sake of what I want? I'm getting married next August. It's still a bit away, but already I'm having to deal with the mother in law trying to take over everything.
Here is my issue as of right now:
First of all, my fiancee and I are paying for everything. The only thing that my dad (who does not have much money) is paying for is my $300 dress. Even if my dad had the money, we really want to handle this ourselves, because we're both control freaks, we know what we want, and we don't want to argue over what's going down.
Anyway, my soon to be mother in law is having some issues with this. First of all, she thinks it's very unfair to us that my dad is only paying $300. She is all caught up in the idea that the bride's parents have to pay for the wedding (never mind that while she makes 90,000 a year alone for a family of 3, my dad makes 30,000 for a family of 5). She thinks my dad is trying to rob her son or something.
To top things off, she wants to pay for a rehearsal dinner. My fiancee and I don't want ANY rehearsal dinner...because our parents WILL hate each other. We want them to meet, but the idea of having a rehearsal dinner is just a waist of time to my fiancee and I...and not to mention a disaster waiting to happen. Plus, we're already making plans to go to medieval times with the groomsmen and brides maids.
We've tried explaining this to her...but she insists that we absolutely have to have a rehearsal dinner, and that it's her role to pay for it. My fiancee has asked that if she wanted to pay for something, she could help pay for the venue (and we'll allow her to help us with organizing that, which is a HUGE compromise for us)...but she absolutely insists that it is not fair for her to even HELP pay for the venue when it's the bride's parents duty to do so (as if this is the law). We don't really want her to pay for anything, but since she's insisting on paying for SOMETHING, we figured we would give that compromise a try. ><
The bottom line is, she is being obnoxious by expecting my dad to pay. We're not asking her to pay for anything, so it's not like we're expecting her to dish out money while my dad doesn't. But she is insisting we have a rehearsal dinner, and that she plan it. When we finally decided to give in, we told her we wanted a small non-fancy dinner at some restaurant..but she's insisting we have this big backyard get together with catering and what not. So now my fiancee and I are back to trying to convince her NOT to have a rehearsal dinner.
Should I give in and just let her do a rehearsal dinner and cancel the plans we're making with our friends...and also go through the stress of dealing with the fights that will break out between our two families? Or should I hold my ground and tell her "no".
I cannot express how much we do not want a rehearsal dinner. I know it's tradition, but who cares?
And isn't it rude for her to expect my dad to pay more than 300? Personally I think it's rude for her to pay for just the rehearsal dinner, and for my dad to pay for the rest of the wedding when one is quite obviously more expensive than the other...especially when she and her husband make a good bit of money, while my dad is barely scratching by while taking care of his parents and kids.
Anyway. Am I in the wrong? I'm so stressed out. Sorry for the rant. I'm just trying to figure out if I'm in the wrong, or if I should hold my ground. If I AM in the wrong, how do I handle my fiancee...he's in the same boat as me through all of this.
Here is my issue as of right now:
First of all, my fiancee and I are paying for everything. The only thing that my dad (who does not have much money) is paying for is my $300 dress. Even if my dad had the money, we really want to handle this ourselves, because we're both control freaks, we know what we want, and we don't want to argue over what's going down.
Anyway, my soon to be mother in law is having some issues with this. First of all, she thinks it's very unfair to us that my dad is only paying $300. She is all caught up in the idea that the bride's parents have to pay for the wedding (never mind that while she makes 90,000 a year alone for a family of 3, my dad makes 30,000 for a family of 5). She thinks my dad is trying to rob her son or something.
To top things off, she wants to pay for a rehearsal dinner. My fiancee and I don't want ANY rehearsal dinner...because our parents WILL hate each other. We want them to meet, but the idea of having a rehearsal dinner is just a waist of time to my fiancee and I...and not to mention a disaster waiting to happen. Plus, we're already making plans to go to medieval times with the groomsmen and brides maids.
We've tried explaining this to her...but she insists that we absolutely have to have a rehearsal dinner, and that it's her role to pay for it. My fiancee has asked that if she wanted to pay for something, she could help pay for the venue (and we'll allow her to help us with organizing that, which is a HUGE compromise for us)...but she absolutely insists that it is not fair for her to even HELP pay for the venue when it's the bride's parents duty to do so (as if this is the law). We don't really want her to pay for anything, but since she's insisting on paying for SOMETHING, we figured we would give that compromise a try. ><
The bottom line is, she is being obnoxious by expecting my dad to pay. We're not asking her to pay for anything, so it's not like we're expecting her to dish out money while my dad doesn't. But she is insisting we have a rehearsal dinner, and that she plan it. When we finally decided to give in, we told her we wanted a small non-fancy dinner at some restaurant..but she's insisting we have this big backyard get together with catering and what not. So now my fiancee and I are back to trying to convince her NOT to have a rehearsal dinner.
Should I give in and just let her do a rehearsal dinner and cancel the plans we're making with our friends...and also go through the stress of dealing with the fights that will break out between our two families? Or should I hold my ground and tell her "no".
I cannot express how much we do not want a rehearsal dinner. I know it's tradition, but who cares?
And isn't it rude for her to expect my dad to pay more than 300? Personally I think it's rude for her to pay for just the rehearsal dinner, and for my dad to pay for the rest of the wedding when one is quite obviously more expensive than the other...especially when she and her husband make a good bit of money, while my dad is barely scratching by while taking care of his parents and kids.
Anyway. Am I in the wrong? I'm so stressed out. Sorry for the rant. I'm just trying to figure out if I'm in the wrong, or if I should hold my ground. If I AM in the wrong, how do I handle my fiancee...he's in the same boat as me through all of this.