So want an opinion about a short story. Wrote a scary story what do you think?

The girls where excited it was the end of the school year. Today was the last day of school and Julie,14 planned on having a great party that night to hit off the summer vacation So at around 11pm three girls are huddled around a T.V. watching scary movies. Earlier in the evening the girls recall a sound distinctly like scraping against the window but just dismiss it as a branch from the tree outside.. As the hours grow late the girls get tired. A thunder storm rolls in for a few hours keeping the girls wake a bit. At around 3am the girls are passed out in their sleeping bags huddled up for slumber. Outside a sinister presence is lurking. At around 3:39am Julie got up to use the bathroom. As she sneaks her way past her sleeping friends and tiptoes past her parents room, her brothers room, down the hall to the bathroom. It is completely quiet in the house. Julie flips on the light and does her business. As she washes her hands she feels this eeriness surrounding her. She shudders as she realizes how cold it is. So she goes to check the thermostat in the living room. Making her way down the dark hall way she feels a draft come swirling past her. As she approaches the living room she notices something reflecting on the floor in the moonlight. Then she sees it. The glass all over the floor and a large tree branch laying on the floor. The sliding glass door had been broken open. The curtains swaying as the outside windows blow in to the house. Then like a flash she runs to get her parents. As she rushes in to the room and leap on to the bed she yells “Mom! Dad! The sliding door has been broken a tree fell or something, Wake up!” But no answer. She shakes them vigorously but no movement. She reaches over her mother and clicks on her lamp. Then as she is sitting over her mother she looks down and sees the corpse of her mother throat slit eyes open in terror. She then looks over at her Father. His corpse cold and throat slit as well. With shock and terror. Julie covers her mouth and screams. “Oh my God!” Julie then runs to her older brothers room. “Hector someone killed Mom and Dad!” As she reaches his bed there is Hector sitting straight up in his bed eye wide open in terror. A knife stuck in his chest. He flops over as Julie grabs him. In anguish and terror Julie yelps “No, no , no, no, please!” Julie weeps as she looks at her older brother Hectors stiff body. Then it hits her. “My friends! Oh God my friends!” She runs in to her room and slips in something wet. As she falls on her knees she looks at her hands. The blood was dark and red. She crawls over to her friends sleeping bags and grabs the flash light. Flips it on and is horrified at the scene. There were her two friends bags soaked red with blood and the bodies slashes horribly. There faces were white as snow and eyes wide open in terror with there mouths open like they had been screaming. Throats slashed and bleeding. Not able to stand it any longer Julie breaks down in to tears and moans of shock, anguish and terror. Then she hears the foot steps. THUMP, THUMP, THUMP! And the sound of something scrapping against the wall. SCRAPE! Julie scrambles to her bedroom closet and closes the door behind her. Inside she leans against the wall behind her clothes and just waits. Praying that she is not discovered. The foot steps become louder, and louder. THUMP, THUMP, THUMP! Then they stop. It is completely silent. Julie holds her breath trying not to make a sounds. Then when she can no longer hold her breath. She tries to exhale as quietly and slowly as possible. Tears stream down her face and she squeezes her self in to a ball in the corner of the closet. As it gets later and later Julie becomes tired. The ordeal has exhausted her and she fights the urge to sleep but it is no use. She loses consciousness and is asleep in no time. When she comes to she is in a hospital bed and a woman in a nurses uniform is looking down on her. “You have had quite an ordeal young lady!” The Nurse leaves the room. As she slowly becomes aware of her surroundings she realizes she is in Hospital. Feeling safe from harm and relieved she actually survived! Julie breaks down and cries for her family and friends that were brutally murdered. As she is able to contain herself, Julie crawls out of her bed to look out the window. As she goes to open the closed curtains she knocks against the wall. Throwing open the curtains she sees a wall and No window! “What is going on?” As Julie turns around to the sound of the door closing behind her she sees the “Nurse” take off her wig to reveal a Man face scared and ugly. He is holding needle in his hand. Then the room starts to spin and Julie falls to the floor. Looking up at him he says, “Well I guess I won’t need the second dose. You are mine now, sweetie!” As she looses consciousness She feels him lift her up and place her back in the bed kissing her on the head.
 
Back
Top