This is extremely hard for me to explain, but I'll try my best to make it understandable.
I'm a 25yo female, and have been with my current boyfriend for the last 4 years. Before we started dating I broached the subject that I might be bisexual, and had very occasionally been attracted to girls in the past. He claimed he was okay with it, but never really took me seriously. When I would bring up that topic he would just brush it off and say since I'd never dated a girl and was much more into men that I was essentially straight. I could tell he was uncomfortable talking about it so I dropped it, but lately I feel like I'm being really dishonest with him.
The truth is I feel REALLY queer. And not when I'm attracted to girls, but when I'm attracted to guys. I've never felt like a girl, and I've hated my body for as long as I can remember. I even thought about sexual reassignment surgery for a while in my early teens before I decided against it. After his reaction to my being attracted to both sexes, I've never brought this up with him. But not being able to express my feelings is really making me depressed. Even though for a guy I would seem pretty feminine, my tastes are somewhat more boyish than a typical girl and whenever I try to express who I really feel I am (with clothing, hairstyles, etc) he is kind of negative towards it. And though I've told him a million times I don't like when he does certain things (like grope my chest) he just doesn't get that I really can't stand it. I think he secretly thinks I'm a lesbian, but I'm afraid if I told him the truth he would dislike it even more. I know labels don't really matter but I think it's kind of unfair keeping something about myself from him, especially if that something might make him realize that I'm not the kind of person he thinks I am or wants.
I really need some advice, should I tell him about this or just keep it to myself?
I guess I should have made it more clear that I don't want to experiment with other girls, that's not the issue. I'm mostly attracted to guys and am still very attracted to my boyfriend. My concern is that I think of myself as a boy and though I will never have reassignment surgery, would still like to express this part of me and not have to pretend to act like a girl all the time. Sorry that this is confusing.
I'm a 25yo female, and have been with my current boyfriend for the last 4 years. Before we started dating I broached the subject that I might be bisexual, and had very occasionally been attracted to girls in the past. He claimed he was okay with it, but never really took me seriously. When I would bring up that topic he would just brush it off and say since I'd never dated a girl and was much more into men that I was essentially straight. I could tell he was uncomfortable talking about it so I dropped it, but lately I feel like I'm being really dishonest with him.
The truth is I feel REALLY queer. And not when I'm attracted to girls, but when I'm attracted to guys. I've never felt like a girl, and I've hated my body for as long as I can remember. I even thought about sexual reassignment surgery for a while in my early teens before I decided against it. After his reaction to my being attracted to both sexes, I've never brought this up with him. But not being able to express my feelings is really making me depressed. Even though for a guy I would seem pretty feminine, my tastes are somewhat more boyish than a typical girl and whenever I try to express who I really feel I am (with clothing, hairstyles, etc) he is kind of negative towards it. And though I've told him a million times I don't like when he does certain things (like grope my chest) he just doesn't get that I really can't stand it. I think he secretly thinks I'm a lesbian, but I'm afraid if I told him the truth he would dislike it even more. I know labels don't really matter but I think it's kind of unfair keeping something about myself from him, especially if that something might make him realize that I'm not the kind of person he thinks I am or wants.
I really need some advice, should I tell him about this or just keep it to myself?
I guess I should have made it more clear that I don't want to experiment with other girls, that's not the issue. I'm mostly attracted to guys and am still very attracted to my boyfriend. My concern is that I think of myself as a boy and though I will never have reassignment surgery, would still like to express this part of me and not have to pretend to act like a girl all the time. Sorry that this is confusing.