Revised beginning to my book...what do you think?

yadayada

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Rain Foriei clenched her teeth breathing short, quick gasps. Her eyes, darting side to side, searched for her pursuer as the horse she had borrowed from her father stumbled beneath her.

The sky darkened and in the distance rumbled a nearing thunder, sounding more like an army of war horses storming an invisible adversary.

“Is he still coming?” She murmured to herself as she often did.

A human heart can reach up to two hundred beats per minute when adrenaline makes its way into the system. Good thing Rain wasn’t human; her heart would have burst under such a pressure as this. An elves’ heart worked at half that of a human’s.

“Settle down, boy,” she spoke to the horse as he nervously bobbed his head, nearly causing her to lose the reins. “I think he’s gone.”
Not an hour earlier, Rain’s day was nothing short of normal. She was on her way to her daily lessons when she decided an investigation of a story once told by her professor, Aglahr, would be exciting. The story told about a renown ship merchant named Lord Naa who bought and sold for the most notorious of pirates and the wealthiest of the rich. He began dealing dishonestly thus triggering the largest and most renowned blood bath known to the world of Zirconya.

Rumor had it that Lord Naa had a wife who was not fond of his corruption. So as not to be left empty-handed when the dealings would no doubt go sour, Lady Naa killed her husband and, according to what Rain had been told, buried him under a massive pile of stones in their stable. Those stones were never moved. What Lady Naa did not know was that her husband’s right hand was left hanging out of his stony grave and would be there to this day; or so Rain had assumed.

Alright, in truth, the story did sound a bit far-fetched, but Professor Aglahr had a wonderful way of telling stories to make them seem nothing but true. And they never seemed too irrational so why shouldn’t she believe this story in particular?

The Naa dwelling was just over the hills of Nevel, east of her home in the elven willow. Rain would simply ride to the stable, peek over the hedge wall and find out for herself how much of what Professor Aglahr told was true. If she would see nothing, she’d simply turn and return to her lessons before anyone even realized her absence.

There was an unexpected surprise in this seemingly faultless plan of Rain’s, though; as she rode on over the hills, she sensed a presence and as soon as she had looked over her shoulder, she saw a masked man on a horse, riding at a full sprint directly towards her.

Rain had always had a keen sense of empathy, feeling the central emotions running through anyone near her and this masked man in particular, had nothing but dangerously foul emotions. With emotions, come thoughts. Assuming that the man had dangerously foul things in mind for her, Rain ran.

Her fears soon became real when, with a quick glance behind, she set her eyes on the unsheathed sword in his hand. She turned her gaze forward and urged her father’s horse toward the woods as a steady drizzle began to fall. Her long hair stuck to her face in the drab humidity as droplets of sweat ran down her temples, tickling her with their descent.

We can lose him in the forest, Rain thought to herself.
She knew the elven territory like the back of her hand and felt confident that this anonymous man was a foreigner; she sensed it from him with her first stride into the woods.

She had only gone a half a mile or so in the trees when any awareness of company was gone but she wouldn’t be comfortable until she felt that way in the broad fields.
With a swift kick to the horse’s side, Rain altered their direction to leave the sheltering forest and made their way to the highest knoll, just a moment’s ride from the Naa stables.

“Why would anyone want to come after me?” she whispered.

Rain closed her eyes for a moment, willing her heart to calm and breaths to slow. After a moment, she studied her surroundings. Her long hair stuck to her face in the drab humidity as droplets of sweat ran down her temples, tickling her with their descent.

“I’m exactly where I wanted to be,” she spoke to the horse with a huff. “Might as well do what I came to do if no one’s following me anymore. I’d rather not take another trip down here any time soon. What do you say, Long?”

The horse responded with his own puff of air, putting a smile on Rain’s face. She rubbed her cheek with her shoulder, soaking up the droplets that tickled her cheeks, not sure whether they be sweat or rainwater.

“Let’s make this quick. If I miss another lesson, Aglahr will never show me his secret.”

Secrets; the professor’s preferred bribe of choice. It was the easy way to achieve cooperation from a stubborn girl like Rain, who always begged for more knowledge of the ways of a wizard. Aglahr was, in fact, a wizard as well as a professor.

Long took steady strides across the field. His legs were long so even a steady pace
would get Rain where she needed to be. As they walked, a groaning creak was heard below. Rain looked over her side, past Long’s.

It’s just earth, she thought.

Another creak.
 
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