so im kind of new to this, but will you critique my poem?

[erwin.wighter.]

its childish. i realize. but what can i say, i am a child.


i could stay up all night
trying to be clever
and funny
smart
i could lay awake
scheming up ways to get you
to fall
hard
for me
but obviously
that wont happen
this boundary
a set line
no trespassers allowed
so forever save this
friendship
or ruin it
ill be never satisfied
ill sing my song of selfishness
wanting more

i could dream on
forever
that somehow
we would end up together
but obviously
that wont happen
the mixed
the mingled
the words control
all thoughts
three simple words
overtake
my mind
a solemn place
you steal the
stuttered syllables
seeping out
through my skin
always
exposed

 

[David S]

no i will not because this is your school work and you should do it by yourself u lazy %&*%