Madmel Bryan
New member
These are just a few random parts from fairly early on in my story! I know you don't get much information from this but could you please just give me some critique about my writing style; is it interesting?
Please tell me what you think!
Thankyou!
A hand tugged at my sleeve, and I didn’t have to look to know that it was Adele. “There are humans in the woods!” she said happily.
Well it certainly explained her good mood; she was bouncing along next to me and her blue eyes were lit up like water in sunlight. If it was dark she probably would have been glowing. Jayla reflected Adele’s happy frame of mind as well and in doing so looked quite comical; the big cat’s tail was raised high in the air and her ears were pricked forward.
Adele already had her sword at her back; her daggers were sheathed at her hip, and was holding my bow and quiver. Her usually wavy mahogany hair was braided, pulled back away from her face showing her pointed ears. She had also somehow managed to fit two packs on her slim shoulders; one for her and one for me. I raised an eyebrow, “You want to fight.”
Out of the corner of my eye I noticed a soldier sneaking up at me from the side, thought he was safe, out of the range of my bow. He was right and wrong; he was too close for me to shoot him, but he was far from safe. I avoided his hammer as it passed in front of my nose, then moved forward to take advantage of him being off balance. I kicked him hard in the chest and even through my boots I felt his ribs cave in. He fell to his knees, gasping for air like a fish out of water. I cut his throat to end his suffering.
As we got closer, my sensitive nose caught a whiff of her. She smelt of smoke, sweat and blood causing my mind to drift back to Craynor. It was possible she had come from there, but our scouts had reported no survivors. Hmmm, were they wrong, or had the girl helped destroy the town? Either way there must be more to her than I could see. The girl moved, and my attention was again focused on her. As I watched she sat down, and rolled a large round stone into her lap from the sling on her shoulder.
I squirmed but Finn’s grip was too strong, holding me until he jumped. Somewhere in mid-air he let go and I was weightless for a moment before I fell into the lake with my arms flailing up and down, screaming. My clothes weighed me down and I kicked toward the light, spluttering for air. Finn’s greyish brown hair broke the surface as he appeared next to me, holding my arm to keep me above water.
I grinned at Jerrie, and then leant down over Finn, calling his name to wake him up. His eyes fluttered open, and then a mischievous smile spread over his face. His arms reached up, grabbing me, and pulled me down beside him. I laughed, and probably would have been able to get free. If I had wanted to. “Good Morning sleepyhead” I said laughing at him.
Any feedback will be greatly appreciated!!!!!
Thankyou! <3
Please tell me what you think!
Thankyou!
A hand tugged at my sleeve, and I didn’t have to look to know that it was Adele. “There are humans in the woods!” she said happily.
Well it certainly explained her good mood; she was bouncing along next to me and her blue eyes were lit up like water in sunlight. If it was dark she probably would have been glowing. Jayla reflected Adele’s happy frame of mind as well and in doing so looked quite comical; the big cat’s tail was raised high in the air and her ears were pricked forward.
Adele already had her sword at her back; her daggers were sheathed at her hip, and was holding my bow and quiver. Her usually wavy mahogany hair was braided, pulled back away from her face showing her pointed ears. She had also somehow managed to fit two packs on her slim shoulders; one for her and one for me. I raised an eyebrow, “You want to fight.”
Out of the corner of my eye I noticed a soldier sneaking up at me from the side, thought he was safe, out of the range of my bow. He was right and wrong; he was too close for me to shoot him, but he was far from safe. I avoided his hammer as it passed in front of my nose, then moved forward to take advantage of him being off balance. I kicked him hard in the chest and even through my boots I felt his ribs cave in. He fell to his knees, gasping for air like a fish out of water. I cut his throat to end his suffering.
As we got closer, my sensitive nose caught a whiff of her. She smelt of smoke, sweat and blood causing my mind to drift back to Craynor. It was possible she had come from there, but our scouts had reported no survivors. Hmmm, were they wrong, or had the girl helped destroy the town? Either way there must be more to her than I could see. The girl moved, and my attention was again focused on her. As I watched she sat down, and rolled a large round stone into her lap from the sling on her shoulder.
I squirmed but Finn’s grip was too strong, holding me until he jumped. Somewhere in mid-air he let go and I was weightless for a moment before I fell into the lake with my arms flailing up and down, screaming. My clothes weighed me down and I kicked toward the light, spluttering for air. Finn’s greyish brown hair broke the surface as he appeared next to me, holding my arm to keep me above water.
I grinned at Jerrie, and then leant down over Finn, calling his name to wake him up. His eyes fluttered open, and then a mischievous smile spread over his face. His arms reached up, grabbing me, and pulled me down beside him. I laughed, and probably would have been able to get free. If I had wanted to. “Good Morning sleepyhead” I said laughing at him.
Any feedback will be greatly appreciated!!!!!
Thankyou!
<3