social anxiety

[lovekush]

Since I was 18, I felt like I started to get social anxiety. I don't ever have panic attacks and I'm not anti-social. In fact, I love people and parties but I need a lot of people around me. If there are only a few people then that's when I get the anxiety. I only have one friend (who is also my bf). Since I was 18, I've met many new people but none of them really ever liked me. I've always been nice, I'm attractive, smart, very laid back and have a fun sense of humor but only with my boyfriend. He doesn't get why people wouldn't like me. I have a slapstick sense of humor but when I'm around certain people I just can't express myself. Not because I feel like they won't like my personality because I know my real personality and I think if I was someone else, I would get along with myself. lol. But I just feel like I can never find anything to talk about with most people. In a group conversation I just become a mute and people think I'm boring (they actually tell me this) and just don't want me around. I'm really not boring. When all the people leave and it's just my boyfriend and I, I all of a sudden become a different person. I'm fun and humorous. Pretty talkative and spontaneous. Most people like me at big parties too because I'm full of energy. But when its just me and a few people I feel like my energy is just gone. Sometimes I have to excuse myself and lay down or want to leave because I don't know how to relate with anyone. I'll be a complete mute for a good hour and just listen to other people talk but apparently that bothers people. People will start asking me whats wrong or ask me why I'm so mad (when I'm actually not mad and in fact, having a decent time) or people will ask me why I'm bored when I'm really not bored. Its just frustrating. Should I see a psychiatrist or do I just hang out with stuck up people?

 

[light the world]

I have social anxiety myself. There is treatment for this and it is probably a good idea to see a psychiatrist for they can give you the best options for treatment. I'm very quiet in group settings as well. I won't say a word. My mind will go blank and I don't know what to say. When people realize that your not talking they automatically assume that your not interesting or that you don't like them when really all we want is to actually be around others.

 

[tulum]

How does your boyfriend treat you? Just wondering.

It sounRAB like you are not comfortable with yourself that is why you struggle when the crowd is small. In big crowRAB we feel that we are less noticeable since there is so much other stimulation making it unlikely that people will be focusing on you that much. However, in small crowRAB, there is not so much going on so we feel that we are more noticeable and being "observed" so we feel more self-conscious.

 

[dduff]

I know this might sound weird, but is there a chance you are just introverted?

I know of several people that around one or two people, are very talkative, engaging, and well- received. However, around a larger group, they are quiet, and appear to wither under the conversation, retreating to silence. Many seeing them in this context tend to think they are bored by the conversation or are themselves boring and generally tend not to view them favorably. Sometimes, in a very large group, this shyness goes away because the very large group can be somewhat anonymizing.

There's a great book that discusses this idea, including the attributes of introverts (not what many people think), and the psychology/physiology. Its called "The Introvert Advantage." The author escapes me, but it is fantastic and really opened my eyes on why introverts are often disliked by most people (who are extroverts).