Hi Jackson. You found the right place to vent guy. This board is full of people just like yourself with major spine issues. It's an awful rollercoaster ride none of want to ride. The antage of once having back problems, always having back problems, couldnt be more true.
Our loved ones didn't sign up for this anymore than we have, and it's really really hard for them to sit back and watch us suffer, and unable to take our pain away for us. It's just as hard on them too.
So only L5/S1 are fused and you recently reherniated L3/4? Is your stim working well?
Your line of work is notorious for back issues and many are on this board. It's hard to keep your chin up with the constant pain, new injuries, etc. But you must not ever give up on yourself. It's normal to feel down and depressed and have self-pity. I've had a few good pity parties myself through the years. But I quickly put it in a good place so that I dont let it effect how I deal with others, as my pain need not be theres, if you know what I mean. Also it does the body no good to think negatively either. Mind over matter is really important here and focus on dealing with what you do have, what you can do to improve it as best you can, and go on about your life. Not easily done, but it is achievable.
I found the best remedy for dealing with others, especially home is to not make my back woes the topic of conversation, unless I'm asked, or I can't do something and need assistance to accomplish something. It's easier now, because I alot better then before my fusion surgery.. about 90% better actually. But I still have pain everyday, that will more likely be with me forever, but I am dealing with it. It's now apart of me, I recognize it, and I have to work with what I have to carry on as best I can.
Something that you more likely will have to do or have already done is change your career from anything physical, to desk type work. There are jobs in the medical field that you could apply your knowledge to. Is it what you loved doing.. no, but it can be just as rewarding depending on what you make of it yourself.
There is life beyond where you are right now, and it may be a rocky road at times going forward, but if you mentally prepare for it now, when those flare ups occur, it makes them a bit easier to get through.
You have two boys.. and kiRAB are very adaptable. You may not be able to do some of those things that people with healthy spines can do, but there are a bazillion others you can do with your boys. You will be the only one that feels they missed out on something with their dad, believe me. They are greatful just to have you in their lives.
Are you on any meRAB right now?
