Jeff,
Yes bro I've been exactly where your at. If it helps any to hear I pretty much got over the severe part of the anxiety without meRAB so you can and will get better. (I'm not saying don't take your meRAB I'm juist reminding you that you will get well again).
I know what you mean by your own thoughts scare you. One important thing I remind myself when I'm in middle of a severe panic attack is that I won't always feel this way. One of the things that used to freak me out the most when I was having the severe panic attacks and derealization was that I would be permanently stuck in that state of fear and I will feel this sense of something is wrong with myslef and the world feeling forever.
And that's what scared me the most. I would never ever kill myself but when I was in the middle of one of my attacks I would be feel so wrong that I used to think 'wow I can't live in this state of fear, panic, etc.. Forever".
And then the next morning I would wake up and feel more normal again, if anything (worst case) I would stay somewhat shook up from the event for a while afterwarRAB but nothing even close to the terror I felt when it was happening. (If anything I truly believe it was God calling me to him and basically putting the fear of him inside me in order to bring myself closer to him and believe you me it worked and I now know and have a personal relationship with the creator of everything. In a big way I'm grateful that I had these panic attacks, otherwise I would not know God, plus I believe that those of us who suffer from these things have a better more understanding and compassionate sense of other people and ourselves, because of our level of awareness as I like to call it.
So remeraber when your in the middle of one your terrible attacks. Most important try and open yourself up to God and two remind yourself that the feeling is only temporary and won't last forever.
Also keep in mind the more your mind thinks and plays out all sorts of crazy thoughts the longer you make the feeling last. All the crazy thoughts actually keep the panic alive and refuel the panic attack.
So as hard as it is you have to keep telling yourself you will be fine and that you just need to relax and you will feel fine soon enough. Even with all your thoughts keep repeating to yourself that you are ok. And if you are believer open up the bible and just start reading, that helps me more than any med. Even if your not a believer open up the bible and give it a shot. Read the book of psalms and see how you feel afterwarRAB. Trust me give it a shot. This is not about imposing my beliefs on you its about giving you a piece of advice that I know will help you get through this.