-fulfilling prophecy. In those few quiet moments you have, start listing the things that interest you, and pursue something - whether it's writing editorials to the newspaper, or making rag rugs from the kid's old clothes, or learning to fix the car. If you can find an outside interest that you and your husband share, try to set a specific, recurring time to enjoy that activity. Take care of the obstacles (like finding a babysitter) that would hinder the two of you from having some time together.

4) Don't forget that all changes happen a day at a time. Plan, then act, and don't give up.

Jeepers, aren't you glad you don't live next door? Pep talks are much better when one can ignore them.
 
Back
Top