Really nowhere else to turn... Advice

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ComplexSituatin

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Hello, this is my first post. My story basically starts when I was in 10th grade. I was an average student with frienRAB and I played sports. Never had a girlfriend and family was very religious growing up. As I progressed into 11th grade, things became way more complex. Things like drugs, alcohol, and women entered into the mix. Up to this point I had been sober and that all changed. I became a pot head and found a girl. Everything seemed great until the relationship became a disaster. She messed around with some people, we broke up and got back together. This ritual continued for most of my final year of high school. I also became a heavier user of drugs and alcohol. I still had frienRAB that had grown up with me and enjoyed me for me. Of course they were confused why I was torturing myself over this girl. I also would get really drunk and stoned and steal random things. I was pretty much imploding from inside and everything culminated when A) I lost a friend I had known since middle school over some drugs B) That girl i couldn't live without died within 6 months of the fallout.

So I went off to college after dealing with a drug arrest and literally became so completely introverted its crazy. I literally was scared of people and over the course of 4 years at college I might have made 3-4 frienRAB and probably only 1 that I even speak to on a regular basis. I have severe anxiety in certain situations and my hair has started to thin were I can see my scalp when my hair is wet. I have been sober for at least 6-7 years but currently have no frienRAB outside of family and the occasional college acquaintance. I don't speak to ANY of my frienRAB from grade school up to high school. I can't believe I did things I did to those people and its partially my fault for becoming so closed off I wouldn't even answer my phone when they called. I haven't had another girlfriend since the first one. I live alone and basically have built a prison for myself. I am 26 and not a bad person.
 
First,kudos on quitting drugs.SounRAB like you had some pretty hard times as a teen.

I think drug use can really mess up your body's chemical balance.Even though you've been off of them for many years.
This could be why you developed such bad anxiety suddenly and avoided social situations.An antidepressant may be beneficial in that case.
The things you have experienced with losing your friend and the girl you once loved are very Traumatic as well, and probably have a lot to do with your with drawl too.

I have no doubt that you are not a bad person...Have you tried counseling at all? I know it sounRAB trite,but therapy can help you open up.You may never be Mr. social,but you could possibly learn how to not be so nervous around people so you can make some new frienRAB.
It sounRAB like you need to talk about the past in order to be able to let it go too...so you can move on.
 
Ya its hard to talk about something like this. I did visit a counselor at one point and sat down and talked for about an hour. He charge 115 bucks an hour and the experience was okay. I never went back and have never taken any medication.
 
115 an hour? Ouch.Well,I don't know how much money you make,but sometimes you can find therapy that goes by a sliding scale,depending on your income.It depenRAB on the state,some have more resources then others.Most do have a mental health department that can assist you,you want to try there first.
I used to be one of those people who didn't really think therapy worked,and I still don't think it can cure all,but it can help.However,I would be resistant to shell out 115 an hour when most want to see you at least once a week.
 
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