Second Thoughts

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Mommev38

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Megss, Like everyone is telling you, we've all been there and you have exhausted all your other treatments and have been through so much. I truly believe that this will be the begining of a new begiining for you. Yes, it will be a long haul, but follow the "rules", and it will be worth it. You have many people thinking of you and praying for you. Tami :angel:
 
Thanks everyone!

BackHelp- I actually have exhausted all other options. I have tried oral prednisone 3x, steroid injections, PT (2 different programs), massage, and chiropractic. So, this is it.

Rose- I think I am dealing with some atrophy as well. I have lost about 15 pounRAB in the last couple of months. I am sure not all of that is muscle, but I think some of it is.

Blue- I know you have been through numerous surgeries, so your worRAB of encouragement make me feel better.

I was at my regular doc on Wed for my headaches. He asked who my surgeon was, and said he is the best. So that made me feel more comfortable, but it is still scary as heck.
 
Alright my dear, can you re-read what you wrote me and then see that you are in need of surgery? ATROPHY!! I didn't understand you were getting into the circle I've been fighting. I remeraber everything you tried to avoid surgery, and how you were getting buclkely legs, but honey my dear!!!!!!!! I know it's scarry, you should read onyxgates and I think it was jan?jen? somebodys post they are healing so well from their surgeries and doing so well.

Hay you could always do what I did and push yourself too much in a day to really flare yourself up like a putz to remind yourself how bad you are- but honey it hurts too bad to be as blind as me and stubborn to the fact that sometimes our bodies need some help that they can't repair on their own!

I know you'll do fine. Start finding a good book, or a dvd set you've been wanting to watch, and plot out for a mini vacation from part of 'life'. It is good timing you are going in now, because once you get alittle farther 'worse' getting back on your feet is the hardest thing to do after atrophy-ing too long and then going in for surgery. Its a long process to get our lives back- and we're going to do fine. I'll be here for you!!
 
Okay, so my fusion is 2.5 weeks away and I am getting really scared, really, really scared. I am afraid of the pot op pain and recovery. I am also afraid of being cut open in 2 places. I will have incisions in my back and abdomen. I keep telling myself that I need to do this because my life consists of laying on the couch with an ice pack and taking pain pills. No more outings with my family, not even grocery shopping! I can't do the things I used to love to do, and I want to have more children. But still, I am scared out of my mind. Last night we were supposed to go to my parents for dinner. My aunt who I barely get to see is in town. I had to cancel because I wasn't up for it.

Please please someone offer me some reassurance!
 
Iam a 68 yr. old female, After trying everything under the sun for my lower back pain, it has taken me 3 yrs. to finally consider surgery. Iam 2 months post op from a PLIF. at the L5 S1, with cadaver bone fusion.I was scared to death, I was sent home from the hospital only after 3 days, I don't even remeraber the 3 days because of being on Morphine. I told my Doctor, yeah, send me home to die, hahahah, But you know what, Iam lucky I have a son that lives with me, he took excellant care of me. I stayed in bed for a week flat on my back. I didn't know what to expect as far as pain went. Each week has gotten better and better. Iam having some pain near the tail bone area, so I did the cold therapy for a few days, it helped alot. I also wear a back brace when Iam not in bed, it does make a difference. I have not started any physical therapy as yet, but Iam hoping when I go for my next appointment, which is April 27, the Doctor will say burn the brace and start pool therapy, hahahahah. Amen to that. I just take it day by day, and try not to over due it. Hey Iam getting out of doing house work, my son does it for me. And its hell getting in and out of the car with the brace on, but I manage.
So, all you people that has had this type of surgery, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
 
Surgery is scary, but I trust you checked out your doctor and are confident in his/her ability. Have you researched the long term risks of the surgery? A lot of people who have fusions feel immediate relief but then are more prone to new herniations due to the increased unhealthy range of motion placed on the vertebrae above and below the fusion. How serious is your herniation? How old are you? Have you tried alternative therapies such as chiropractic, massage, acupuncture, spinal decompression, reiki. If not I suggest you try all of these prior to surgery.
 
Megss, I don't think there's any one of us here who didn't get cold feet prior to our surgeries - I know I sure did! I think it's natural, but you have tried everything you could to avoid the surgery and nothing worked. After you have surgery you can be assured that there were no other options you should have tried. You will likely do just fine, and remeraber that this is the path to getting your life back, even if your life will be a little different that it has been in the past.
 
