so, what do you think of my poem?

[AmberLynn]

i wrote it about the night that this guy came over. and how we keep such a beautiful little secret.

waiting, waiting, for the right time
i'm smiling, and it's oh so contagious
you can't wait, this is so outrageous
we don't go well, but what a disaster

you steal a glance and look away
you're waiting until we're alone
and the smell of your sweet, sweet cologne
is burning inside, igniting my desires

finally, we exclaim, as we stand alone
and intense gaze, as we walk under the stars
and each moment we stay, will add to my scars
moving in slowly, you go for the kill

you're movements entice me, bringing me closer
wanting more and more as our lips collide
standing here, held by you, part of me has died.
my body gives in to your lingering touch

and i can't help it, i can't resist
pulling you closer, i'm letting you in
your hands move about, and i can feel your skin
i'm wanting this now more than ever

-amberlynn

 

[Jack Daniels]

It doesn't rhyme, or 'flow' very well.

 

[A B]

This was tedious to read. However, there are a couple good lines- go back into editing and see if you can make it sharper.