Rate my poem? [1-10]?

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hustlexhard

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I'd do anything to change the way this happened.
But my subconscious mind's still telling me to hate you.
You're on your deathbed, and you're too young.
But I can't seem to make myself feel the least bit sympathetic.
You don't fall asleep anymore, and I can't even breathe.
Real breaths just bring more pain, like I'm allergic to oxygen.
And nights spent with the volume way too loud have made me deaf.
But only to your voice.
You almost ruined me. I let you take away everything.
You've already taken my sanity; It's somewhere with the trust and missing child-support.
And I don't see things the way I used to anymore.
But at least I can still dream, while you're lying awake forever with your regrets and your depression.
You deserve it.
And I'm sick of hearing that God made this plan for you.
He didn't.
No one's f*cking "testing you to see how strong you are".
And no one's going to be there to catch you when you fall.
You've already pushed everyone who loved you off that ledge.
 
i think it would be better if you turned it into a short story. it doesn't really have a poetic tone
 
omg go to hell bob007, you suck!
but you don't, whatever your name is, guy who wrote this poem.
but may i ask, when exactly did you step inside my mind, and read of my history? because i really never imagined that there would be someone else out there who felt something as deep as that, and as accurate to my feelings as it comes.
well done. i totally give ou a ten.
but if you dont mind, would you please e-mail me, im really interested in your poem, and maybe poems. and also what its all about because id really like to know.
well done again, btw.
 
This isn't the 'typical' poem one reads,thats for sure..it does lack the magic that a poem should have..
But,a poem is a creative way of showing your feelings,which you've done through this poem.
You have an open-mind,which is good,and you've written this in a unique style..
I think that you've got room for improvement,good luck for your next poem..be sure to post it on here

Oh,and I give it a 5 out of 10
 
I can't rate your poem because who am I to rate it. It's yours. It's your feelings.
I think if you want to improve it give it more style and establish your attitude more. =)
Give it a good start, middle and end...
but one thing I love about good poems are their endings. They are just BAM! You should put a great last line to make an end statement =)
Email Me Please. I would be honored to help you. I am very much interested. I think you have some potential. =)
 
8/10

i give the poem that rating because it is good. the content is ... interesting but if that is how it is meant to be then it is fitting. the poem is pretty easy to read. watch the language... can ruin the poem fits in though in this case.
 
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