So stressed, argue with Fiance constantly! Need communication solutions!?

A

Amanda V

New member
We are getting married in a month! Beside the stress of that being perfect, we have a lot going on. I stay home with our 3 kids..3 years, 13 months and 3 months old. We just bought a house with an unfinished basement, that he is trying to finish ASAP, and there's only 2 BR upstairs, so 2 cribs in our room with the babies, one still waking three times a night! He works overtime at a job an hour from home (wakes at 3:30am,home 5:30pm, bed at 8pm for him) Second job a weekend a month for the National Guard. We never get alone time, ever! Anyway we love eachother SOOO much, we've talk about our communication problems lately. We are getting married and love eachother even when we but heads. We fight nicley..no names, or hurting words, just hardcore arguing about everything, I nag at how he does things, and him back. We both want to control all situations and always feel we are right. Need advice!
He doesn't want me to get a job, I have a BA in psychology...never worked because I was pregnant at 21 and just stayed home. Around here a good daycare is money, and he would rather the kids be takem care of by me, the house cleaned, and the laundry done, and the occassional meal :) We just need to learn on getting more alone time but we don't know how...eve4ry weekend until the wedding is booked and every night we are both tired!?
 
You have all these problems getting along and you plan to get married in a month. I'd advise you to get some counseling, to learn how to communicate properly with each other. But frankly, I have no idea when your husband would be able to find the time to do this.

Three children in 3 years? Wow! slow down girl. Start using birth control, before your husband works himself to death and has a heart attack. There has got to be something you can do, besides take care of the 3 kids to help your husband out and take some of the stress off of him. How about getting a babysitter and getting a part time job?

I know taking care of 3 children is a full time job, but can't you find a way to help your husband finish the basement. It just seems like there is a lot of responsibility put on his shoulders and nagging him and nitpicking him about every little thing isn't making the situation any easier. Maybe you should work on being more understanding and stop expecting him to do the impossible.
 
I'd say its just stress from lack of sleep and no alone time. Happened to me and my hubby when our baby was smaller. When the kids are small (I have 2 kids - 5yrs, and 1yr) things are tense!

I also stay at home with the kids while he goes out and works two jobs, so I know what you mean! I'll just say that it got a lot better once the baby allowed me to get a full nights rest.

Try to leave the kids with their grandparents once in a while so you and your fiance can get a little time together. Just hang in there!
 
Be Quiet and Listen to eachother. take the time for one another and don't be to critical. Compromise, Compliment and Encourage one another on those stressfrul times.
 
It sounds normal, but you both need ot take a step back once in a while and evaluate if its really helpful to put a needle in each others' sides by being sarcastic about something if you are stressed.
 
The best advice I ever got was from a man who had ben married 40 years. He said, "Don't sweat the small stuff, and it's all small stuff." He's working hard, don't nag, even if he nags you. I know it's not easy, but you're his companion you have to be the one he falls back on. Sometimes you have to let them run their mouth. Smart men tend to realize they are acting out. You have 3 young kids, he is most likely also very stressed about providing for them.
Maybe a family member or friend can take them for a night while you guys head out or stay in and relax?
 
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