Either someone complained,I can guess it might have been some sad little -anker from yesterday,or it's because they were racialist (which they were not) so here are some more that shouldn't upset anyone.
A little boy gets a new tv for his bedroom,during the day his mum goes up to take him a drink,she gets just outside his bedroom door when she hears "love juice" coming from the tv,she goes back downstairs and waits for the boys father to get home from work.
The boys father gets home and the mother explains that she went to take a drink up and what she heard and that she thinks their son is watching porn,she tells the father that he must go and have a talk with their son, the father goes up and asks his son what he was watching on tv,the son replies "tennis".
three robbers,2 english and 1 irish, rob a bank and try to escape on foot,, the police chase after them and eventually they end up in someones garden,they decide to hide in the garden shed and when they go in the shed there are some empty sacks on the floor,they all decide to hide in the sacks in the hope that the police will not find them, the police look in the shed and see the three sacks,a policeman kicks the 1st sack and the englishman goes "woof woof", the policeman says " oh,it's just a dog", he then kicks the 2nd sack,the 2nd englishman says "meow meow", the policeman says "oh,it's just a cat",he then kicks the 3rd sack and paddy says "potatoes"
an englishman and an irishman attempt to escape from colditz at night during the war,they get to the sentry post and the englishman says "i'll go first,we should be okay undercover of the darkness,just try not to make a noise", he creeps past the german on sentry duty but steps on a twig which alerts the sentry,"halt,who goes there" says the sentry,the englishman goes "meow meow", the sentry thinks it's just a cat and the englishman escapes,the irishman then tries to creep past but he also steps on a twig,the sentry says "halt,who goes there" and paddy says "another cat"
I was driving down the motorway the other day doing 70mph when all of a sudden this 6 foot tall 3 legged chicken came past me doing at least 90mph, i couldnt believe it so i put my foot down to try and catch it up and no matter how fast i went it just got faster,eventually it ran up a slip road to leave the motorway and i managed just to keep it in my sights,i followed it for miles and eventually into the countryside,i was just thinking of giving up the chase when it ran into a farmyard and disappeared behind a barn,i skidded to a stop and must have alerted the farmer as he came out to see what all the noise was about, he asked me what was going on, I said " you wont believe this but this 6 foot tall 3 legged chicken overtook me on the motorway and it got up to speeds of over 100mph,i couldnt believe what i was seeing so i decided to follow it and it ended up here going behind that barn over there", the farmer said "oh yes,that's right, i breed them,there's me,my wife and our son,we're all big eaters so i decided to breed a big chicken with 3 legs so we can have a leg each", I said " well i never,what do they taste like" to which the farmer replied " dunno, never been able to catch one yet"
a bloke goes to the doctors because he's got trouble with his hearing,the doctor asks him " what are the symptoms" the bloke replies " homer is a yellow fat lazy ba-tard and marge is a tall bird with big blue hair"
I walked in the pub the other day and slipped over in a pile of poo that someone had done in the doorway, i went and got a pint and sat down at a table, 5 minutes later a big bloke came in and he slipped over in the same pile of poo, i said " i just done that" and then he beat me up
why did the pervert cross the road, because he was stuck in the chicken
did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper,he sold his soul to santa
did you hear about the dyslexic who went to a toga party dressed as a goat
a bloke goes into a pub on new years eve,he's holding his head down to one side and on his chest,he goes up to the bar and without lifting his head up says " a pint of lager for me,one for yourself and one for everyone else in the pub,put it on a tab and i'll pay later,the landlord thanks him and serves all the drinks,everyone thanks him and 10 minutes later he does exactly the same thing,again everyone tells him what a good bloke he is and thanks him,another 5 minutes later he puts the same order in but the landlord says " you need to settle your tab first,it comes to £897.57, the bloke says " i haven't got any money", the landlord says "you bast-rd,if you had done that in the pub over the road they would have broke your neck,the bloke says "i just came from there"
2 blokes have been travelling through the dessert lost for days without water,they come across a market and can't believe their luck,they go to the first stall and ask for water,the owner of the stall says "sorry,all i have is jelly",they go to the 2nd stall and ask
thanks sheila,i seem to have run out of space for my last joke,i'll keep it for another time
A little boy gets a new tv for his bedroom,during the day his mum goes up to take him a drink,she gets just outside his bedroom door when she hears "love juice" coming from the tv,she goes back downstairs and waits for the boys father to get home from work.
