Read my Poem? suggestions please :D?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Scotty H
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Scotty H

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I feel as though the world is spinning
but I am standing still
So many thoughts running through my head
And all of them of you
Your everything I've ever wanted
Yet somethings very wrong
I can't quite put my finger on it
But your just not the one...

i'm not quite sure about the finger part lol
suggestions? opinions? thank you :D
i just wrote this
 
keep trying. Line 5 Your everything i ever wanted, then line 8 But your just not the one. Either he/she is the one or not?
 
Cliche list:
1) I feel as though the world is spinning but I am standing still
2) So many thoughts running through my head
3) You're everything I've ever wanted (song lyric)
4) I can't quite put my finger on it
5) You're just not the one

Discounting these borrowings from Hallmark, you wrote
a) All of them of you
b) Yet somethings very wrong
c) But
Congrats, you wrote a haiku!
 
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