I am recovering from marital infidelity and have been faithful to my wife for the past two years. Through our counseling and individual work we are working through our intimacy and communication issues. I am thankful that my wife still loves me as I have hurt her through my past actions. I know there are readers who will immediately label me as a scumbag, especially if you have been hurt through infidelity. With all my empathy and sincere regrets I continue to fathom the hurts that I have caused her so that I choose daily to love her and her only. We are both committed to making our healing our relationship and to one another. I am so very thankful that she sees the true person that I am and not the sexual weakness that has damaged our lives.
Some history, during the past 14 years of marriage my wife emotionally and physically isolated herself from me. I justified my infidelity by saying to myself that I deserved closeness and sexual intimacy. Rather than focus on our issues and work through them in counseling, I secretly went outside the marriage. Now, I have fully disclosed all secrets and am working and mending our relationship through a formal amends process. Rebuilding trust is a slow and lifetime endeavor.
My wife doesn't like to initiate in the bedroom and doesn't have a very strong sex drive. We are working on our communication skills and actively listening to each other and connecting at a heart level. Recently she shared with me that during sex she fantasized about having two men (FMF Threesome). This intrigued me and turned me on as I have though I was the only one to have fantasy and creative ideas. She has never been very enthusiastic or excited about sex. It encourages me to know that she is opening up and sharing her own desires. I want to encourage her to share, talk, and explore these thoughts and feelings. However, I do not want to derail or damage our healing relationship. It is my strong desire to be 100% honest with her and not keep a secret life. I am committed to this process and my dearest hope is that she opens up and becomes alive in her own sexual desires and share them with me in a relationship of honesty and commitment.
Regarding her threesome desire, she feels guilt that she has this thought. I have encouraged her not to feel bad about this. I shared that I was encouraged and aroused to know that she had some fantasy thoughts and that we should be able to openly share and communicate regarding our sex desires. She regretted having told me about her desire and thought that I would blindly jump at the thought or opportunity of doing a threesome. In response, I honestly said that I would not blindly jump at this because this would not necessarily be beneficial to healing and strengthening our relationship. However, I indicated that I would like to continue to talk and share regarding this subject. I know that a threesome can destroy and damage a struggling marriage.
As I am committed to our marriage, I do not want to damage things. However, this topic has elevated my arousal and sexual energy and I would like to encourage her to share her thoughts and fantasy with me and become free in her own sexual expression. Maybe at some point, we would begin to explore and experience some of these fantasies, but not at detriment to our marriage.
I am looking on this forum for insight and advice so that I can continue to discuss sexuality with her in a positive way that is safe for her and allows her to open up to her thoughts and feelings. I do not want to overwhelm her or shut her down in communicating in this area of our lives. I want to have a special emotional closeness with her and also a vibrant sex life. Thank you for any feedback that you may have.
Some history, during the past 14 years of marriage my wife emotionally and physically isolated herself from me. I justified my infidelity by saying to myself that I deserved closeness and sexual intimacy. Rather than focus on our issues and work through them in counseling, I secretly went outside the marriage. Now, I have fully disclosed all secrets and am working and mending our relationship through a formal amends process. Rebuilding trust is a slow and lifetime endeavor.
My wife doesn't like to initiate in the bedroom and doesn't have a very strong sex drive. We are working on our communication skills and actively listening to each other and connecting at a heart level. Recently she shared with me that during sex she fantasized about having two men (FMF Threesome). This intrigued me and turned me on as I have though I was the only one to have fantasy and creative ideas. She has never been very enthusiastic or excited about sex. It encourages me to know that she is opening up and sharing her own desires. I want to encourage her to share, talk, and explore these thoughts and feelings. However, I do not want to derail or damage our healing relationship. It is my strong desire to be 100% honest with her and not keep a secret life. I am committed to this process and my dearest hope is that she opens up and becomes alive in her own sexual desires and share them with me in a relationship of honesty and commitment.
Regarding her threesome desire, she feels guilt that she has this thought. I have encouraged her not to feel bad about this. I shared that I was encouraged and aroused to know that she had some fantasy thoughts and that we should be able to openly share and communicate regarding our sex desires. She regretted having told me about her desire and thought that I would blindly jump at the thought or opportunity of doing a threesome. In response, I honestly said that I would not blindly jump at this because this would not necessarily be beneficial to healing and strengthening our relationship. However, I indicated that I would like to continue to talk and share regarding this subject. I know that a threesome can destroy and damage a struggling marriage.
As I am committed to our marriage, I do not want to damage things. However, this topic has elevated my arousal and sexual energy and I would like to encourage her to share her thoughts and fantasy with me and become free in her own sexual expression. Maybe at some point, we would begin to explore and experience some of these fantasies, but not at detriment to our marriage.
I am looking on this forum for insight and advice so that I can continue to discuss sexuality with her in a positive way that is safe for her and allows her to open up to her thoughts and feelings. I do not want to overwhelm her or shut her down in communicating in this area of our lives. I want to have a special emotional closeness with her and also a vibrant sex life. Thank you for any feedback that you may have.