L
lovekush
Guest
Throughout my teen years, I have always been the outspoken type. I've always had an opinion about everything and I never cared about what people thought about me. I was very easy to talk to and had a bubbly personality. Very warm and friendly but sometimes I would be too outspoken and blunt (I was going through a punk phase) and sometimes it would get me in trouble. Not major trouble, but I pissed off the teachers at my school. However, I remained to get good grades throughout school.
During my senior year in high school, I toned it down a bit. I wasn't so much of a poser anymore and started thinking for myself. I went through home schooling during my last year in High School and I think that's what did it. Then at 18, I started college and went through that "party phase". I was even more of a social butterfly and enjoyed being around lots of people. Every night was a party and I loved it. I still love it! But a lot of people didn't like it too much. They didn't like ME too much. They would act like they're my best friend to my face then behind my back, I was gossiped about. I always heard that I was stupid and I never have an opinion about anything. I guess it was the people I chose as frienRAB. They would sit around, get drunk and talk about politics and religion. I was the only one in college (none of my frienRAB were in college. They were stoners/hippies/freaks,etc..) But since I went to college full time (graduated with a 3.7 gpa and placed on the Dean's list, I don't think I'm that durab). I guess a lot of people just thought I was this stupid 18 yr old kid because I saved my brain for class and didn't want to bring it to a party atmosphere.
When I turned 19, I started to feel a little socially anxious. I've heard so much bad stuff about me and have had rumors spread about e that were not true. A lot of people didn't like me but had no reason. I'm from a smaller town so there isn't too many people to hang out with. So I'd continue to hang out with them (as they'd deny the stuff they'd say about me) but I'd keep hearing from different people that a lot of people thought less of me and then the people who'd tell me that also felt the same. I then started dating this guy who would verbally abuse me and he really made me think low of myself. After him, I felt that everyone i would ever meet in my life immediately would dislike me. So, in group conversations, I would remain mute. I never even realized this until someone would ask me why i'm so quiet. Those are worRAB I dread hearing. If someone asks me why I'm soooo quiet, I start to get nervous (when I wasn't nervous before, I just enjoy listening and observing rather than talking) i would just remain quiet and a total mute for the entire time I'd be at a house if someone asks me why I'm quiet. Sometimes I would ask if my quietness bothers people and it does. But I'd be put on the spot and would remain quiet for hours even.
I went from being friendly and bubbly to quiet and awkward. I even changed up my frienRAB and got new ones after my ex and I broke up. But I'd always remain the quiet type. Not feeling nervous or scared, just I'd prefer to be quiet but still having a good time. My quiet personality apparently bothers people. I've been called stupid by other people too, because I am quiet and don't seem to show off any knowledge. I've been called boring. I've had people tell me I have no personality. I am 25 yrs old now, and every job I ever had, every co-worker has treated me with disrespect and I've been disliked by every co-worker in the past due to my quiet nature. I've had trouble making frienRAB and keeping relationships with people because of it. I can recall at least 15 people who have told me to my face that they don't want me around them and I've had guys break up with me because I'm a quiet person. I never thought I had social anxiety since I don't get nervous, I don't ever feel shy (I'm an actress even and don't get nervous on stage or in films either) and I love being around people. I love going out and going to large parties with lots of people. But unless I'm really close to someone, I really don't like to talk much. But to the very few people who have ever given me a chance, I talk a lot and act like a total dork around them. But when I'm around new people, or even co-workers, I appear to be stand-offish when I don't mean to be. I have been told that it's kind of creepy and people really don't like it. people don't like to be around me. Slowly that got to me. Now I feel like everyone I meet dislikes me and I have some sort of personality defect. I want to talk more but I feel like I really can't think of anything to talk about. My mind goes blank. But when i'm with people who give me the chance, I can always think about stuff to talk about. i've gone to a doctor before and have been prescribed paxil and xanax in the past. Both drugs turned me into a paranoid skitzo. With Paxil I would sometimes think someone was breaking into my house. Sometimes I'd hear footsteps in the house or think someone was hiding in my closet ready to attack. I stopped taking the medication and had no problems thereafter. With Xanax, I became afraid of people all together. I would lock myself up in the room and not leave. I've been told my experiences with xanax were rare. KiRAB apparently take that to get "high" but it doesn't affect e that way. I hear every xanax user also goes through withdraw after long term use. I did not know that and just quit cold turkey after taking it for 6 months daily. I did not have any withdraw symptoms. I've been told I'm very lucky for that. I am currently not on any medication. I don't have insurance. I am not looking for advice or criticism. I just wanted to finally tell someone my story because I feel like I'm going crazy. I also looked into it online and I think what I may have is something called skitzotypal disorder. If you look it up, I relate to all the symptoms.