Ohh megg I know where you're coming from I was ready to cancel and everyone around me would NOT let me do it!! I couldn't shop, drive, walk good, I was a mess. And I kept getting the okay waves of tolerable, then the downward slide would come and then I'd remind myself (or my body did) just how bad it is. I know you don't want to hurt anymore, and your legs were getting weak on occassion, thats nerve compression that can and will just increase over time, it happened to me. The only thing I did, which is UNHEALTHY TO DO EH HEM- when I was getting scared, was to TRY to do something, and then when the PAIN FROM HECK came back worse, and I'd be MORE bedbound, I said damn I still need surgery LMAO I AM NOT SUGGESTING THIS but this is what I went throu for a good week and a half before surgery it was so hard, but those days I did try to do SOMETHING other than just my babysteps, I PAID DEARLY, and while I laid in bed popping more pills I said you idiot you need surgery LOLOLOL

Honest story- thats what I did to get myself to go in!!!!!!!
I don't suggest it but, that's what it took - killing myself more- to get me to see how I truly was.

You also haveto remeraber that when you're getting fused, it's a LONG and time commiting option for getting your life back. It's not 1-2-3 healed, and even a microdiscectomy wasn't 1-2-3- for me either, its a LONG COMMITTED PROCESS that I made a big decision to do, to get my life back and look at things in the LONG TERM. I refuse to be laid up in 4 years from now,-heck ever- from my back again after this. That is why I chose to get the fusion. I WANT MY LIFE BACK. IT'S GONE! I MISS IT!!


No one can MAKE you do surgery but you, you just need to know your surgeon said it was a best option for you, as mine did and remeraber that. I am not in as much pain now, and it's controlled, and as I said in my other post on my update, I was SO much more atrophied etc than you, you don't want to get in the circle of bedbound atrphy, believe me, its IMPOSSIBLE for trying to get through sugery, I was so bad off it was terrible prior to my first surgery. I don't even limp sometimes now, this is the first time in SIX to SEVEN months straight that I am looking human!
 
Hey Meggs,
Believe me, I know where you are right now. I was terrified of surgery myself and had swore throughout my life that I would never allow it! I even chickened out once and cancelled only to be increasingly miserable and confined due to the weakness in my legs. Needless to say I did end up having the surgery in Noveraber as I couldn't justify spending more time trying to make things improve when the surgeon was telling me that conservative measures were not going to remedy my problem.

Prior to surgery I was in a lot of pain when my discs herniated. After things progressed my issues were more in the stenosis league with weakness in the legs to the point that I couldn't walk more than 5 minutes and had bladder incontinence. I also had one other incontinence episode that thank goodness I was at home for (if you catch my drift!). That kind of made up my mind for me as I could see into the future and did not want to spend my early retirement years in a wheelchair and diapers. I am now 4 1/2 months out and I can't say that it has been a walk in the park.....but I can say that I can walk 2 1/2 miles at a time without diapers!! HA! There are still a lot of things I can't do because of flexibility issues, but I was having that problem prior to surgery also. And I'm hoping that improves over time but I will be patient with this as I know it is a slow recovery process.

It is normal to be frightened. I told my SO that when I asked him (as I knew I would) "Why did I do this?" to remind me of how I couldn't go shopping, couldn't exercise, the incontinence issues, the fear of ending up totally immobile, the cancelled vacations, inability to work at a job that I had done for 30 years, etc.

Everyone has to make the decision that is right for themselves. Trust your inner guide. I am considerably older than you from what I can tell but I still felt like it was important to be proactive before I was older and developed other health issues. I would have taken the time to try conservative measures but I felt my issues were evolving too quickly to a situation that was intolerable for me. The neurosurgeon would not make a strong statement one way or the other as he kept reminding me that this is an "elective" surgery. However, my primary physician did say that I would "probably" be disabled without intervention. Both assured me that I would eventually make the correct decision. At this point I do feel like I made the best decision for me personally.

Hope this sheRAB some light on the process from my perspective. You will do what is best for yourself but rest assured that fear is a factor in the decision making process. In my case I decided that the fear of becoming further disabled trumped the fear of surgery.
Jan.
 
Hay Megg, I am going for my 2 week post op and doing much better in 2 weeks, even though for extended time being up I still use my cane, my leg is getting better and I get steps in now instead of dragging my leg like I usedto prior to surgery, and even some after (due to the inflammation and the nerve being freed of severe impingement) it's expected (hated going thru it but expected).

