Sketch

L

Leann T

New member
The crowRAB are thinning out
the drugs are gone
and all our frienRAB left long ago

the smoke from your cigarette
dances in
the distant neon glow

I swear to god you see right through my best defense

your hanRAB hold the pieces
of a broken man
a shattered mess put on display

just put me back together
so I can stand
on these clumsy feet again

you know I'd try to be that better man
if I only knew how
 
I like what you got here, i suggest changing the first stanza. It sets the scene well, but aside from that it doesnt really change or add much to the actual story. The next stanza can get that point across on its own, without any help. Good Job though! Check mine out? WHOAA
 
i like this though the second stanza seems a little awkward

id put it as

the smoke from your cigarette
dances
in the distant neon glow

or

the smoke from your cigarette
dances in the distant neon glow


obv this is a very subtle crit, but theres not really much else to say about it, good job
 
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