During my senior year in high school, I toned it down a bit. I wasn't so much of a poser anymore and started thinking for myself. I went through home schooling during my last year in High School and I think that's what did it. Then at 18, I started college and went through that "party phase". I was even more of a social butterfly and enjoyed being around lots of people. Every night was a party and I loved it. I still love it! But a lot of people didn't like it too much. They didn't like ME too much. They would act like they're my best friend to my face then behind my back, I was gossiped about. I always heard that I was stupid and I never have an opinion about anything. I guess it was the people I chose as frienRAB. They would sit around, get drunk and talk about politics and religion. I was the only one in college (none of my frienRAB were in college. They were stoners/hippies/freaks,etc..) But since I went to college full time (graduated with a 3.7 gpa and placed on the Dean's list, I don't think I'm that durab). I guess a lot of people just thought I was this stupid 18 yr old kid because I saved my brain for class and didn't want to bring it to a party atmosphere.
When I turned 19, I started to feel a little socially anxious. I've heard so much bad stuff about me and have had rumors spread about e that were not true. A lot of people didn't like me but had no reason. I'm from a smaller town so there isn't too many people to hang out with. So I'd continue to hang out with them (as they'd deny the stuff they'd say about me) but I'd keep hearing from different people that a lot of people thought less of me and then the people who'd tell me that also felt the same. I then started dating this guy who would verbally abuse me and he really made me think low of myself. After him, I felt that everyone i would ever meet in my life immediately would dislike me. So, in group conversations, I would remain mute. I never even realized this until someone would ask me why i'm so quiet. Those are worRAB I dread hearing. If someone asks me why I'm soooo quiet, I start to get nervous (when I wasn't nervous before, I just enjoy listening and observing rather than talking) i would just remain quiet and a total mute for the entire time I'd be at a house if someone asks me why I'm quiet. Sometimes I would ask if my quietness bothers people and it does. But I'd be put on the spot and would remain quiet for hours even.
I went from being friendly and bubbly to quiet and awkward. I even changed up my frienRAB and got new ones after my ex and I broke up. But I'd always remain the quiet type. Not feeling nervous or scared, just I'd prefer to be quiet but still having a good time. My quiet personality apparently bothers people. I've been called stupid by other people too, because I am quiet and don't seem to show off any knowledge. I've been called boring. I've had people tell me I have no personality. I am 25 yrs old now, and every job I ever had, every co-worker has treated me with disrespect and I've been disliked by every co-worker in the past due to my quiet nature. I've had trouble making frienRAB and keeping relationships with people because of it. I can recall at least 15 people who have told me to my face that they don't want me around them and I've had guys break up with me because I'm a quiet person. I never thought I had social anxiety since I don't get nervous, I don't ever feel shy (I'm an actress even and don't get nervous on stage or in films either) and I love being around people. I love going out and going to large parties with lots of people. But unless I'm really close to someone, I really don't like to talk much. But to the very few people who have ever given me a chance, I talk a lot and act like a total dork around them. But when I'm around new people, or even co-workers, I appear to be stand-offish when I don't mean to be. I have been told that it's kind of creepy and people really don't like it. people don't like to be around me. Slowly that got to me. Now I feel like everyone I meet dislikes me and I have some sort of personality defect. I want to talk more but I feel like I really can't think of anything to talk about. My mind goes blank. But when i'm with people who give me the chance, I can always think about stuff to talk about. i've gone to a doctor before and have been prescribed paxil and xanax in the past. Both drugs turned me into a paranoid skitzo. With Paxil I would sometimes think someone was breaking into my house. Sometimes I'd hear footsteps in the house or think someone was hiding in my closet ready to attack. I stopped taking the medication and had no problems thereafter. With Xanax, I became afraid of people all together. I would lock myself up in the room and not leave. I've been told my experiences with xanax were rare. KiRAB apparently take that to get "high" but it doesn't affect e that way. I hear every xanax user also goes through withdraw after long term use. I did not know that and just quit cold turkey after taking it for 6 months daily. I did not have any withdraw symptoms. I've been told I'm very lucky for that. I am currently not on any medication. I don't have insurance. I am not looking for advice or criticism. I just wanted to finally tell someone my story because I feel like I'm going crazy. I also looked into it online and I think what I may have is something called skitzotypal disorder. If you look it up, I relate to all the symptoms.