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plethoraofpeachblossom
Guest
Ok, please no jokey answers. I have been with a new boyfriend for a few months now, and we have a good relationship, but he is kinda uptight and doesn't like to talk about his feelings.
Before we got together, he was married and cheated on his wife with a secretary from his work (not with me). When he finished with her cos he felt guilty she sent his wife a really nasty letter telling her everything, and they got divorced. This is something that he feels really bad about and still beats himself up a lot about. Now, the other night we went out and he got really drunk, and when we got home the drink seems to have loosened his tongue and he mentioned the girl he cheated with. I started asking him questions as it is rare that he will talk about this stuff, and he admitted that sometimes he misses her and he especially misses the sex. I said that if he still has feelings for her maybe they should try again, but he said that it wouldn't work as she was too insecure and there was too much bad water under the bridge.
Now, I can imagine that the sex is pretty exciting when you have an affair, so I suppose I kind of understand that, but of course it was a little upsetting. He then assured me that the sex we have is very good (I think it is).
The next morning I started kissing him and went to have sex, but he wasn't physically into it, if you get what I mean - this is the first time this has happened. He seemed a bit embarrassed by this and I didn't make a big deal of it, but it has left me a little confused.
Do you think it is because he felt vulnerable cos he had told me all this stuff when he was drunk? Is there any way I can make our sex more exciting - we have a good, friendly relationship and I wonder if this makes the sex boring for him compared to the more exciting forbidden affair - is there anything I can do about that? I mean psychologically, not whips and costumes and stuff like that
Before we got together, he was married and cheated on his wife with a secretary from his work (not with me). When he finished with her cos he felt guilty she sent his wife a really nasty letter telling her everything, and they got divorced. This is something that he feels really bad about and still beats himself up a lot about. Now, the other night we went out and he got really drunk, and when we got home the drink seems to have loosened his tongue and he mentioned the girl he cheated with. I started asking him questions as it is rare that he will talk about this stuff, and he admitted that sometimes he misses her and he especially misses the sex. I said that if he still has feelings for her maybe they should try again, but he said that it wouldn't work as she was too insecure and there was too much bad water under the bridge.
Now, I can imagine that the sex is pretty exciting when you have an affair, so I suppose I kind of understand that, but of course it was a little upsetting. He then assured me that the sex we have is very good (I think it is).
The next morning I started kissing him and went to have sex, but he wasn't physically into it, if you get what I mean - this is the first time this has happened. He seemed a bit embarrassed by this and I didn't make a big deal of it, but it has left me a little confused.
Do you think it is because he felt vulnerable cos he had told me all this stuff when he was drunk? Is there any way I can make our sex more exciting - we have a good, friendly relationship and I wonder if this makes the sex boring for him compared to the more exciting forbidden affair - is there anything I can do about that? I mean psychologically, not whips and costumes and stuff like that