This is probably going to be long, as I'm probably going to vent a little too. I've had a pretty rough life growing up -- I don't know where my dad is, my mom is single and a schizophrenic, I had two brothers; one in prison, the other passed away from an ecstasy overdose. I had so many modeling opportunities from companies like Claires, and I could've used some of that money to live on my own but my uncle who was living with us would leave me with bruises on my face almost every day, in addition to sexually abusing me. he's in jail.
I didn't realize it at the time, but I was severely depressed. I started taking drugs and slept with every guy I could in my old school. I justified my actions with "I'm not a whore, I just like sex". I genuinely thought I was happy with my life, because i didnt know what a good life truly was. No girl liked me because I was a slut, and I got ample attention from guys in school who only talked to me because I was pretty, and a very easy lay.
I got expelled from school for snorting coke, and I transferred to a brand new school. I made friends with the wrong crowd, and started to build up a rep as the school slut. I even made a map of the town, and making a checklist to take away as many boys virginity as I could. Suffice to say, all the girls began to hate me, and I had tons of guys being nice to me. Then one day, this guy came up to me, introduced himself and welcomed me to school. He was the best looking guy I had ever seen in my life, jet black hair, 6ft+, gorgeous dark blue eyes, long lashes, tanned, very muscular and a perfect smile. He looked like a prince from a Disney movie or a male Megan fox. I really wanted to make him my **** buddy.
on our first date, I tried to get him back to my house to sleep with him, and instead he said "no he had to go". This was the first time a guy had ever turned me down. I started thinking he was different from other guys. He never ever judged me or even tried to convince me to change my life and was always so kind to me. we continued dating, and eventually I opened up and slowly revealed details about my life I had never shared with anyone.When I told him about my family, he told me he was worried about me and he really loved me regardless of my past. He said he thought I was too beautiful to be doing what I was doing. So I stopped doing drugs, ended up getting a decent job and I'm living on my own now. He's the kindest, most gorgeous guy I've ever known, and I really, really love him a lot. He didn't judge me despite my reputation, and chose to love a disgusting little slut like myself. He knew I was attractive, and could be a very easy lay, but instead he chose to support me and love me which are things NO ONE has ever done for me. He is so incredibly good looking and intelligent, I felt that I wasn't good enough for him, so I told him I couldn't see him anymore. I thought I would be doing him a favor because he could do much better than me, but I made a huge mistake. I cannot function properly without him. I've been crying everyday because I miss him SO much. I don't know if I should get back with him. He's still single, and I know he probably still loves me and would get back with me if I told him why I broke up with him, but I don't know whether I'm worth it. I just feel like he could do so much better. I mean, he's becoming a lawyer so that means he's going to be rich, extremely good looking, he's intelligent, and he's an amazing guy -- he could get any girl he wanted. Aren't I doing him a bad thing by staying with him? I'm poor, I'm not very smart, and i've had so many guys use me up I don't even feel I have anything to offer him physically anymore, like, it's not something special or intimate I can give him because so many other guys have been with me. I feel like he could do SO much better, and since I love him, I should give him the opportunity to do so. Should I get back with him, or let him live his life?
I didn't realize it at the time, but I was severely depressed. I started taking drugs and slept with every guy I could in my old school. I justified my actions with "I'm not a whore, I just like sex". I genuinely thought I was happy with my life, because i didnt know what a good life truly was. No girl liked me because I was a slut, and I got ample attention from guys in school who only talked to me because I was pretty, and a very easy lay.
I got expelled from school for snorting coke, and I transferred to a brand new school. I made friends with the wrong crowd, and started to build up a rep as the school slut. I even made a map of the town, and making a checklist to take away as many boys virginity as I could. Suffice to say, all the girls began to hate me, and I had tons of guys being nice to me. Then one day, this guy came up to me, introduced himself and welcomed me to school. He was the best looking guy I had ever seen in my life, jet black hair, 6ft+, gorgeous dark blue eyes, long lashes, tanned, very muscular and a perfect smile. He looked like a prince from a Disney movie or a male Megan fox. I really wanted to make him my **** buddy.
on our first date, I tried to get him back to my house to sleep with him, and instead he said "no he had to go". This was the first time a guy had ever turned me down. I started thinking he was different from other guys. He never ever judged me or even tried to convince me to change my life and was always so kind to me. we continued dating, and eventually I opened up and slowly revealed details about my life I had never shared with anyone.When I told him about my family, he told me he was worried about me and he really loved me regardless of my past. He said he thought I was too beautiful to be doing what I was doing. So I stopped doing drugs, ended up getting a decent job and I'm living on my own now. He's the kindest, most gorgeous guy I've ever known, and I really, really love him a lot. He didn't judge me despite my reputation, and chose to love a disgusting little slut like myself. He knew I was attractive, and could be a very easy lay, but instead he chose to support me and love me which are things NO ONE has ever done for me. He is so incredibly good looking and intelligent, I felt that I wasn't good enough for him, so I told him I couldn't see him anymore. I thought I would be doing him a favor because he could do much better than me, but I made a huge mistake. I cannot function properly without him. I've been crying everyday because I miss him SO much. I don't know if I should get back with him. He's still single, and I know he probably still loves me and would get back with me if I told him why I broke up with him, but I don't know whether I'm worth it. I just feel like he could do so much better. I mean, he's becoming a lawyer so that means he's going to be rich, extremely good looking, he's intelligent, and he's an amazing guy -- he could get any girl he wanted. Aren't I doing him a bad thing by staying with him? I'm poor, I'm not very smart, and i've had so many guys use me up I don't even feel I have anything to offer him physically anymore, like, it's not something special or intimate I can give him because so many other guys have been with me. I feel like he could do SO much better, and since I love him, I should give him the opportunity to do so. Should I get back with him, or let him live his life?