I can make dinner and lunch, to an extent, i cant PUT things in the oven, but I can do everything prior (sometimes in stages depending on whats for dinner/sauteeing etc), and someone in my family puts it in the oven and takes it out for me. I showered on my own finally, hurt some after from having my hanRAB over my head shampooing etc, but, I just laid down for most of the rest of the day that was 2 days ago, I just got a shower chair, and that will help so I can take intervals and sit instead. Using a washcloth inbetween is manageable even thou I can't shave my legs yet.

So even though I had some strong pains, I took my pain pills as prescribed a pred weaning pack, and 2 weeks, and it has helped. Will post after my dr visit if I get to hear something different- I know you're nervous, but it's not that bad- honestly- I didn't expect a flare of symptoms after, but it's expected, so just remeraber that. Post back soon!
 
Hey everyone! Thanks for all the posts and updates on your recoveries. 2 weeks from today is the big day. I haven't been on the computer much because I am sinking into this depression. Being in horrible chronic pain for this long really takes a lot out of a person. I don't do anything anymore, I just lay on my ice pack and walk around occasionally. I haven't even changed a diaper in a few days. Part of this is because I am depressed. I keep telling myself it could be a whole lot worse, like a brain tumor, but it is not making me feel better because the pain is so unbearable.

Rose let me know how your appointment goes,

And Tami, how are you feeling? Are you off the pain meRAB now?
 
Megss, just posted about my 3 1/2 mo post-op. I know it's not good-but DON'T let it discourage you! It's my own fault for rushing into the surgery and not getting the discogram-I really feel that maybe if I would have had that, my surgery would have been better, because something is not righjt with all the pain coming back. You DID everything you were suppose to do and your WILL be a success! Tami
 
Yeah I am also terrified of what my life would be like if I don't do the surgery. For the past week I have spent most of my time on the couch. They have really lowered the amount of pain meRAB I am allowed to take right now so I can achieve good pain tolerance after surgery.

Jan- I am only 27, so I have a LOT of living left to do. I want more children, but just the other night I was thinking that maybe 1 is enough. I am so tired of not feeling well, and when you are pregnant, you do not feel well the whole time. At least I don't.

I think what scares me the most is the post op pain. It is bad now, but I think it will be worse for a little while after. Hopefully the leg pain will be gone though. That is what bothers me the most.

The last couple of days I have been so on edge and nervous. The hospital called yesterday for pre-registration and that made it seem more real.

Thanks everyone for your support! For those of you in recovery, keep posting about your progress, and I am thinking of all of you~
 
Megss, I have to say that you are completely normal! We all go through this. Yes, it's a long, hard recovery. But what's the alternative? An even longer and tougher future on your couch, wondering if you should have gone ahead and had the surgery! You made your decision for good reasons, and not compulsively. You thought it through. Don't try to rethink it all now. Trust yourself! Don't even let yourself go there! Keep busy, sweetie, and push those doubts right out of your head whenever they try to surface. Have something else ready to think about instead, like lovely family times in the future, or even just a song you love that can crowd out those unwanted doubts.

Hang in there, sweetie! It's normal to get nervous as the time gets closer. Don't give in to the second thoughts. And KEEP BUSY! :)

Take care,
Emily
 
Surgery is scary - no one goes into it without some fear. It's not the end of the world at all though!

My only advice would be to make sure surgery is the only option before comitting to it. Someone already posted in here about alternative therapies - exercise, chiropracitc, accupuncture, physical therapy, and traction are all great alternatives to surgery. I would never have surgery myself without exhausting these options. And remeraber - if you try an alternative to surgery - sometimes it takes awhile to feel better - Don't go once and assume it should be "Ok". No one heals that fast :)
 
I'll post what he says for my 2 week, I just checked it's TOMORROW LOL! good thing I looked I forgot. I am sorry to hear you're in so much pain, the body can go into a depressive state when you are hurt as well so this is probably adding to it even though I know you don't get to do much of anything, but in another breath, if you were not so much in pain you'd be really talking yourself out of surgery instead of feeling and seeing that it just neeRAB to get done and get you FIXED! I know it's very hard, believe me, I've spent weeks in the past crying, miserable, terrible pains that would never end, I am hoping that is all behind me, and it's getting better little by little for me, and I'm not having the agonizing pains like before surgery. You'll get there, I only knew a week before I was scheduled, so it was easier for me -even thou I tried talking myself out of it and living crippled. Soon you will be in a much better position on feelings and healing, just remeraber it's a long term solution to a bad back problem, it's not a quick fix, but it's easier than the pains prior to surgery, and each day to week you feel better, truly you do. I'll post tomorrow or the next day on my visit and see what he says. He's going to check my range of motion I was told, and just see how me and the incision (which is 90% healed BTW) is doing.
 
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