The boys father gets home and the mother explains that she went to take a drink up and what she heard and that she thinks their son is watching porn,she tells the father that he must go and have a talk with their son, the father goes up and asks his son what he was watching on tv,the son replies "tennis".
three robbers,2 english and 1 irish, rob a bank and try to escape on foot,, the police chase after them and eventually they end up in someones garden,they decide to hide in the garden shed and when they go in the shed there are some empty sacks on the floor,they all decide to hide in the sacks in the hope that the police will not find them, the police look in the shed and see the three sacks,a policeman kicks the 1st sack and the englishman goes "woof woof", the policeman says " oh,it's just a dog", he then kicks the 2nd sack,the 2nd englishman says "meow meow", the policeman says "oh,it's just a cat",he then kicks the 3rd sack and paddy says "potatoes"
an englishman and an irishman attempt to escape from colditz at night during the war,they get to the sentry post and the englishman says "i'll go first,we should be okay undercover of the darkness,just try not to make a noise", he creeps past the german on sentry duty but steps on a twig which alerts the sentry,"halt,who goes there" says the sentry,the englishman goes "meow meow", the sentry thinks it's just a cat and the englishman escapes,the irishman then tries to creep past but he also steps on a twig,the sentry says "halt,who goes there" and paddy says "another cat"
I was driving down the motorway the other day doing 70mph when all of a sudden this 6 foot tall 3 legged chicken came past me doing at least 90mph, i couldnt believe it so i put my foot down to try and catch it up and no matter how fast i went it just got faster,eventually it ran up a slip road to leave the motorway and i managed just to keep it in my sights,i followed it for miles and eventually into the countryside,i was just thinking of giving up the chase when it ran into a farmyard and disappeared behind a barn,i skidded to a stop and must have alerted the farmer as he came out to see what all the noise was about, he asked me what was going on, I said " you wont believe this but this 6 foot tall 3 legged chicken overtook me on the motorway and it got up to speeds of over 100mph,i couldnt believe what i was seeing so i decided to follow it and it ended up here going behind that barn over there", the farmer said "oh yes,that's right, i breed them,there's me,my wife and our son,we're all big eaters so i decided to breed a big chicken with 3 legs so we can have a leg each", I said " well i never,what do they taste like" to which the farmer replied " dunno, never been able to catch one yet"
a bloke goes to the doctors because he's got trouble with his hearing,the doctor asks him " what are the symptoms" the bloke replies " homer is a yellow fat lazy ba-tard and marge is a tall bird with big blue hair"
I walked in the pub the other day and slipped over in a pile of poo that someone had done in the doorway, i went and got a pint and sat down at a table, 5 minutes later a big bloke came in and he slipped over in the same pile of poo, i said " i just done that" and then he beat me up
why did the pervert cross the road, because he was stuck in the chicken
did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper,he sold his soul to santa
did you hear about the dyslexic who went to a toga party dressed as a goat
a bloke goes into a pub on new years eve,he's holding his head down to one side and on his chest,he goes up to the bar and without lifting his head up says " a pint of lager for me,one for yourself and one for everyone else in the pub,put it on a tab and i'll pay later,the landlord thanks him and serves all the drinks,everyone thanks him and 10 minutes later he does exactly the same thing,again everyone tells him what a good bloke he is and thanks him,another 5 minutes later he puts the same order in but the landlord says " you need to settle your tab first,it comes to £897.57, the bloke says " i haven't got any money", the landlord says "you bast-rd,if you had done that in the pub over the road they would have broke your neck,the bloke says "i just came from there"
2 blokes have been travelling through the dessert lost for days without water,they come across a market and can't believe their luck,they go to the first stall and ask for water,the owner of the stall says "sorry,all i have is jelly",they go to the 2nd stall and ask
thanks sheila,i seem to have run out of space for my last joke,i'll keep it for another time