So, to start out, I know I'm depressed, I'm 21 and have had suicidal thoughts for years. I just can't seem to improve. I go to the doctors and get meds but it still doesn't really fix my problems.
I'm asocial to the point of being a hermit, insecure, cynical, pessimistic, misanthropic, and completely unmotivated. I'm not a self starter by any means either. I don't know how I even take care of myself or hold a job.
Last week I decided all my friends (which were all online) were not really "friends" and deleted all my social networking accounts. This has been a good thing in some ways. I started seeking out new people to talk to. And recently I went on a few dates, which I guess kind of puts me to why I am here. Due to all my bad traits, I've never had sex with a woman. I got desperate one time and had a homosexual encounter, but I can't convince myself that counts. I narrowed it down to one of the problems of my depression that can be fixed.
Anyways, over the years I've talked with a lot of women online, and have met some irl, but it never goes anywhere because of all my bad traits. I guess what I'm saying is, I can't really ever seem to have sex with them. I've gotten to the point where I'm posting on craigslist, and am even considering a prostitute. It's driving me nuts, eating me up to the point where suicide almost seems like it would benefit the gene pool.
I'm pissed off at myself I can't seem to snap out of any of this. I want to have friends, a girlfriend, sex obviously, but I just can't get out of this mood. I'm introverted and unhappy. They want outgoing and fun. I can't provide any of that, because I can't even do it for myself.
I don't know what to do with my life really, doctors seem to throw me medications, I'm too embarrassed to talk with my broken family about it, and all my old friends are not compassionate and call me an emo faggot.
Instead of ranting, I guess I should have kept it short and asked "should I just get a prostitute?" Would sex really help turn things around?
I'm asocial to the point of being a hermit, insecure, cynical, pessimistic, misanthropic, and completely unmotivated. I'm not a self starter by any means either. I don't know how I even take care of myself or hold a job.
Last week I decided all my friends (which were all online) were not really "friends" and deleted all my social networking accounts. This has been a good thing in some ways. I started seeking out new people to talk to. And recently I went on a few dates, which I guess kind of puts me to why I am here. Due to all my bad traits, I've never had sex with a woman. I got desperate one time and had a homosexual encounter, but I can't convince myself that counts. I narrowed it down to one of the problems of my depression that can be fixed.
Anyways, over the years I've talked with a lot of women online, and have met some irl, but it never goes anywhere because of all my bad traits. I guess what I'm saying is, I can't really ever seem to have sex with them. I've gotten to the point where I'm posting on craigslist, and am even considering a prostitute. It's driving me nuts, eating me up to the point where suicide almost seems like it would benefit the gene pool.
I'm pissed off at myself I can't seem to snap out of any of this. I want to have friends, a girlfriend, sex obviously, but I just can't get out of this mood. I'm introverted and unhappy. They want outgoing and fun. I can't provide any of that, because I can't even do it for myself.
I don't know what to do with my life really, doctors seem to throw me medications, I'm too embarrassed to talk with my broken family about it, and all my old friends are not compassionate and call me an emo faggot.
Instead of ranting, I guess I should have kept it short and asked "should I just get a prostitute?" Would sex really help turn things around?